IMDb > Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999) > Memorable quotes
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Quicklinks
Top Links
trailers and videosfull cast and crewtriviaofficial sitesmemorable quotes
Overview
main detailscombined detailsfull cast and crewcompany creditstv schedule
Awards & Reviews
user commentsexternal reviewsnewsgroup reviewsawardsuser ratingsparents guiderecommendationsmessage board
Plot & Quotes
plot summarysynopsisplot keywordsAmazon.com summarymemorable quotes
Fun Stuff
triviagoofssoundtrack listingcrazy creditsalternate versionsmovie connectionsFAQ
Other Info
merchandising linksbox office/businessrelease datesfilming locationstechnical specslaserdisc detailsDVD detailsliterature listingsNewsDesk
Promotional
taglines trailers and videos posters photo gallery
External Links
showtimesofficial sitesmiscellaneousphotographssound clipsvideo clips
Loretta: A rich family in a small town, it makes the papers when one of them takes a shit!
Gladys Leeman: You'd think they'd build the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America!
Voice of Documentarian: So what was the theme of the pageant last year?
Gladys Leeman: Last year? It was, "Buy American."
Voice of Documentarian: And the year before that?
Gladys Leeman: "U.S.A. is A-okay."
Voice of Documentarian: Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant?
Gladys Leeman: "Can I? I'm Amer-I-Can!" People ask me where I get this. I don't know, it's, maybe a gift from God or somethin'.
Voice of Documentarian: So you've, uh, you've judged a lot of pageants over the years?
John: Nope. No. Uh-uh. Never judged a pageant before in my life. Nope. No way. Never around young girls. Even if I was, why would I wanna be, y'know? I- I- I don't get off on that kinda thing and that's really why you're askin', right?... S- someone say somethin'?
Hank Vilmes: Ow, Harold, Mom said not the head.
Harold Vilmes: Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap.
Hank Vilmes: I will if you shut your piehole.
Harold Vilmes: Don't make me kick ya where the good Lord split ya.
Hank Vilmes: Are we on "Cops" again?
Loretta: Are we on 'Cops' again?
Hank Vilmes: I know who da winner is... I know... I know who da winner is!
John: That's it... you shut your damn mouth ya frickin' retard
[jumps across table onto Hank, tackling him]
Harold Vilmes: [pulls John off Hank and pushes him into chair] Back off, now listen
[pulls John's tie off, it is a clip on, and throws it]
Harold Vilmes: Hanky can't help it if he was born crazier than a shit house rat!
John: Why didn't you leave 'im with a sitter?
[Hank starts to cry]
Harold Vilmes: Nice John... real nice... you know the babysitter's dead!
Loretta: Can one of yous boys give me a ride home?
Annette Atkins: Don't fall for it. She lives two trailers down.
Loretta: So? Be real easy.
Annette Atkins: Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over.
Loretta: Anyone?
Amber Atkins: Yah, my ma's clothes all melted onto mine forming, like, this big polyester meteor in our closet, y'know? But, in some kinda weird miracle, our neighbor boy, Kenny Hanson, found my tap costume on the roof o' their trailer while he was settin' coon traps for his dad. Here's the weird part: it was still on the hanger.
Amber Atkins: I don't eat shellfish. Mom always says, "Don't ever eat nothin' that can carry its house around with it. Who knows the last time it's been cleaned." She should know.
Amber Atkins: This is bullshit!
Iris Clark: That is not American Teen Princess language!
Amber Atkins: Well this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant! This... This... This is Nazi Germany!
Gladys Leeman: He sells reproductions! His furniture's as fake as my orgasms!
Pastor: And so, dear Lord, it is with deep sadness that we turn over to you this young woman, whose dream to ride on a giant swan resulted in her death. Maybe it is your way of telling us... to buy American.
Amber Atkins: My mom never hid the fact that my dad chose his career over us. What was it she always said?
Loretta: Once a carnie, always a carnie.
Amber Atkins: Mom still cries every time she sees a tilt-a-whirl or a fat lady in a tube top.
