Queer as Folk (2000–2005)

Michelle Clunie: Melanie Marcus

Photos 

Quotes 

• Melanie : I told you, he's a total heterophobe.

  Justin : It's true, he is.

  Brian Kinney : It's true, I am.

• Melanie : What are you? Mr. Teflon? Shit just never sticks to you.

• Melanie : You finally grew a heart.

  Brian : Maybe you'll have the same luck growing a penis.

• [On why Lindsay's WASP parents won't help pay for their wedding] 

  Melanie : You're a dyke, you're marrying a Jew, and you're a registered Democrat. Need I say more?

• Melanie : There's no fucking way Brian Kinney's fucking sperm are doing the breaststroke in my fallopian tube.

• Melanie : Your screwing everything that moves is your finest quality and our best defense.

• Melanie : I used to hate it when Brian would say, "There are two kinds of straight people in this world - the ones who hate you to your face, and the ones who hate you behind your back," because I knew that wasn't true, there are plenty of straight people who don't hate us. But the ones who do no longer have to do it behind our backs, they can do it in the White House, in the churches, on television, in the streets! Is that the kinda place we wanna live? Is that the kinda place we wanna raise our kids?

• [just as Mel and Linz are leaving for Canada] 

  Debbie : Hold it. I don't care where you're going and I don't care what you're doing, but you better get your asses back here every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Chanukah, and Mother's Day. Cos you know how I feel about family.

  Melanie : We wouldn't be one without you, Deb.

• Melanie : [about Lindsay marrying Guillaume]  What if he never leaves? What if he becomes a permanent fixture?

  Brian : What if my aunt had balls? She'd be my uncle.

• Mel : Don't fuck with Mother Nature, huh? Well, I'm here to tell her, don't fuck with me!

• [after talking to homophobic people all day] 

  Corinne : I wanted to say, "How can you be such a bigoted, ignorant asshole and still call yourself an American?"

  Melanie : What *did* President Bush say?

• [looking at Melanie's ultra-sound] 

  Michael : Holy shit! Would you check out the dick on this kid?

  Lindsay : That's the umbilical cord.

  Melanie : Besides, you can't tell from this if it's a boy or girl. Although something tells me a princess is on the way.

  Michael : Well, it's Ok with me if he's gay.

• Melanie : [about passing baby J.R. around]  If you would've listened to me and done what I said, we wouldn't be playing this game of, "Baby, Baby, Who's Got The Baby?".

  Lindsay : That's what's killing you, isn't it? It has nothing to do with the baby or the custody agreement. It has to do with you, Melanie Marcus, not getting her way, not having complete control over everything. Well, tough shit, ya don't!