- Marty Mackenzie: Three things I learned being a private eye: never trust a girl, always get it on tape, and bring backup.
- Jack Potter: [narrating] A couple of peckers with a box of dildos. Marty's hunch had crapped out worse than a tourist in Tijuana. But there was one more sex-toy waiting for Marty; A cold cock.
- [Marty is punched in the jaw]
- Bearded Guy: [referring to music on radio] I'm a songwriter. I wrote this, and I recorded it with a buddy down in Bakersfield. He used to have a studio, but he's dead now. Yeah... Somebody killed him for being selfish. Look, this song's called "Last Train to Trussburg." Do you think you could help me get it published? I mean... , look, you could sing it. Hell, you could even record it! Hey, I got words! Listen.
- [singing]
- Bearded Guy: Two-lane redwood highway, bumping along... Two-lane redwood highway, it's a song... Two-lane redwood highway, two-lane redwood highway...
- [abruptly stops singing]
- Bearded Guy: Oh, I think I might add a couple yippee-ai-yays to give it a cowboy feel. What do you say?
- Jack Potter: I don't sing other people's songs, you know? I'm a loner. You know what I mean.
- [he turns to walk away]
- Jack Potter: Is there a place around here a guy can take a pee?
- Bearded Guy: [angrily grabbing Jack and putting a knife to his throat] You think you're one bigshot singer, don't you? You think you're better than I am. Well, look out that window. What do you see? That's a two-lane redwood highway. I wrote that, huh? Two-lane redwood highway. You're selfish. That's what you are.
- Jack Potter: We're headed out to a town full of devil-worshipers on a tip from a dame who sees two-headed mules.
- Marty Mackenzie: Jack, in the detective business you cannot leave any stone unturned.
- Marty Mackenzie: So, what do you know about Danny Harkness?
- Skinny Woman: I know everything there is to know about Danny Harkness. He's my relative in three different ways. He was first cousin, my ex brother in law, and my nephew ones removed.
- Jack Potter: Who was it?
- Skinny Woman: We're talking about... Washington.
- Marty Mackenzie: My God, what, the governments involved?
- Skinny Woman: No, George Washintgon. That's right! The kid who couldn't tell a lie. Shocked? So was I. He's livin' right up in that old mine up on the hill. Him and Elvis and M.L. King and JFK and John Lennon and Harry Truman. They got a cult going on up there. The Blue Oyster Cult.