Annette Atkins: Who's this?
Amber Atkins: Oh, they're here to see my room and film me for their movie.
Annette Atkins: If they ask you to take your top off, get the money first.
[answering "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?"]
Becky Ann Leeman: I'd have good strong roots in a town like Mt. Rose, a solid Christian trunk, and long, leafy branches to provide shade for handicapped kids on a hot summer day.
Candy Striper: Hello Miss Sad Pants, and her friend, Serious Sally! How about a nice cool mint to help turn those frowns upside down?
Loretta: Do you think a nice cool mint would help if I shoved your head up your ass?
[during the pageant interview]
Harold Vilmes: Name and spell all the United States in alphabetical order.
Amber Atkins: Seriously?
Loretta: What is wrong with you?
Amber Atkins: I don't know. I just didn't wanna win like this.
Loretta: You stop right there. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people.
Amber Atkins: Really?
Loretta: No. It's pure bullshit, sweetie. You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it.
Amber Atkins: Okay.
Loretta: Do you guys want some shots? I'm buyin'!
Amber Atkins: Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I'm signing up cause uh my two favorite people in the whole world competed in pageants: my mom and Diane Sawyer... Course, I hope I end up a little more like Diane Sawyer than my mom.
Becky Ann Leeman: My mom gave me this 9 mill for my 13th birthday. Yeah. I'll always remember what she put on the card. "Jesus Loves Winners". That's why I always aim to win.
Loretta: Best damn tapper, most smartest.
Annette Atkins: Most smartest?
Loretta: Most smartest!
Terry Macey: And you are...
Amber Atkins: Mount Rose American Teen Princess.
Terry Macey: Funny, you don't look dead!
Colleen Douglas: [with forced sobriety] People, people - wait, wait a minute, here. Uh, while we haven't ruled out sabotage from neighboring state pageants - Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota...
Terry Macey: Yeah.
Colleen Douglas: Dakota.
Terry Macey: Ohio...
Colleen Douglas: That bitch from...
Terry Macey: What?
Colleen Douglas: Wisconsin.
Terry Macey: All right, then.
Colleen Douglas: The bitch.
Terry Macey: The important thing is that we have a winner...
Voice of Documentarian: So, just tell us your name, and why you're signing up for the pageant.
Leslie Miller: Ok... Hi... I'm Leslie Miller... and I'm signing up 'cause... oh... I always watch the pageants on TV and my boyfriend thinks I'll win
[cuts to Leslie and her boyfriend making out]
Leslie Miller: Hi Pat. GO MUSKIES WOO!
Lisa Swenson: It's like why asking all the guys chew Cophenhagen. If you're 17, and you're not a total fry... it's jus whatcha do.
Gladys Leeman: The communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them!
Iris Clark: That's why we Lutherans use grape Kool-Aid for the blood of Christ.
Amber Atkins: Loretta, never have kids.
Loretta: Oh, honey, God bless ya for thinking I still could.
Gladys Leeman: Hey hey, Miss Penthouse '98, close those legs, I could drive a boat show in there.
Mary Johanson: With one week to go before the pageant, I was finishing my outfit, rehearsing my talent, brushing up on current events, and running 18 miles a day on about 400 calories. I was ready.
Annette Atkins: I am reaching the point where I would kill someone for the nicotine under their fingernails.
Connie Rudrüd: ...In fact, I love St. Paul Pork Products so much, I work here now!
Tammy Curry: This one's for varsity soccer, I'm captain. I run track and, uh, right here, I'm the new president of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club.
Colleen Douglas: Look at that one there. I think that she's had a boob job.
Terry Macey: Oh, come on. She's too young for a boob job.
Colleen Douglas: They do that at birth now, what are you talking about?
Gladys Leeman: I know what some of your big-city, no-bra-wearin', hairy-legged women's libbers might say.
Crew Guy: Fuckin' beauty queens blowing chunks everywhere. I-I've never seen anything like it before, and I live in L.A.
Lisa Swenson: [being interviewed for the documentary] I fell in love with the big apple last summer when I was visiting my brother Peter there. He followed his dream all the way to New York... Wait, this is Peter as Liza. This is him as Madonna...
