Jim Carrey: Grinch
Photos
Quotes
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The Grinch : All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!
[Max knocks the red nose off]
The Grinch : BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.
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The Grinch : The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?
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The Grinch : MAX. HELP ME... I'm FEELING.
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[a taxicab passes him by]
The Grinch : It's because I'm green isn't it?
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The Grinch : I tell you Max, I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here.
[indicates himself]
The Grinch : [shouts] Hello?
Echo : Hello.
The Grinch : How are you?
Echo : How are you?
The Grinch : I asked you first.
Echo : I asked you first.
The Grinch : Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.
Echo : ...Saying exactly what I say.
The Grinch : I'm an idiot!
Echo : You're an idiot!
The Grinch : [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverbarates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.
[pause]
Echo : You're an idiot!
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The Grinch : Am I just eating because I'm bored?
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The Grinch : We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm going to throw up, and then I'm gonna die! Mommy, tell it to stop!
[continues to scream and yell, then chuckle as he gets the sleigh under control]
The Grinch : Whew... ha! Almost lost my *cool* there.
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Cindy Lou Who : We're gonna crash!
The Grinch : Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we're *horribly mangled*, there'll be no sad faces on Christmas.
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The Grinch : [messing with peoples mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty.
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The Grinch : That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been *about*. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your *garbage*. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice...
[shouts]
The Grinch : The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make GLUE!" Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this *whole* Christmas season is...
[shouts again]
The Grinch : ...stupid, stupid, stupid!
[calmer]
The Grinch : There is, however, one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful...
[holds up mistletoe]
The Grinch : Mistletoe.
[puts mistletoe over his butt]
The Grinch : Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!
[wiggles mistletoe]
The Grinch : Boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!
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Narrator : The Whos young and old would sit down to a feast, and they'll feast, and they'll feast.
The Grinch : And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast. They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast. But that's something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I'M SPEAKING IN RHYME!
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The Grinch : Any calls?
Grinch's Answering Machine : [computer voice] You have no messages.
The Grinch : Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Grinch's Answering Machine : [Grinch's voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key.
The Grinch : Hmm. Oh well.
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Narrator : So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.
The Grinch : [opens phone book] Alphabetically!
[looks into book]
The Grinch : Aadvarkian Abakeneezer Who, I...
[yelling]
The Grinch : HATE YOU!
[looks into book again]
The Grinch : Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate *you*.
[looking into book]
The Grinch : Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!
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Cindy Lou Who : Santa?
The Grinch : WHAT?
Cindy Lou Who : Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.
The Grinch : SWEET? You think he's sweet?
Cindy Lou Who : [nods] Merry Christmas, Santa.
[goes upstairs]
The Grinch : Nice kid... baaad judge of character.
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The Grinch : It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.
Narrator : And he puzzled and puzzled til his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
The Grinch : Maybe Christmas...
Narrator : He thought...
The Grinch : ...doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more.
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Cindy Lou Who : Santa, what's the meaning of Christmas?
The Grinch : [bursts through the Christmas tree] VENGEANCE!
The Grinch : [calmly] Er, I mean... presents, I suppose.
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The Grinch : I'm all toasty inside. And I'm leaking.
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The Grinch : Oh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE.
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The Grinch : Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant.
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The Grinch : What's that stench? It's fantastic.
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The Grinch : Oh, the Who-manity.
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The Grinch : [after getting bit on the butt by Max] That is not a chew toy. You have no idea where it's been.
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The Grinch : One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[Max barks]
The Grinch : I don't know, it's some kind of soup.
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The Grinch : [stops a tiny car] Evening, folks. Mind if I squeeze in?
[starts to sit on the car]
The Grinch : You might want to scooch over.
[the whos run away]
The Grinch : You did the right thing.
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The Grinch : Oh, no, the sleigh, the presents, they'll be destroyed, and I care!
[shouts]
The Grinch : What is the deal?
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The Grinch : [Takes back his mask and barks at Cindy Lou] Give me that! Don't you know you're not suppose to take things that don't belong to you? What's the matter with you, you some kind of wild animal? Huh?
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Cindy Lou Who : [kisses the Grinch on the cheek] Your cheek's so...
The Grinch : I know. Hairy.
Cindy Lou Who : No.
The Grinch : Greasy? Stinky? Do I have a zit?
Cindy Lou Who : No. Warm.
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Narrator : Then he slunk to the icebox.
[the Grinch hugs the fridge into place]
The Grinch : Slunk?
[opens up the fridge]
The Grinch : Eee.
Narrator : He eyed the Whos' feast. He took the Who-Pudding.
[the Grinch throws a plate of Who pudding away]
Narrator : He took... the Roast Beast.
The Grinch : Hike!
[tosses the Roast Beast in a football hike position]
Narrator : [as the Grinch messes everything up the fridge] He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Grinch, he even took their last can of Who-Hash.
[the Grinch opens up the cupboard to reveal a last can of Who-Hash inside in it just as Cindy opens her bedroom door]
Narrator : Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
The Grinch : And now...
