- Latrelle Williamson: I know you're gay, Ty! I've known you're gay since you were five years old and you wanted that doll Suzy Q for Christmas instead of the dump truck that your Daddy wanted to buy you! I know you're gay, Ty, I've always known, but could we just please bury your grandmother and get on with life? Huh? Could we? Because I think I'm gonna explode any minute if *any more shit hits the fan today!*
- Ty Williamson: You knew? Since I was five? I've had twenty-seven therapists and you knew?
- [pauses, and remembers who's talking to him]
- Ty Williamson: Did *you* just say "shit"?
- Sissy: [smoking and talking to her dead sister's corpse] Hey. Guess you don't mind if I smoke. It has not been a good day sister. And I blame YOU... You turn on a LIGHT when you go to the bathroom... If you are going to have affairs you have GOT to be more careful! Of course, this is all useless information for you now.
- Odell Owens: You know, G.W., no offense now, but, uh... You're starting to get on my nerves. I mean, get off the Cross, buddy, we need the wood.
- Dr. Eve: You have got to get over this Tammy Wynette fixation!
- Brother Boy: Well, someone's got to carry on her legacy now that she's gone!
- Dr. Eve: You've been doing this for twenty-three years! What was your excuse before she died?
- Brother Boy: My mind's a blank.
- Brother Boy: Well I did it. I walked all the way down that hall with one less piece of female attire... that is, if you consider a wig attire.
- Sissy: I don't care, quite frankly! I am tryin' to quit smokin'! And the two of you are gettin' on my nerves!
- Brother Boy: I think you are just an evil, bitter, old, alcoholic sex fiend who needs a lifetime of therapy herself!
- Sissy: Good Lawd Latrelle. Don't you know better than to sneak up on someone when they're tawkin' to a corpse?
- Sissy: [as she looks at a card on the flowers in the church after paying last respects to her sister] "Jesus called, Peggy answered... Awwwwwwwww"
- Sissy: Leticia Bustamonte, that sweet little Mexican girl who stocks the shelves, told me TOM-Ed had to reinforce that stool with lugnuts...
- Latrelle Williamson: I swawn!
- Brother Boy: I washed 'n set this an hour before my appointment so I'd have just enough time to dry it up under my portable... but I wouldn't have time to finish fixin' it. So I'd have to bring it here to my session to put the finishin' touches on it.
- G.W. Nethercott: Life is one big ol' pile of sh**, Latrelle!
- Latrelle Williamson: Well, he's right about that!