Three to Tango (1999)

Matthew Perry: Oscar Novak

Photos 

Quotes 

• [on being told he's been selected as Gay Man of the Year] 

  Oscar Novak : I haven't done anything or anyone to deserve this.

• [When Peter clicks his pen, it's supposed to signal to Oscar that he's rambling] 

  Oscar Novak : Hey, you have a Buddha! Oh, I love Buddhas.

  [Peter clicks his pen] 

  Oscar Novak : They're like bright, cheery, naked Asian Santas.

  [Sound of clicking pen] 

  Oscar Novak : You know, I had a buddy in college whose name was Bob and we used to call him "Buddha Bob" because he was kind of fat and he liked to walk around naked.

  [More pen clicking] 

  Oscar Novak : We used to rub his belly for luck.

  [Frantic pen clicking. Oscar gets the hint] 

  Oscar Novak : Anyway... I love Buddha.

  [awkward pause] 

  Oscar Novak : He rocks.

• [Standing outside the cafe, Oscar is looking very ill] 

  Amy : Oh, are you OK?

  Oscar Novak : Mouth... watering.

  Amy : God, I knew that Tuna Melt tasted funny. I'm lucky, I can eat just about anything. Know why? Cause my mother was a horrible cook. She used to make this thing that smelled like a wet dog and old tennis shoes and...

  [Oscar retches] 

  Amy : Oh, sorry.

  Oscar Novak : Would you excuse me for a second?

  Oscar Novak : [Oscar kneels over and is violently sick]  Boy, that felt good!

  Amy : Don't worry, you'll be all right in a minute.

  [Amy pauses, then keels over and is sick as well] 

  Oscar Novak : It just doesn't get better than this!

• Oscar Novak : ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.

• Oscar Novak : [on the phone to his shocked but supportive mother]  I'm not gay. I just have to pretend to be gay for work.

• Amy : So I take it you have kissed a woman before?

  Oscar Novak : Not the right one.

• [after Amy accidentally hits Oscar] 

  Amy : Did you hurt yourself?

  Oscar Novak : No, no... YOU hurt me!

• Oscar Novak : I'm never going to have sex again!

  Peter Steinberg : Oh, of course you will. Just maybe not with a woman.

• Peter Steinberg : You do know there are other fish in the sea?

  Oscar Novak : But what if you found *the* fish?

• Oscar Novak : You know what the most spoken line in movies is?

  Amy : What?

  Oscar Novak : "Let's get out of here."

  Amy : Huh. It makes sense. It works for a lot of situations. "They're shooting at us. Let's get out of here." "Aliens have landed. Let's get out of here." I want to make mad passionate love to you. Let's get out of here."

  Oscar Novak : Those are good, especially the last one.

• [viewing a photograph of the Bosnian flag painted on someone's nude bottom] 

  Oscar Novak : I had no idea things were so hairy in Bosnia.

• [Peter is standing with a tub of hair gel and a weird hairdo] 

  Oscar Novak : What the hell happened to your head?

  Peter Steinberg : I've been here for nine hours. I got bored.

  Oscar Novak : You're a very strange man. Now, will you get out of my apartment?

  Peter Steinberg : What happened? Oscy... Oscy... it's six in the morning.

  Oscar Novak : It was awful, OK? As soon as we left the gallery, our cab caught on fire. THEN, she elbowed me in the face. THEN, we both threw up. THEN, she slammed a car handle into my balls, OK? The entire night was a total disaster.

  Peter Steinberg : You're in love with her.

  Oscar Novak : Pretty much.

• [upon meeting her boyfriend's wife] 

  Amy : I handled that well, didn't I? I'm still in one piece.

  Oscar Novak : Yes, very well.

  [Amy starts to walk away] 

  Oscar Novak : Where are you going?

  Amy : To get really, *really* drunk.

• Oscar Novak : What's good?

  Diner Waiter : Tuna melt.

  Oscar Novak : Ohhh... what else?

  Diner Waiter : Tuna melt.

  Amy : What do you think?

  Oscar Novak : Yeah, two tuna melts.

• Oscar Novak : Mum's the word. The word is mum.

• Amy : How are your balls?

  Oscar Novak : They're fine. Thanks for asking.

• Charles Newman : God, I swear Oscar, if you weren't gay, I'd have to kill you.

  Oscar Novak : Gay? I'm not gay. I didn't... gay.

• Oscar Novak : I'm Batman.