Still Crazy (1998)

Billy Connolly: Hughie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hughie : [last lines, voice over]  I was wrong about God. Turns out he likes that 70's stuff after all. So it didn't piss down, and they played 4 encores! And with the Almighty in their corner, who knows what might happen? And how will the Fruits conspire to bollocks things up this time around? We wait with bated breath.

• Beano : You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... "

  Hughie : "Pull your foreskin over your heed."

• Beano : Are you still a road dog, Hughie?

  Hughie : Nah. The last tour I did was ten years ago. It was Aerosmith, but they've gone and cleaned up their act. It's all wheatgrass juice and fuckin' pumpkin seeds. I hope you guys are still crazy, or I'm outta here.

• Hughie : [Holding a joint]  Would you like a hit?

  Karen Knowles : I haven't done that in years

  [the Band screws up] 

  Hughie : Now would be a very good time to start.

• Hughie : [v.o]  If it's true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then drummers are from Pluto.

• Beano : [Playing a game to name bands with parts of the body as part of their name]  Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show!

  Clare : Objection, your honor!

  Hughie : Objection sustained.

  Beano : Well, some people 'ave hooks instead of hands.

  Les : Yeah, but it's not part of the body; it's not... anotomical.

  Beano : It is if you haven't got a fuckin' hand!

• Hughie : History teaches us that men behave wisely once they've exhausted all other alternatives. For most rock bands, the pursuit of wisdom's a low priority compared to fame, fortune and fornication. Such a band was Strange Fruit.

• Young Beano : You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... "

  Hughie : "Pull your foreskin over your heed."

• Hughie : It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Two'! I'm gonna get some of those Organ Donor cards!

• Hughie : [answering phone in the middle of the night]  Hello?

  Beano : [through phone, still playing bandname/body part game]  "Cockney Rebel"? Cock? Knee? That's two points that is!

• Hughie : [voiceover]  Karen still had ink on her fingers from school when she went to work for the Fruits. Started by sorting their laundry; by Wisbech she was sorting their lives.

• Hughie : Feast your eyes on this magnificent land yacht: tinted windows, air conditioned, twin porto-loos - not to mention an extensive library of pornography courtesy of the Psychedelic Furs world tour of 19 and 88. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen!

  Tony Costello : Hey, Hughie, pongs in here a bit. Think one of the Furs is still in here.

  Hughie : That's pedigree, Tony

  [inhaling deeply] 

  Hughie : . Smell that Dettol, fag ends, vomit!

• Hughie : Hope this isn't another Sunderland!

  [speaking of Ray's mood swings] 

  Luke Shand : What happened at Sunderland?

  Beano : He tried to slash his wrists with my Swiss Army knife.

  Les : Yeah, he'd never find the blade.