Topsy-Turvy (1999)
Kevin McKidd: Durward Lely
Quotes
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Wilhelm : Rest assured, Mr. Lely, my designs are properly researched and authentic to the last thread.
Durward Lely : No disrespect to you, Mr. Wilhelm, but your authentically tailored costume seems to have left me rather in the buff, somewhat!
Wilhelm : No more in the buff than Japanese peasants have been for the last eight hundred years, sir.
Durward Lely : May I draw your attention, Mr. Wilhelm, to the fact that I am not actually a Japanese peasant?
Gilbert : No, you are a Scotch actor who is taking the part of a Japanese prince who is posing as an itinerant minstrel.
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Wilhelm : Mr. Grossmith, kindly oblige me by removing your hat.
George Grossmith : Why, sir? Are you ready for me?
Wilhelm : Would that I were, sir. And, I'll thank you not to refer to my designs as "vulgar", Mr. Lely.
Durward Lely : Mr. Wilhelm, to my eyes, your designs are not only vulgar, but obscene!
Wilhelm : How DARE you, sir?
Gilbert : Strong words, Lely - what the deuce do you mean?
Durward Lely : Mr. Gilbert, I am a respectably married man and I love my wife dearly. Now, one of the few pleasures that she has enjoyed since the untimely demise of my beloved mother-in-law is to watch me perform upon the stage. But, I am not prepared to allow her to suffer the embarrassment of seeing me flaunted before the public like a half-dressed, performing dog!
Gilbert : You have my sympathies, Lely. Unfortunately, your avocation as an actor compels you, on occasion, to endure the most ignominious indignities, to which Grossmith will doubtless testify.
George Grossmith : Without question, sir.
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Wilhelm : Will you remove your corset.
Durward Lely : I beg your pardon?
Wilhelm : Kindly remove your corset, Mr. Lely, it will spoil the hang of the cloth.
Durward Lely : Mr. Gilbert, I never perform without my corset!
Gilbert : What, never?
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Richard Temple : [on wearing a sweaty costume during summer performances] I fear that dear Mr. Gilbert has run out of ideas.
Durward Lely : No!
Richard Temple : He doesn't know what to do with me. Ponder this: he thrusts me into a gamut of tight-fitting pots, pans, and pails, and poaches me like a fucking haddock! Forgive my Anglo-Saxon, Mr. Butt.
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George Grossmith : I have a meeting with Carte this afternoon.
George Grossmith : At what hour?
Rutland Barrington : Five o'clock.
George Grossmith : Curious. I am to meet with him at half-past four.
Durward Lely : Strange, I DON'T have a meeting with him at four o'clock.
Rutland Barrington : It is my firm intention to prise open his purse.
George Grossmith : It will take a far stronger man than you, Mr. Barrington, to fulfill that herculean labour.
Rutland Barrington : [chuckles] And what's your mission, Captain Grossmith?
George Grossmith : Oh, there are certain little matters.
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Durward Lely : Dickie, have you heard the real news of the day?
Richard Temple : Yes, the Fenian bomb. Oh, dreadful.
Durward Lely : No - Grossmith and Barrington.
Richard Temple : [shocked] What?
Durward Lely : They're off tonight.
Richard Temple : No!
Durward Lely : Yes.
Richard Temple : Both of them?
Durward Lely : Yes.
Richard Temple : Why?
Durward Lely : Oysters...
Richard Temple : [gasps]
Durward Lely : - We shared luncheon together.
Richard Temple : Did you swallow?
Durward Lely : No, I chose the sole!
Richard Temple : Off the bone?
Durward Lely : Yes, it was rather succulent.
Richard Temple : Wise man. Oysters can kill, you know.
Durward Lely : Oh, unquestionably!
Richard Temple : I had an aunt, choked on a scallop at Herne Bay.
Durward Lely : Really?
Richard Temple : Tragic.
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Richard Temple : Shocking news from Khartoum. Something will have to be done tout-de-suite. Mrs. Temple hit the nail on the head as usual.
Durward Lely : Oh, really? What did she say?
Richard Temple : "The nation loses a hero, but the family loses a loved one."
Durward Lely : Oh, how apt.