The 10th Kingdom (2000)
John Larroquette: Tony Lewis
Photos
Quotes
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Tony : All right, all right. Wait, wait! I have a question! What is the point in having a door that has a horrible death behind it? Huh?
[picks up frog]
Frog : Get your hands off me!
Tony : What does that achieve?
Frog : What are you doing?
Tony : I mean, what is the purpose of your life? Just to be a pain?
Frog : Don't touch me there, only my girlfriend touches me there!
[Tony throws the frog through one of the doors]
Frog : WHOA!
[Tony slams the door, there's a large explosion and fireball]
Wolf : I guess it's the other one.
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Tony : What is it with you people? What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know, why can't you just say, 'Oh, that'll be 100 gold coins'? Why does it always have to be, 'No! Not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on that giant's ass!'?
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Virginia : Our mirror's smashed, what can we do? Where the hell are the other two?
Gustav the Magic Mirror : Mirror one shattered be, by an oaf called Antony. Mirror two is on a bed with barnacles upon its head.
Tony : A bed... with barnacles.
Virginia : The sea bed!
Dwarf Librarian : Yes. One fell into the Great Northern Sea. I think you can safely discount that one.
Gustav the Magic Mirror : What you seek has not been seen, since it was stolen by the Queen.
Tony : The Queen! That's all we need.
Prince Wendell : Antony, uh, any chance of a little biscuit?
Tony : No, no, no, um...
[sputtering]
Tony : Very helpful you have been, just tell us where we can find the Queen.
Gustav the Magic Mirror : Near she is, but not alone. In a place that's not her home. In a castle, out of sight, where once the Queen was called Snow White.
Tony : That's Prince Wendell's castle.
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Prince Wendell : And now, for the greatest bravery imaginable. For courage in the face of relentless and terrible danger, I award my dear friends the highest medals in my Kingdom. Firstly, my temporary manservant, Antony. My people, look upon my friend. No longer is he spineless and wallowing in self pity.
Tony : Thanks.
Prince Wendell : No longer is he a balding useless coward who would rather run than fight.
Tony : I think they got the message.
Prince Wendell : No longer is he selfishly driven by envy and greed.
Tony : Wendell, the medal.
Prince Wendell : No. He is heroically transformed. What braver man could exist, than Antony the Valiant?
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Gustav the Magic Mirror : An answer only will I chime, when questions put are asked in rhyme.
Dwarf Librarian : All early mirrors talk in verse.
Tony : Yes, of course.
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Prince Wendell : And what is your plan now, Antony?
Tony : Get drunk.
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Tony : It's no use, the man is a complete idiot.
Village Idiot : If only. Now my father, he was a *complete* idiot. I'm still a half-wit.
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[running into the Village Idiot]
Tony : Do we have magnets in our pockets? How do we attract people like this?
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Tony : All right, Mr. I-don't-have-to-look-but-I-can-chop-wood, your name is Rumpelstiltskin.
Woodsman : No.
Tony : I said, "Rumpelstiltskin".
Wolf : [frustrated and scared] That's not his name!
Woodsman : Guess again.
Tony : Oh, ah, Rumpelstiltskin Junior?
[Wolf sighs and shakes his head]
Tony : Rumpelstiltskin the Fourth?
Woodsman : No.
Tony : Does it have a Rumpel in it?
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Tony : Is this still the right way to your castle?
Prince Wendell : Right, um, I'll go and get a stick.
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[reading gravestone]
Tony : Here lies Ivan The Optimist.
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Tony : Well, it's "slice the fruitcake" time again.
