Susan:
I have decided to put an end to this madness that is ruining all our lives.
Michael:
You're going to kill dad?
Susan:
[
to Ben, after her mother leaves the house] Don't even think about locking that door!
Ben:
Locking it? I was thinking of bricking it up!
Susan:
My mum's like a horror movie. If we all don't stick together, she'll pick us off one at a time.
Ben:
[
to Abi] You, you're unhinged!
[
to Michael]
Ben:
You, you're demented!
[
to Nick]
Ben:
You... you're just you!
[
to Ben]
Michael:
Sometimes you're treating me like I'm you.
[
repeated line]
Ben:
Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
Roger:
You'll kill me one of these days.
Ben:
That's the plan.
Abi:
Thanks, Ben. You've been saying really nice things lately... Actually they're the same things but without the sarcasm.
Michael:
If I was smart, I'd have run away with the circus already.
Susan:
And the plastic lobster is still there - not that I've seen it before...
Ben:
[
pulling Abi's arm] I'm desperate!
Roger:
[
pulling Abi's other arm; shouting] Then buy a magazine!
Ben:
[
grabs Michael on the neck from behind] Right, gotcha!
Michael:
How long have you been waiting there?
Ben:
Hours. Where's my £60?
Michael:
I put it in the bank.
Ben:
At this time of night?
Michael:
Erm... I did it online.
Ben:
[
looking puzzled] I gave you cash!
Michael:
It's got a holographic modem.
Ben:
What's that?
Michael:
Well... you scan the bank notes into the feeder slot, which then converts them into cyber-pennies... which, then transmatterates them directly into my account.
Ben:
Well, transmatterate them back.
Michael:
Erm... you can't do it twice. They'll disintegrate.
Ben:
Come on! You can't fool me! I'm not your mother! If you can transmatterate them one way, you can transmatterate them back! Now, where's my cash?
Janey:
Abi, can you keep a secret?
Abi:
Oh, yeah. I've never told anyone about Michael's vandalism charge.
Michael:
[
from the other room] Hey!
Abi:
Don't worry, Janey. I had a fantasy man for about a year. They always leave you. The sex is great, though!
Ben:
She's got the worst set of teeth I've ever seen, and I'm a dentist.
[
Susan is writing a letter to Janey]
Ben:
She never writes to me.
Susan:
Well you never write to her.
Ben:
I do. I wrote to her yesterday. I sent her a parental haiku. "Enclosed is cheque, you bleed me dry, stop it."
Related Links
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