The Specials (2000)

Thomas Haden Church: The Strobe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Amok : We may not be the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most powerful. But we don't exist for the beautiful people of the world, Ted! We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!

  Nightbird : That's what Weevil said.

  Amok : Baby, please, he stole it from me.

  The Strobe : You stole it from a speech I gave at the University of Delaware.

• The Strobe : I'm not saying the Great Strobe is better than other humans. I am, but that's beside the point. I can shoot laser beams out of my arms, that's what sets me apart. Can other humans do that? Can they? Can they?

• The Strobe : I was gonna take this opportunity to introduce our newest member Nightbird, but when you create her action figure you'll probably make a giant tit come out of her forehead.

• Zip Boy : What's wrong?

  The Strobe : My wife's a Weevil-fucker.

• The Strobe : It just would've been nice to have gotten a little backup from my wife, that's all.

  Ms. Indestructible : I didn't wanna hear the story. I've heard that story more than anyone in the world. And Amok didn't want to hear it, either.

  The Strobe : Well, here's a news flash for you: Amok? He's a fucking asshole.

  Ms. Indestructible : You should watch out, Ted. You know, someone could be secretly recording this. They could sell it to "Inside Edition" and then children all over the world would start saying "fucking asshole." Only it would really be you saying "fucking asshole." Or would that be God, since you're a part of God?

  The Strobe : Why do you mock me?

  Ms. Indestructible : Because...

  The Strobe : What you're doing is mocking me and everything that I am. My whole worldview. You know what you're doing? You're just... you're saying that... that it's a little worm.

  Ms. Indestructible : What?

  The Strobe : Yeah. Yeah, little worm that lives between somebody's toes. A big fat guy's toes. Or-Or maybe grows out of a rock.

  Ms. Indestructible : Worms don't grow out of rocks, Ted!

  The Strobe : Well, excuse me, Emily, if "rockworm" isn't clever enough for you. But you just insulted me. And you did it in front of the group.

  [sarcastic] 

  The Strobe : Thank you.

• The Strobe : [greeting Nightbird]  As a Special, you'll experience all sorts of exotic wonders. In Africa, we discovered a tribe of pygmies that feasted upon a harmless human baby.

  Ms. Indestructible : It wasn't a baby.

  The Strobe : It was a baby.

  Ms. Indestructible : No, Ted, it was a rabbit that they'd shaved and you thought it was a baby.

  The Strobe : I saw its fingers.

• The Strobe : When I first gained my superpowers...

  Amok : Oh, Jesus! Nobody wants to hear your boring fucking origin story! Let's take a vote.

  The Strobe : Let me ask you something, my friend.

  Amok : You're not my fucking friend! Maybe every once in a while I want to go out and have a beer and bang some slut rag 'til her eyes bleed. And maybe I don't give a shit if it gets in the L.A. Daily Post! I save lives. I don't think I owe anybody anything other than that.

  Deadly Girl : You've also tried to take lives.

  Amok : Oh, you know what? That was a long time ago, okay? I was a kid. I got caught up with the wrong bunch of people.

  The Strobe : You got caught up with the wrong bunch of people, mister. And now you're getting caught up in some pretty sick ideas.

  Amok : Forget it! Forget I said a thing.

  Power Chick : Nobody's saying that, Amok. I like you. It's just... sometimes I think you must be hurting so much inside because you're so... aggressive.

  Amok : You're 12-stepping me to death here, bitch.

