Teenage Space Vampires (1999) User Reviews

Not worth the effort...

[paul_haakonsen · 3/10 · 24 November 2018]

I stumbled upon "Teenage Space Vampires" on Netflix, and with a title such as this, I had to sit down and watch it, of course. And yeah, I knew that this was most likely going to be a stinker. But I still watched it on the odd chance that it might actually turn out to be a campy gem.

It wasn't!

This movie was horrible. The storyline was laughable at best, and there were so many things throughout the course of the movie that made little or no coherent sense at all. Sure, I wasn't expecting a thespian story here, but come on, this was just insulting to the audience.

The cast in the movie was actually adequate, just a shame that they had such an atrocious script and plot to work with. So the storyline served as an inhibitor around the ankles of the performers, effectively holding them back in a less than mediocre gutter.

The special effects in the movie were not even remotely great, taking into consideration that the movie was made in 1999. The special effects were mediocre and the make-up on the creatures was on one hand alright, but on the other hand horrible. The part where it was alright is that it looked interesting enough. The bad aspect to it was the fact that they opted to only put the make-up on the faces of the performers, leaving the rest of the body untouched by similar make-up and prosthetic. That was just laughable.

I dozed off once during the movie, because it was such a prolonged movie with a storyline that had next to no appeal at all. I did manage to endure the movie to the very end, and I can in all honesty say that I will never return to watch "Teenage Space Vampires" a second time.

Entertaining for middle school, early high school age kids.

[ChuckStraub · 3/10 · 27 March 2004]

This is a movie that was probably made to entertain the middle school, early high school age kids. Maybe to them it's funny, they may possibly even see something scary in it. To me, the acting is poor, and plot is poor, there's just not much value at all for the adult viewer. I saw this film as weak and boring. At times there was the possibility that the movie could become interesting but it never really materialized. The creatures look pretty good but after seeing them for a few seconds, they don't seem to have any substance other than the look. At times I wasn't sure if the movie was trying to make another attempt at comedy or was it just another attempt at horror that failed again. This movie just wasn't good for me.

UFO trash from Romania

[Leofwine_draca · 3/10 · 13 December 2017]

More straight to video trash from Full Moon Pictures and Charles Band's 1990s Romanian empire, renowned for putting out cheap and cheerful horror and children's films in equal measure. This is one of the latter, a kid's adventure story in which the usual nerdish hero spots a UFO hovering over his town. A full-on alien invasion subsequently follows, albeit one done on a very low budget with an almost entire lack of realism. The acting is poor and the effects equally so, aside from a cool moving gargoyle which I liked the look of. This production is interminable when it should be exciting, the kind of thing that quickly outstays its welcome. And that's from someone who likes some of Full Moon's output. I put it on par with a Christopher Ecclestone-era episode of DR WHO.

Many have said it, but they haven't seen this movie: Worst Movie Ever

[americanburnham9 · 1/10 · 26 January 2006]

This movie's only redeeming factor was the fact that it was on TV for free, and that it probably helped the Romanian economy. Other than that, Hallmark needs to re-evaluate this division of their empire, and maybe keep their movies more oriented towards bizarre love affairs between cancer-stricken hemophiliacs in Mississippi. To go into details about how mindless this movie is would give credit to it for being memorable. It wasn't. I remember the act of watching it, there being vampires (some of them teenage) and some very bad dubbing. Whoever worked on the dubbing track of this movie needs to be relocated to another sector of society...maybe food service, to the deaf. If you have the opportunity, watch this movie, just because it makes so many other really bad movies seem Oscar-worthy in retrospect. Then again, if you actually ended up at this movie's profile, I imagine that it may be too late...

Stupid, poorly scripted, horribly acted, mediocre effects... But darn funny.

[bloop · 1/10 · 1 January 2000]

This is one of the worst movies I've seen in my life. If you're looking for a nice theatrical effect, skip it and watch something else.