Narrator : ...grinned the Grinch...
The Grinch : [snatches the tree] ... I'll stuff up the tree.
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The Grinch : [to the camera] Kids today. So desensitized by movies and televison.
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Mayor Augustus Maywho : They nursed you. They clothed you. Here they are! Your old biddies!
The Grinch : Are you two still living?
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The Grinch : I am the Grinch that stole Christmas... and I'm sorry.
[long silence]
The Grinch : Aren't you going to cuff me? Put me in a choke hold? Blind me with pepper spray?
Mayor Augustus Maywho : You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I'd go with the pepper spray.
Officer Wholihan : Yes, I heard him all right. He said he was sorry.
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Narrator : And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought...
The Grinch : I must stop this whole thing!
The Grinch : Why, for year after year I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming... but how? I MEAN... in what way?
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The Grinch : Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that's all that matters.
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[Cindy meets the Grinch for the first time]
Cindy Lou Who : You're the... the...
The Grinch : [mimicking Cindy] The... the... THE GRINCH!
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Cindy Lou Who : Thanks for saving me.
The Grinch : [stops in his tracks] Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo. I just noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear.
[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]
The Grinch : Hold still.
[to Max]
The Grinch : Max, pick out a bow.
[to Cindy]
The Grinch : Can I use your finger for a sec?
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Lou Lou Who : Hello? Is my Subzero Chillibrator running? I suppose.
The Grinch : Well then you better go catch it.
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The Grinch : [watching Santa through binoculars] Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes.
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The Grinch : [singing] Be it ever so heinous, there's no place like home.
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[last lines]
Narrator : So he brought back the toys and the food for the feast. And he, he himself, the Grinch, carved the roast beast.
The Grinch : There's nothin' like the holidays. Who wants the gizzard?
Drew Lou Who : I do.
The Grinch : Too late. That'll be mine.
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The Grinch : [his plan to ruin Christmas for the Whos] The crescendo of my odious opus.
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The Grinch : Holiday who-be what-ee?
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The Grinch : Well, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville.
[puts mistletoe up to his butt and makes a taunting noise as he shakes it around]
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Cindy Lou Who : [Lou standing in the way of the Sleigh] Daddy, move!
The Grinch : Dad, move it!
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The Grinch : Are you having a holly, jolly Christmas?
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The Grinch : you called down the thunder now get ready for the boom. gaze into the face of fear.
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The Grinch : [checking his heart size] Yes! Down a size and a half!
The Grinch : [to the camera] And this time, I'll keep it off.
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The Grinch : [arrives on the roof with Max] Come on, Max. It's our first stop.
Narrator : ...the old Grinchy Claus hissed, and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
[the Grinch prepares to go down the chimney with rope on his feet]
Narrator : He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch but if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
The Grinch : [imitating sports announcer] He's planning a double-twisting interrupted by forward-flying 2-and-a-half with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty.
[jumps high in the air as bungee jumping while vocalizing]
The Grinch : Whoo!
[leans closer to the chimney]
The Grinch : Laa-Laaa-Laaaaaaa!
[lands in the chimney upside down, and gets stuck since he gained a couple of pounds from the Whobilation]
Narrator : He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
The Grinch : Blasted water weight. Goes right to my hips.
[struggles his arms to free himself as he slides down and lands and hits his head by the fireplace]
The Grinch : Ow! Gee!
[looks at the view of the living room]
Narrator : Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue...
The Grinch : [to the narrator; breaking the fourth wall] Shh! A little more stealth, please.
Narrator : [whispering] ... Where the little Who stockings are all hung in a row.
The Grinch : These stockings...
Narrator : [normal voice] ... he grinned...
The Grinch : ...are the first things to go.
[picks out a jar of moths]
The Grinch : Okay, fellas. Chow time.
[frees the moths, sticks his head back up just as the moths eat the stockings. Then, the Grinch lowers a hose, and sucks everything into his bag, as he laughs evilly]
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Who : [while shoving food in the Grinch's mouth] This is NOT pudding.
The Grinch : What is it?
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The Grinch : In don't know it's some kind of soup.
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The Grinch : [Max continues barking at teenage Whos as they slide down back to Whoville] Well done, Max! Serves them right, those Yuletide loving, sickly sweet, nog sucking cheer mongers.
[Camera pans to Grinch's mouth]
The Grinch : I really don't like 'em. Mmm-mm! No, I don't.
[He eats a rotten onion]
The Grinch : MAX!
[Max whimpers]
The Grinch : Get my cloak!
[Max goes to get his cloak]
The Grinch : I've been much too tolerant of these Whovenile delinquents and their innocent, victimless pranks.
[From the back, we see the Grinch using the half eaten onion as deodorant, and he throws it away as he goes outside]
The Grinch : So, they want to get to know me, do they? They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch.
[He turns now, facing the camera with a grouchy face]
The Grinch : I guess I could use a little... social interaction.
[He smiles deviously]
