Guest House Paradiso (1999)

Adrian Edmondson: Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Chef's hurt himself.

  Richard Twat : How badly?

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Indescribably badly. He hit his head on a frying pan seventeen times.

• Richard Twat : Will you stop making those owl noises?

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Sorry

  Richard Twat : Now come on

  [Rich slips and lands with his eye in the candle] 

  Richard Twat : AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH

  [Lights go out then Eddy lights another candle] 

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Rich are you alright?

  Richard Twat : Candle in the eye.

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : What?

  Richard Twat : Candle in the eye

  [rich points to his eye] 

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Oh righto

  [Eddy shoves the candle in Richies unburnt eye] 

  Richard Twat : AAAARRRGGGGGHHH

• Richard Twat : [opens the till and finds it empty]  What are the advance bookings, like?

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Ah, not too good.

  Richard Twat : [shuts the till]  Ooooooooh, God!

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Come on, Richie, it's not that bad.

  Richard Twat : Yes, it is, I just trapped the tip of my penis in the till drawer!

  Mrs Foxfur : [Eddie open the till]  Oh, Mr Twat!

  Richard Twat : It's Thwaite,

  [whispers] 

  Richard Twat : I thought you said the guests have gone.

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : I thought she was dead.

• Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : [Explosion. Miss Carbonara raises an enquiring eyebrow]  Mice. Basque separatist mice.

• Richard Twat : What about that ring

  Mrs Nice : I never take it off.

  Richard Twat : Well what about the watch then? Is that expensive?

  Mr Nice : Oh, it's just a cheap copy.

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Well that will do, the pawnbroker is very shortsighted.

  Richard Twat : EDDIE! means, that you don't need a watch in paradise. Time... stops here

  [Mr. Nice hands over the watch] 

• Gina Carbonara : Good evening, Mr. Twat.

  Richard Twat : It's cunt. Damn... again. Gina Carbonara! The melons from Milan!

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : Yeah, the nipples from Naples!

  Richard Twat : The rump from Rome!

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : The rectum from Reykjavík! Hang on, that's not quite right, is it?

• Richard Twat : [Richie puts on Eddie's glasses]  How do I look?

  Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba : I don't know I can't see a fucking thing!