- [Bridge On the River Kwai sketch]
- Roland Rat: So go and blow up that bridge.
- Ross Davidson: What... What. That bridge?
- Roland Rat: Yeah. Why not?
- Ross Davidson: Because man it's a very, very busy bridge.
- Roland Rat: Year?
- Ross Davidson: It's in Staines. The number 68 bus goes along there.
- Roland Rat: Oh. Don't be stupid. This is the Burmese jungle remember? Look. London Transport doesn't operate in jungles. London Transport hardly operates in London.
- Ross Davidson: Oh year? Well what's that then?
- [the number 68 bus goes across]
- Errol: It's the number 68 bus.
- [Tale of two Cities sketch]
- Brian Blessed: I hope this has been worthwhile.
- Roland: Of course it has Bri. You know you're middle aged. You've got a lot of pull.
- Regie: Pull.
- [Pulls the plank]
- Regie: Done it.
- Roland: Do you realise what you've just done Regie?
- Regie: Cut his head off.
- Roland: Yeah. You've just executed one of the major figures of the English stage.
- [Tuts]
- Roland: Perhaps we should have got Donald Sinden after all.
- Roland: Right, Brian, all you do now is kneel down and put your head in the hole. Okay. And then we fade out. Yeeaahhh.
- Brian Blessed: If I must. Like this?
- Roland: Yes thank you Brian. Very nice, very nice. Yes. Ha-ha. So this is where I do me big speech. "So die, all enemies, of the revolution." Yeah. "The end". Ha-ha-ha.
- Brian Blessed: Can I get up now?
- Roland: No. Hold it for the fade out.
- Brian Blessed: God I hope this has been worthwhile.
- Roland: Of course it has Bri. You know you're a big draw with the middle aged. You'll got a lot of pull.
- Regie: Pull.
- [Plank comes down]
- Regie: Done it.
- Roland: Do you realize what you've just done Regie?
- Regie: Cut his head off.
- Roland: Yeah. You've just executed one of the major figures of the English stage
- [tuts]
- Roland: . Perhaps we should have got Donald Sinden after all. Ha-ha
- [walks off in a hurry]
- Roland: .
- Darcey: Darcey De-Farcey's Secret of the Worlds Greatest Chefs. And there are still a few copies left you lucky people.
- Errol: I thought you said that you had a warehouse full of them.
- Darcey: Yes. Thank you Errol.
- Errol: No one in their right minds would buy one of them.
- Maureen: I brought one.
- Errol: Exactly. I rest my case.
- Fergie The Ferret: Luvvy Duvvy Darling.