Camouflage (2001)

Leslie Nielsen: Jack Potter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Potter : Marty knew dick about being a dick.

• Jack Potter : When in Rome, do like the Romans. But Marty wasn't in Rome... Rome's in Italy.

• Jack Potter : [narrating]  A couple of peckers with a box of dildos. Marty's hunch had crapped out worse than a tourist in Tijuana. But there was one more sex-toy waiting for Marty; A cold cock.

  [Marty is punched in the jaw] 

• Bearded Guy : [referring to music on radio]  I'm a songwriter. I wrote this, and I recorded it with a buddy down in Bakersfield. He used to have a studio, but he's dead now. Yeah... Somebody killed him for being selfish. Look, this song's called "Last Train to Trussburg." Do you think you could help me get it published? I mean... , look, you could sing it. Hell, you could even record it! Hey, I got words! Listen.

  [singing] 

  Bearded Guy : Two-lane redwood highway, bumping along... Two-lane redwood highway, it's a song... Two-lane redwood highway, two-lane redwood highway...

  [abruptly stops singing] 

  Bearded Guy : Oh, I think I might add a couple yippee-ai-yays to give it a cowboy feel. What do you say?

  Jack Potter : I don't sing other people's songs, you know? I'm a loner. You know what I mean.

  [he turns to walk away] 

  Jack Potter : Is there a place around here a guy can take a pee?

  Bearded Guy : [angrily grabbing Jack and putting a knife to his throat]  You think you're one bigshot singer, don't you? You think you're better than I am. Well, look out that window. What do you see? That's a two-lane redwood highway. I wrote that, huh? Two-lane redwood highway. You're selfish. That's what you are.

• Jack Potter : We're headed out to a town full of devil-worshipers on a tip from a dame who sees two-headed mules.

  Marty Mackenzie : Jack, in the detective business you cannot leave any stone unturned.

• Jack Potter : Who was it?

  Skinny Woman : We're talking about... Washington.

  Marty Mackenzie : My God, what, the governments involved?

  Skinny Woman : No, George Washintgon. That's right! The kid who couldn't tell a lie. Shocked? So was I. He's livin' right up in that old mine up on the hill. Him and Elvis and M.L. King and JFK and John Lennon and Harry Truman. They got a cult going on up there. The Blue Oyster Cult.