The Minus Man (1999)
Janeane Garofalo: Ferrin
Photos
Quotes
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[Ferrin asks Vann why he doesn't like lakes]
Ferrin : I'm not comfortable swimming in the ocean. I like lakes.
Vann Siegert : I don't really care for lakes.
Ferrin : You don't care for lakes?
Ferrin : [Ferrin giggles] Why, why do you not care for lakes?
Vann Siegert : I don't know, lakes are like stepping into somebody else's underwear.
[Ferrin laughs pushing Vann on the shoulder]
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[Ferrin works beside Vann in the mail room of the post office]
Ferrin : [Vann holds up a grand opening flyer with a clown on the page] You like clowns?
Vann Siegert : Yeah, but I don't eat sausages.
Ferrin : That one is so creepy. I don't really understand how anybody is gonna sell stuff with it.
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[Ferrin and Vann talk on their lunch break at work]
Ferrin : How old are you?
Vann Siegert : That's so funny. I was just gonna ask you the same thing. I'm 34.
Ferrin : Oh, my god. I thought you were, like, 28 or something.
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[Vann asks Ferrin if she ever delivers the mail]
Vann Siegert : Do you ever get to deliver the mail?
Ferrin : Oh, no.
Vann Siegert : But you get to sell stamps.
Ferrin : Well, a carrier can't clerk, and a clerk can't carry. We don't really cross graphs at the post office.
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[Ferrin asks Vann if he wants to go out for a drink with her]
Ferrin : Do you want to get a beer with me after work?
Vann Siegert : [Vann lowers his 7 Up can from taking a drink] I don't drink.
Ferrin : [Ferrin pauses before commenting on the Oregon sweater Vann's wearing] What's 'Oregon' for?
Vann Siegert : I used to live there once just for a while.
Ferrin : Doing what?
Vann Siegert : I sold stereos and worked in a shop.
Ferrin : On account of what don't you drink?
Vann Siegert : I don't know. On account of nothing I guess.
Ferrin : Well, if you want, I'll be at Hobie's after work.
Ferrin : [Ferrin takes a drink from Vann's 7 UP can] You can watch me.
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[Vann meets Ferrin's dog for the first time]
Vann Siegert : [Vann looks down at the dog] It's even smaller than it looks.
Ferrin : The house?
Vann Siegert : The dog. Does he really eat cat food?
Ferrin : Yeah, he loves it. I'll show you.
Vann Siegert : Maybe that's why he's small.
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[Vann asks Ferrin about the cat sitting in the mail room]
Vann Siegert : Do you know who that cat belongs to?
Ferrin : Oh, that's Zip Code. She doesn't belong to anybody. Everybody brings her food though. That's how I feed my dog.
Vann Siegert : Your dog eats cat food?
Ferrin : Uh-huh.
-
[Vann sees the inside of Ferrin's cabin for the first time]
Vann Siegert : This isn't small. This is nice. This cabin. It reminds me a lot of the cabin I used to have. It even sort of smells like it.
Ferrin : It's not mine. I don't own it.
Vann Siegert : Neither did I.
Ferrin : I feel like I do.
Vann Siegert : You ought to. But you leave your doors unlocked.
Ferrin : There's nothing to steal except for the dog.
Vann Siegert : There's you.
Ferrin : What would they do with me?
[Vann doesn't respond to the question]
-
[Ferrin asks Vann how his carrier route is going at the post office]
Ferrin : How's the route going?
Vann Siegert : Fine except for the Jeep.
Ferrin : What's wrong with it?
Vann Siegert : Well, there's a mechanical problem.
Ferrin : What's that?
Vann Siegert : The driver.
Ferrin : [Ferrin laughs aloud] You're funny.
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[Vann and Ferrin go on a drive together]
Ferrin : Are you in a good mood?
Vann Siegert : Yeah, I'm happy. Everybody's a little happy on a Saturday.
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[Vann asks Ferrin about the sailors and fisherman of the old days]
Vann Siegert : You know why in the old days sailors and fisherman never learned how to swim?
Ferrin : No, why?
Vann Siegert : Because if you knew how to swim it'd take so much longer to drown.
Ferrin : Oh. I never heard that.
Vann Siegert : [both look at the ocean] You wanna go in?
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[Ferrin has Vann sign Joe the postman's get-well soon card who's recovering from a Triple Bypass]
Ferrin : That's nice.
Vann Siegert : What'd you write?
Ferrin : 'If you don't hurry back soon, this girl's gonna die of a broken heart. No pun intended. Love, Ferrin.'
-
[Ferrin nervously asks Vann why he hasn't called her]
Ferrin : Are you trying to avoid me?
Vann Siegert : What do you mean?
Ferrin : Well, I was thinking that maybe you would have called me by now.
Vann Siegert : I've been so tired after work everyday. It's no wonder old Joe La Moine had himself a heart attack.
Ferrin : Really?
Ferrin : [Vann nods up and down] What are you doing later?
Vann Siegert : I have to go to the library. But I'll call you.
Ferrin : When?
Vann Siegert : As soon as I get your number.
Ferrin : I never gave you my number?
Vann Siegert : [Vann smiles] You never gave me your number.
Ferrin : [Ferrin blushes with a laugh] Oh. Okay. Well... hand.
[Ferrin writes down her number on the palm of Vann's hand]
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[Ferrin shows Vann a sketch of the Poison Killer in the newspaper]
Ferrin : This is the guy they think poisoned all those people.
Vann Siegert : [Vann stares at the sketch asking] Sorta looks like me, doesn't it?
Ferrin : [Ferrin scoffs] No.
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[Ferrin tells Vann she'd like to cook him dinner]
Ferrin : I'd like to cook dinner for you.
Vann Siegert : You cook?
Ferrin : No.
[as both smile at each other silently]
-
[Vann tells Ferrin about how a spider once crawled in his ear]
Vann Siegert : Once I was laying in the grass and a spider crawled in my ear.
Ferrin : And?
Vann Siegert : What?
Ferrin : You said a spider crawled in your ear. Is it still in there?
Vann Siegert : No, it crawled out again. Nobody home.
[as Vann smiles]
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Vann Siegert : You know why in the old days sailorsa and fishermen never learned how to swim?
Ferrin : No, why?
Vann Siegert : Because if you knew how to swim, it'd take so much longer to drown.