• The Strobe : When my brother and I fell into the vat of mysterious radioactive chemicals at the photo processing plant and woke up in the hospital three weeks later with powers no other human had ever known before us, a phrase came to mind, seemingly, words of God. "With super-power comes super responsibility." And I realized at that point that I... was blessed and would not be afforded the capriciousness of other men, common men, little men. Thousands of children would see me around the world as a part of God. If a recovering alcoholic sees me in a bar drinking alcohol and he has a poster of the Great Strobe on his wall at home, and he says to himself, "The Great Strobe can share a beer, have a shot, why can't I? Who am I? I'm a little man." And he gets drunk and he goes home and he beats his wife to death with a crowbar! That may as well be my hand beating that woman to death! Or if I'm caught by a tabloid reporter urinating on a prostitute for pleasure, it's disgusting, but... it really happened to Captain Osiris in Milwaukee. And then a little boy urinates on his sister. And she has a cut on her arm. Little, tiny arm. And the cut becomes infected and the infection goes to gangrene and eventually the arm is removed. That may as well have been me urinating on that little girl. With superpowers comes super responsibility, damn it. Laugh at my manner if you must, but please, please... heed my words.

• The Strobe : In light of tonight's reception, I think it's only appropriate that we discuss some of the public behavior of some of the group's members, which, as of late, has been lacking a certain, shall we say, tact. Witness this photograph of Amok and Weevil smoking cigarettes in a bathroom stall. Appeared in the L.A. Daily News.

  The Weevil : Ted, look, it's not like we were walking down Main Street. We were crouched down in a stall. A guy came in with a camera.

  The Strobe : You don't see the Crusaders smoking cigarettes.

  U.S. Bill : What if they were doing number two?

  The Strobe : Let me tell you something, my friend. When I first gained my superpowers...

  Amok : Here we go again.

  The Strobe : Some of us may not think this is trivial, pal. Some of us may want to hear this. Note the new member, for instance, Nightbird.

  Power Chick : I wanna hear it.

  The Strobe : Thank you, Power Chick.

  Power Chick : You're welcome, Ted.

  Mr. Smart : [the machine on his nose whirs]  Someone's playing with Play-Doh.

• The Weevil : We have a problem.

  The Strobe : What problem?

  The Weevil : Promise me you're not gonna panic.

  The Strobe : Okay, I'm panicking. That line about don't panic makes me panic.

  The Weevil : Right. Check out Smart.

  The Strobe : [seeing him with a makeshift bandage on his nose]  Holy shit. Is that a maxi pad on his face?

• Zip Boy : Honestly, Ted. There is a mint to be made for superhumans in the private sector. New Standards, Inc. It's a plastics company in Detroit. They spend millions every year on lasers. Someone with your talents could perform delicate welding...

  The Strobe : Yeah, that's the most boring story I've ever heard. Now, come on, Jerry, let's be truthful. Don't you miss being Zip Boy, the fastest kid in the world?

  Zip Boy : I... I don't.

  The Strobe : How about the time we captured and drained the Amazing Blister?

  Zip Boy : I enjoy my job. I enjoy recruiting other superhumans into a better, more profitable lifestyle. And I can still utilize my powers. I ran here from Yemen this morning, for Christ's sakes. 28 minutes.

• Ms. Indestructible : [on the telephone]  Why would we have nude photographs of our ex-members on file?

  Mr. Smart : New girl's here. I found her peeking through the windows in the back.

  Ms. Indestructible : You wouldn't want one of those.

  The Strobe : Mr. Smart, what is that intriguing device sitting upon your nose?

  Ms. Indestructible : 'Cause I've seen Valiant Lass naked and she has a vestigial penis.

• Ms. Indestructible : [the Strobe replaces a portrait of their wedding day on the wall]  Ted, that's coming down.

  The Strobe : It's me. It's from a fan.

• The Strobe : I'd like to thank Kosgro Toys for honoring the Specials with these action figures. They are... without a doubt, the... hugest pieces of crap I have ever seen.

• The Strobe : Don't think that your Weevil agility can outrun my lasers, pal! If I wanted to, I could cut your head off and then do some intricate welding and slicing with your guts!

  The Weevil : What? Get... get the cameras out of here!

  Minute Man : Will you get the cameras out of here? Tony, what'd you do to him?

  The Weevil : I didn't do anything!

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted, let's go home. Let's talk about this...

  The Strobe : I don't know where your home is, lady, but it's not with me.

