A Fish Tale (2000)
David Bateson: The Crab, The Shark, Additional Voices
Quotes
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Joe : [to the crab and Shark] Useless! The pair of you! You're not fit for sushi! I sentence you to execution!
The Shark : Uhh... what's that?
Joe : Shark! Chew up that useless crab and eat yourself when you've finished!
The Shark : [about to eat the crab] Yeh... uh... well...
[turns angrily to Joe]
Joe : [realizing his mistake] Uh... I mean, um, no no, uh, that won't do, ah, my mistake. Nobody has to execute themselves in a civilized society.
[spotting another fish]
Joe : You!
Seabass : Ah, who? Me?
Joe : Yes, you! Because of your long and loyal service to me, I hereby appoint you chief executioner.
Seabass : Ah! Ohh, thank you, sir. Ah, thank you, sir! Thank you, thank you, thank y -
[Shark devours him]
Joe : Uh, on the other fin, we could just call it water under the bridge. A great leader is distinguished by his ability to forgive. Shark, I hereby appoint you offensive commander!
The Shark : [calls the other fish to order] Atten-tion! Go and get those three infuriating fish and bring them to me *now*!
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The Shark : [after swimming through the potion, the two transform and gain the ability to speak] What happened?
[realizing he can talk]
The Shark : Whoa! What's that sound?
Joe : [stammering before realizing he can also talk] Mmm. I believe we have acquired the power of speech, my voracious friend.
The Shark : Uh...
Joe : [slurping up potion] I can talk. I can think.
[bottling potion]
Joe : Mmm, what a delicious beverage. Can you feel the power? Can you... taste it?
The Shark : Taste it?
[spotting a fish, which he eats]
The Shark : Ah! Food!
[belching in Joe's face]
The Shark : Oi! Clean my teeth! There's stuff in the cracks.
Joe : Henceforth, oral hygiene is no longer my department.
The Shark : What?
Joe : [flatly] I don't clean anymore. Try dental floss. From now on, I call the shots. Where there's brain power, I can have fame, fortune, servants.
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Fly : [Fly and his friends are trapped in a cage with a crab guarding them] Hey, you! Crab!
The Crab : It's against military regulations for a guard to converse with prisoners!
Fly : You are one poor excuse for a soldier, buddy. Pretty wimpy.
The Crab : Whaddaya mean wimpy?
Fly : A soldier is disciplined, brave, and above all, strong.
The Crab : What?
Fly : [standing in front of cage bar] Well, for starters, I bet your pathetic claw can't even put a dent in this iron bar.
The Crab : Oh yeah? Check this out! Watching?
Fly : Yeah.
The Crab : Ready?
Fly : Yeah, yeah!
The Crab : [gets ready to cut cage, but hesitates] Nah, too easy.
Fly : [points to another bar] Wait, wait, what about this one?
The Crab : Trivial!
Fly : No no, this is the perfect test for your strength. We're talking one hundred percent titanium here.
[the crab decides to snap the key instead]
Fly : No, not-not the key!