Simon Sez (1999)

User Rating:

2.2/10   

Director:

Kevin Elders

Writers:

Moshe Diamant (story) &
Rudy Cohen (story) ...

Release Date:

29 October 1999 (Estonia)

Genre:

Action | Comedy

Tagline:

The game's not over until...

Plot:

Plot Keywords:

Tied To Chair | Abduction | Gagged And Bound | Agent | Monk

Cast

Dennis Rodman	...	Simon
Dane Cook	...	Nick Miranda
John Pinette	...	Micro
Ricky Harris	...	Macro
Filip Nikolic	...	Michael Gabrielli (as Filip Nikolitch)
Natalia Cigliuti	...	Claire Fence
Emma Wiklund	...	The Dancer (as Emma Sjoberg)
Jérôme Pradon	...	Ashton
Xin Xin Xiong	...	Xin Xin (Bodyguard)
Henry Courseaux	...	Bernard Gabrielli
Igor De Savitch	...	Colonel Jacques Telore
Clayton Day	...	William Fence
Jean-Michel Dagory	...	Frenais
Pierre Madengar	...	Etiophian Vendor
Kevin Elders	...	British Reporter / Cartoon Voice

MPAA:

Rated PG-13 for violence and sexuality.

Runtime:

85 min | Argentina:90 min

Country:

Germany | Belgium | USA

Language:

English

Colour:

Colour

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital | SDDS

Certification:

Iceland:12 | Philippines:PG-13 | Argentina:13 | Germany:16 | Mexico:B | Peru:14 | Sweden:15 | UK:12 | USA:PG-13

Filming Locations:

Cagnes-sur-Mer, Alpes-Maritimes, France

Company:

Global Entertainment Productions GmbH & Company Medien KG

Goofs:

Revealing mistakes: In the hotel room as Simon is arming himself and arguing with Nick (Dane Cook), he calls Nick "Dane."

Quotes:

Ashton: Guess what we're going to blow up first!
Simon: Your ego?
Ashton: No, but nice try, sailor! The Eiffel Tower!
Simon: Why?
Ashton: Because it's big and it's beautiful and I'm tired of looking at it!

Movie Connections:

References Jurassic Park (1993)

Soundtrack:

Too Hype (Say What?)

Utter Drivel

Some films are so poor that and unintentionally amusing that they become quite enjoyable (the usual straight to video nonsense starring the likes of james belushi, jean-claude van damme etc.) However, one occasionally comes across a film which is so poor that any enjoyment one might have been able from the poor script, poor acting, poor continuity and the sense of "i can't believe they are taking this seriously" is eroded within the first half hour. Simon Sez breaks records on this note. After 2 minutes, i thought i was about to watch an enjoyable, if predictable, action/comedy with pretty poor acting. after 5 mins, i realised that i had found a film even worse than Carnosaur. After 10 minutes, a reverse triple summersault in the pike position out of my window 12th floor window seemed preferable to siting though the rest of this rubbish. Saving graces: sealed windows, i didn't rent the film but watched it on cable...though i am tempted to unsubscribe after this, and, finally, this "film" got my mind back on doing some out of work reading on the financial markets. a dry topic at the best of times, but compared to Rodman, Sjoberg and that clown of a sidekick in this "film", it was humorous, witty and left me feeling refreshed.

So, for those of you who have read the above and ca see that i am still sitting on the fence regarding this film. i shall be explicit: DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM. IF GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN PAINFUL TOOTH EXTRACTION AND THIS MASTERPIECE, GO TO THE DENTIST. DENTAL PAIN GOES GOES AWAY PRETTY QUICKLY, THIS MAY WARP YOU FOR LIFE!