Out Cold (2001)

David Koechner: Stumpy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stumpy : I was there. Yeah, it was called the '80s. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House and FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-a-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts making so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets are running with latte. It got so bad that a fella that liked to, you know... smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, was "uncouth, against God." More like bad real estate values. Stumpy had to go!

• Stumpy : Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Ya I don't want credit for it but they keep on giving it to me...

• Stumpy : Rick! I'm your father!

  Rick : Ok whatever!

• Stumpy : Oh you foolish foolish boys. This is how it all starts. I've seen it all before. I was there. I was there. Yeah! It was called the 80's! Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House, FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bumming in a hole in the wall town in what is now called "Utah". Some fellow from Colorado shows up- starts making all kinds of so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets were running us with lattes!

  Rick : No?

  Stumpy : Yup!... It got so bad that a fellow that liked to, you know, smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster! Maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, is uncouth, "Against God!" and bad for real estate values. STUMPY HAD TO GOOOO! Richard, be careful what you wish for.

  Rick : You got it Stump

  Stumpy : Be careful what you wish for!

  Rick : I will

  Stumpy : Alright?

  [slams knife down onto table but into his own hand] 

  Rick : GOD!

  Stumpy : [voice straining]  I'm good

  Pigpen : [nonchalantly]  You better put something on that

  Stumpy : [Walks away straining] 

• Barry : So, uh, who's the "jaccuzi casanova?"

  Stumpy : [pointing at Luke]  Yeah, that's him right there

  Luke : Thanks Stumpy

  Stumpy : They call him that because he had himself up in it, ya know? lovin' it strong.

• Stumpy : Hey, Pig Pen, you ever been in one of those lesbian chat rooms?

  Pig Pen : No... are they good?

  Stumpy : [looking away]  Well, I don't know.

• Stumpy : It's called the '80s. Ford was president, Nixon was in the White House, and FDR was running this country into the ground.

• Stumpy : You know, the Eskimo have nine words for a hell mooch stuck in a hot tube... Hell, they only have 8 words for snow!