Tomcats (2001)

Jerry O'Connell: Michael Delany

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carlos : I'm curious, Mr. Delaney. How did you get the money?

  Michael : I guess you could say I sold my soul.

  Carlos : Yeah, I see a lot of that.

• Shelby : Say it, Michael.

  Michael : Say it?

  Shelby : I won't do it unless you say it.

  Michael : I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit of trouble concentrating here. What is it exactly you want me to say?

  Shelby : You know. Those three... little... words...

  Michael : Those three little words... Hold on a minute.

  Shelby : What? What's wrong?

  Michael : I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

  Shelby : Why are you acting like this?

  Michael : Shelby, I like you. I like you a lot. But things are just moving a little too fast. I'm just not ready to say, "I love you".

  Shelby : What makes you think I want you to say, "I love you"?

  Michael : Oh, come on. Back there. You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words.

  Shelby : You colossal moron! "Suck... my... cock".

  Michael : Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock!

• Michael : [to himself]  You are going to have sex with the first woman you see. First woman you see, first woman you see.

  [walks out of the bathroom and stumbles by an unattractive, fat woman] 

  Michael : OK, second woman you see. The second woman you see.

• Natalie : I'm falling for Kyle.

  Michael : What?

  Natalie : He's actually sweet.

  Michael : Sweet? The guy screws women while they're barfing!

• Jill : That's right, you are a doodle bug.

  Michael : I'm not a doodle bug.

  Jill : That's what you are, just a little dirty bug.

• [Natalie is with Kyle in the bedroom] 

  Michael : Natalie, get out of there! Save yourself! It's the dick of death!

• Jill : [as a tortured Micheal tries to scream in his gag]  I don't know, I'm just not feeling it. Something's... missing.

  Granny : [walks in with a whip and dominatrix' clothes]  Here's grammy!

  [plays with her tongue as the screen fades out] 

  Michael : [fade in to outside the house]  That's it, no more redheads. No more redheads ever.

  [screams as the gate touches his backside] 

• Steve : It's like I've found this huge spiritual side to myself that I didn't even know existed

  Michael : Last week, I had sex with twins.

  Steve : OK, you win.

• Kyle : Oh If I get married it's going to be a cosmetics counter girl.

  Michael : Why a cosmetics counter girl?

  Kyle : It's the perfect woman, man. You know they're always going to smell good and wear makeup, plus, they're not too ambitious so they'll make a good wife AND they're not going to be one of those damn feminist bitches that keep their own last name when you marry them.

  Steve : Like my mom?

  Kyle : Yeah, exactly.

• Kyle : [after surgery to remove his testicle]  Mike, I want my ball.

  Michael : Kyle, I understand that but look on the bright side, you still have one healthy one.

  Kyle : You don't understand, I want it! I want to take it home with me. The nurses said I can't do that.

  Michael : It's not a tooth, Kyle.

  Kyle : It belongs to me! I miss it. Please get my nut.

• Jill : You don't respect books.

  Michael : I love books,

  Jill : You break their bindings, and you doodle in their margins.

• Michael : What is that?

  Jill : You piece of slime.

• Jill : You said it, we're on the same wavelength.

  Michael : Oh yeah. All that wavelength stuff. To be frankly honest with you, I was just saying that to get you into bed.

  Jill : That is not very nice, Infact that is downright naughty.

• Michael : I know that you would probably just like to have me hanging around so you can...

  [Jill opens up the curtains behind to reveal hidden BDSM equipment] 

  Michael : beat the ever living shit our of me.

• Michael : [to Jill after she takes off her pink gown revealing that she is really wearing a purple leather corset underneath]  I gotta tell you Jill. This is a little unexpected.

  Jill : Call me Mistress, you disgusting little worm.

• Michael : [at the Sperm Bank, sets a filled container on the counter]  This.

  Nurse Nancy : Dude.

  Michael : [sets another filled container on the counter]  And this.

  Nurse Nancy : *Dude*!

  Michael : [sets yet another filled container on the counter]  And this.

  Nurse Nancy : [surprised and impressed]  DUDE!

• [Natalie hands Michael some "Horny Devil" boxers she randomly bought for him] 

  Michael : Oh great! These will go well with my Horny Devil socks.

• Jill : You've been a bad bad boy,

  Michael : No no no, I haven't. I've been a very good boy.

  Jill : You had an overdue library book.