  Deadly Girl : What did you do to him?

  Ms. Indestructible : This is none of your business.

  Deadly Girl : He's my friend.

  Ms. Indestructible : He's my husband!

  The Weevil : Ted, just... just tell us what's wrong.

  The Strobe : What's wrong? You mean beyond the fact that you're fucking my wife?

  [Deadly Girl punches Ms. Indestructible in the eye, hard] 

• The Strobe : How much does that New Standard job pay?

  Zip Boy : They'll cough up a couple of hundred grand a year.

  The Strobe : Good.

  Zip Boy : It's full-time.

  The Strobe : Great.

  Zip Boy : In Detroit.

  The Strobe : I want to live there.

  Zip Boy : You okay?

  The Strobe : I'm great. Especially now that I have a great new job

  [loudly so Jerry's party guests can hear] 

  The Strobe : as a welding asshole! When can I start?

  Zip Boy : Anytime.

  The Strobe : Tomorrow?

  Zip Boy : Sure.

  The Strobe : Excellent.

  Zip Boy : I'll draw up the contracts.

  The Strobe : Great.

  Zip Boy : Meet me in my office tomorrow?

  The Strobe : No problem.

  Zip Boy : About 11:00?

  The Strobe : I'm there.

  Zip Boy : Breakfast?

  The Strobe : Can't wait to get started.

• Ms. Indestructible : I didn't know you were here.

  The Strobe : I was just... sorting through some files. In light of the... group's break-up. If you wanna help, this pile pertains to the building fund. And this pile pertains to the group payroll.

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted... what's your plan?

  The Strobe : The group's fini. Finito. Vertig.

  Ms. Indestructible : Uh, I mean...

  The Strobe : I was saying "finished" in different languages.

  Ms. Indestructible : I know. I meant regarding me.

  The Strobe : Oh. Well, I realized last night in a heart-to-heart conversation with Eight...

  Ms. Indestructible : Oh, Christ.

  The Strobe : That I'm vain and self-absorbed. For God's sakes, Emily, "I think I'm chosen by God"?

  Ms. Indestructible : I'm sorry.

  The Strobe : I'm a buffoon.

  Ms. Indestructible : No, Ted...

  The Strobe : It must be hell to be married to me.

  Ms. Indestructible : I am sorry.

  The Strobe : But I think it's a hell that you deserve. I've decided that the best revenge I could ever exact upon you would be to accept you back into the marriage.

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted, uh...

  The Strobe : You blame your actions with Weevil on my emotional distance? Oh, you... you will learn the true meaning of emotional distance.

• Mr. Smart : Am I supposed to come in?

  Ms. Indestructible : Yes, you're supposed to come in.

  The Strobe : He's not supposed to come in.

  Ms. Indestructible : Get your ass out of bed and get over here.

  Mr. Smart : Excuse me, but...

  The Strobe : [Emily hangs up]  Hmm.

  Minute Man : [coming in with Deadly Girl]  Good morning.

  Ms. Indestructible : [seeing they're dressed in their previous day's clothes]  Did you two sleep together last night?

  Deadly Girl : Is oral sex sleeping together?

  Ms. Indestructible : Yes.

  Deadly Girl : I see.

  [dropping a box on the table] 

  Deadly Girl : Donuts for everyone!

  Nightbird : [coming in]  Hi.

  Deadly Girl : Shelly.

  Nightbird : I'm back.

  Mr. Smart : [coming in]  All right! I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late.

  The Strobe : Late for nothing. She should have never asked you to come in.

  Minute Man : Why aren't you wearing any pants?

  Mr. Smart : [looking down]  Oh, God. This is what happens when you scream at me on the phone. I'm sensitive. My overdeveloped mind is attuned to things you could never imagine.

  Deadly Girl : Has anyone noticed Mr. Smart has an enormous package?

  Mr. Smart : My father, too, had a large penis.

• The Strobe : Superheroes don't get Oscars. We get action figures.