But if you're looking for camp-value, this is it. Here's my advice: Gather a few sarcastic friends and watch the movie strictly for the purpose of making fun of it.

Romania!

[tedg · 12 July 2004]

Spoilers herein.

I make a hobby of folded films. That's where the form and the content overlap in some interesting way. The story in this case is a simple twist on the vampire story: vampires triggered by alien influences pretending to be American small towners.

The movie itself comes to us from Romania, purported origin of the story. (The film was coproduced by Canadian and Romanian interests.) It does an odd job of pretending to be American Small towners with an eastern European cast and a smattering of Canadians. Some voices are dubbed, and many have the accent usually invested in Dracula himself. The alien monster is as alien to Romania as the fictional Dracula is to London, where these things are usually set.

I came to this because I am interested in Canadian fantasy and independently redheaded actresses. The redhead in this case was Lindy Booth, who appears as the blond head cheerleader, dating the soccer captain. Who knows what she really is, but in later projects she is red. I think she was made blond here.

Of all film genres, vampire movies exploit redheads the most clearly. That makes it interesting that this one has neither the three brides, nor any redhead unless you count the thirty seconds Mihaela Munteanu is on screen.

The production design was the worst part except for the spaceship. The design of the exterior on the ground was pretty interesting. More organic than anything else in the movie.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

THIS AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE

[nogodnomasters · 3/10 · 8 June 2019]

This 1999 dud is being recycled by Fullmoon/Redbox as "Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga". Dweeb Bill (Robin Dunne) and Geek Kevin (Mac Fyfe) see a UFO. They are excited that SETI is in town to investigate. There is a story of a local abandoned diamond mine with a rare diamond. Tie this together with the title and you got yourself a Saturday morning film.

The acting was horrendous. This was clearly written by or for a fifth grader. The special effects were laughable. There was a quick moment that sounds like they dropped the f-bomb when the SETI team high-five each other and one of them says something that sounds too much like.

This is perhaps Martin Wood's worse work. Not recommended for anyone of any age unless you want something with camp value.

Pretty bland vampire movie...

[Aaron1375 · 2/10 · 29 December 2021]

You are looking for a movie, maybe something cheesy and fun to watch. You see the title Teenage Space Vampires and you nod approvingly to yourself. You know it is going to be cheesy, probably some good gore and some nudity too! Well, you would be wrong on almost all accounts as never has a more bland vampire movie been made before as those Dracula flicks of the 50's had more blood! About the only thing we get here is a passable main vampire monster which takes forever to show up as do most of the vampires!

The story, well imagine if you took the Tobe Hooper visionary film Lifeforce, combined it with the very good horror comedy Fright Night and then kind of puked on them and then you cleaned it up and put it in a toilet that someone had just wrecked! Well you would get this movie that is trying to combine space and vampires and comedy but does so horribly! Billy sees an object and thinks it's a UFO, strange things happen and a soccer game plays a prominent role and at some point space vampires do show up...

Well, there is one thing even worse in this film than the story, the effects and the lack of anything interesting going on and that is some of the actors. I began to wonder if may Billy's parents were aliens as they did not act like any human I have witnessed before and his friend was pretty bad too, though it is nice to see one half of the Proclaimers working after their one hit.

So, you get a whole lot of nothing in this one for the most part as I believe this film is the only vampire film to ever be blood free! I mean, if you make a good story you do not have to have a total gore movie complete with lots of nudity, but the story in this one is not good and it does not chug along at a good pace either. I mean, you get to see two guys in a library looking up stuff to determine sunlight is the way to hurt a vampire...

An ok cast...gone to waste!

[rmobsessed · 20 January 2001]

This movie is simply and purely an hour and a half too long. The only thing that saved this movie from being a total bomb was Devin Crannell and Lindy Booth. They were extremely talented, but some bits were a little bit more of an improvisation. The movie is really bad so unless you want to kill 90 minutes on a day when there's NOTHING (can't stress that enough) to do, I would watch it.