[she kisses the picture]
Lisa Swenson: This is Barbara.
Gladys Leeman: The swan ate my baby, the swan ate my baby!
Amber Atkins: [after Becky gives Mary a box of chocolates] Good going Becky, she's anorexic.
Becky Ann Leeman: [covers Mary's ears] She's skinny Amber, not deaf.
[Lisa has given Amber her costume for the talent show]
Lisa Swenson's Father: You just gave up on the contest? Peter never would have done that.
Lisa Swenson: You know what dad, you know what? Peter's gay!
Lisa Swenson: [pause then shouting] GAY!
Gladys Leeman: [wearing her old pageant outfit] And look, it still fits!
Loretta: So she had big ass then, she's got a big ass now.
Mount Rose Mayor: Oh, Yeah, Frida, sure. She was the oldest living Lutheran. Now she's dead as a doornail. It's them damn Shriner's, won't take down the God damn sign the lazy sons of bitches. Every year, every damn year I tell them, "Take down the God damn Frida sign, you lazy sons of bitches!"
Iona Hildebrandt: I was crowned Mount Rose American Teen Princess in 1945. We were fighting the Japs. Didn't even get to keep my damn tiara. Had to turn it in for scrap!
Cop #1: The Curry girl? Oh yeah. After some careful investigatin' we determined it was a case of smokin' and drivin'.
Amber Atkins: Well yeah Tammy liked to drive her dad's thresher! She said the heavy vibrations helped clear her mind. But I know Tammy only smoked AFTER a good drive.
Amber Atkins: [shaken after seeing her mom in the hospital] Ummm. I'm quitting the pagent.
Loretta: [grabbing and shaking Amber] You're WHAT?
Amber Atkins: I'm quitting the...
Loretta: I heard you! I was just trying to get you to change your mind. Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while she was flying through the air like a goddamn lawn dart!
Amber Atkins: [Running onto the scene of her and her mom's blown up trailer home] Mom? MOM?
Fireman: Whoa, whoa, whoa... you family?
Loretta: No, she's just yelling, "Mom, mom," because she has Tourettes! She's Annette's kid dipshit.
Amber Atkins: Oh yeah. Guys get out of Mount Rose all the time on hockey scholarships... or prison.
Leslie Miller: Oh yeah... really nervous... it's been about, 2 months. I haven't told my boyfriend yet. How did you know?
[pauses]
Leslie Miller: OH! You mean about the pageant! Yeah!
Jenelle Betz: [at the contestant interviews] The tard's pants are completely off
Harold Vilmes: [everyone looks at Hank who is obviously spanking his monkey] Close up shop! Close up shop!
Fry Girl: This pageant is like a roach motel - girls check in but they don't check out.
Terry Macey: [when the contestants all start throwing up] Somebody call a doctor!
Colleen Douglas: A doctor? Somebody call a priest!
Mr. Howard: [angrily, to his daughter who has come in speaking Japanese] English! Speak Engrish, you stupid rittle retard!
[turns and smiles into the camera]
Becky Ann Leeman: [Becky is on the swan float] It smells funny. It smells like gasoline!
Gladys Leeman: So, what? Everything in Mexico smells that way.
Becky Ann Leeman: My dress will reek, Mother!
Gladys Leeman: I don't care. Your dad paid a pretty penny for this, so get your ass up there and show me some teeth!
[blows a kiss]
Gladys Leeman: Love ya, baby!
Amber Atkins: [crying after her tap costume disappears] It's not fair!
Lisa Swenson: Here, take my costume. I had it approved a month ago.
Amber Atkins: But, Lisa...
Lisa Swenson: Amber, listen, I'm not going to win. We both know that. Beside, we only need one dancer in our family and Peter has better legs.
[hugs Amber]
Annette Atkins: [Annette thinks Amber is pregnant] Honey, honey, come talk to Mommy. I promise, whatever it is, I won't be mad.
Amber Atkins: Okay, I'm quitting the pageant.
Annette Atkins: [grabs Amber by the shirt and begins hitting her with a beer can] What?
[to the documentary crew]
Annette Atkins: Oh, could you excuse us for a moment? Loretta, take the guys outside, please. Now, sit your skinny little ass down!
Leslie Miller: [to Lisa when she gives Amber her Jacket] They're never gonna let you perform naked, I asked!
Rocker Kid #1: Yo, Asswipe! Quit dickin' around with the camera!
Rocker Kid #2: Dude, don't say ASSWIPE! Mom's got the window open!
Rocker Kid #1: Come On we've only 2 frickin' minutes left on this camera,
Rocker Kid #1, Rocker Kid #2: 1! 2! 1,2,3!
[Amber's House Explodes Behind Them]
Leslie Miller: OH MY GOD! I DID IT! 2ND runner up. I GOT 2ND PLACE!
Pat: Third.
Leslie Miller: Wha?
Pat: Third place you got third place.
Leslie Miller: No, I got-
[giggles & looks towards camera]
Leslie Miller: bye!
Lester Leeman: Beautiful as a whore's ass today, huh, boys?
Loretta: [referencing a pageant dress] Your ma did want you to have this, though, since your other one got toasted an all.
Amber Atkins: Oh, my God! It's just like Diane Sawyer's!
Loretta: Yah?
Amber Atkins: Oh! Of course it's not a size 10. Diane was little hippy then.
Loretta: Not our girl.
Amber Atkins: Oh, no.
Colleen Douglas: Stop with the friggin' Marco Polo or I'll come over there and rip your fat little heads off!
Becky Ann Leeman: I chose Mount Rushmore. 'Cause to live in a country where you can take an ugly old mountain and put faces on it, faces of great Americans who did so much to make our country super great. Well, that makes me Rebecca Leeman, proud to be an American.
Amber Atkins: [as Annette is being driven away in an ambulance] Mom! I'll be right behind you in the hearse!
Loretta: Don't let that worry you Annette!
Annette Atkins: I shoved your tap shoes in my panties before I was blown out of the house. You go find the guy who cut ‘em off.
Harold Vilmes: [to Hank] Here's your paint can. And the next time you drink window cleaner, I'm just gonna leave it in you!
Annette Atkins: [getting a shot] Ow! What did they have a sale on dull needles at K-Mart?
Candy Striper: I just need one more do-over.
Female Reporter #2: Amber, how do you feel?
Amber Atkins: Well, I feel like I need to take a shower.
[everyone laughs]
Female Reporter #2: Honey, is this the best day of your life?
Amber Atkins: Yeah... I wish my mom was here, though.
Loretta: You can wave hi, say hi to her!
Amber Atkins: Hi mom!
Loretta: Hey!
[they both wave to the camera]
Annette Atkins: [sitting in her hospital room] Hi, monkey!
Loretta: I got some!
[all the contestants are vomiting]
Loretta: [to her lover] Did they hear us?
Iris Clark: It's a $200 fine.
Gladys Leeman: I told you I'd move the car if a cripple came. Now, just run in the store and pick out some outfits.
Gladys Leeman: Our 2nd runner-up and winner of a $50 scholarship to the Vo-Tech of her choice is Leslie Miller.
Brett Clemmens: [after Becky has tossed her food tray in, splattering Amber who's working in the cafeteria with it's contents - Brett looks apologetic] Uhhh you have some lutefisk in your hair.
Amber Atkins: Lutefisk - well must be Wednesday, then.
Iona Hildebrandt: Lutefisk. It's cod, that's been soaked in lye for about a week.
[stamps book]
Iona Hildebrandt: It's best served with lots of butter.

Related Links

Plot summary Plot keywords Amazon.com summary
Parents Guide User comments Trivia
Goofs Main details IMDb quotes browser
Search quotes section
Browse titles with quotes by letter
   A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other

You may report errors and omissions on this page to the IMDb database managers. They will be examined and if approved will be included in a future update. Clicking the 'Update' button will take you through a step-by-step process.

*