Dewey:
Is that a threat, Detective?
Mark:
When it's a threat... you'll know it.
Dewey:
Was that a threat?
Gale:
Deja voodoo.
Gale:
I'm sorry that things didn't work out with Brad Pitt, but being single, that's a pretty good fallback.
Jennifer:
It gives me more time for my work. After all, Gale Weathers, you're such a complex character.
Gale:
And to be played by an actress with such depth and range.
Jennifer:
Gale Weathers!
Gale:
[
says quietly] Shit.
Jennifer:
I know we've never met... and I know you never returned my phone call, but after getting into this project, I feel like I'm in your mind.
Gale:
Hmm, that would explain my constant headaches.
Jennifer:
You know, I'm sorry things didn't work for 60 minutes II, but Total Entertainment, that's a pretty good fallback.
Gale:
Thank you. I'm sorry things didn't work out with Brad Pitt, but being single, that's a good fallback.
Jennifer:
Gives me more time for my work. After all, Gale Weathers, you're such a complex character.
Gale:
And to be played by an actress with such depth and range...
Sarah Darling:
Has there been another goddamn re-write? How the fuck are we supposed to learn our lines when there's a new script every 15 minutes?
Phone Voice:
as Roman: It's not just a new script, it's a new movie.
Sarah Darling:
What movie?
Phone Voice:
My movie. And it's called: "Sarah gets skewered like a fucking pig!"
[
pause]
Phone Voice:
Still in character... Sarah?
Sidney:
Hello?
Phone Voice:
Hello?
Sidney:
Um, Who's calling?
Phone Voice:
Um, Who's calling?
Sidney:
Look Dewey, Gail, whoever, I'll have to call you back because I only hear myself.
Phone Voice:
I only hear you too, Sid.
Dewey:
Surprise. Surprise. Someone dies and Gale comes running.
[
Jennifer is studying Gale in order to play her character]
Jennifer:
The ruthless ambition, your private self-loathing, and that lost and lonely little girl inside.
Gale:
Lost and lonely what?
Jennifer:
You heard me.
Gale:
Lost and lonely what?
Tom:
Hey. It's the real Gale Weathers.
Gale:
Real from top to bottom.
Jay:
Holy shit, Silent Bob, it's that TV newschick Connie fucking Chung. Hey Connie, how's Maury?
[
Gale gives them the finger]
Jay:
Dude, I think she likes me. Did you see how she was looking at me?
Gale:
I did write the definitive book on the Woodsboro Murders.
Dewey:
And I'm sure you just can't wait to write another one.
Jennifer:
Where, Nancy Drew wants to know where.
Detective Wallace:
Hey, hey, Terminal Entertainment? This is a crime scene, all right?
Roman:
Someone is trying to ruin my movie. Someone wants to kill my movie.
Detective Wallace:
We'll talk about your movie down at the station. All right, this is the scene where you come with us.
Dewey:
The killer called her.
Mark:
When?
Gale:
What'd he say?
Sidney:
Oh you know the usual small talk. "What's new?" "How you been?" "How do you wanna die?"
Sidney:
What do you know about trilogies?
Mark:
All I know is that in the third one, all bets are off.
Sidney:
Hey Detective, what's your favorite scary movie?
Mark:
My life.
Sidney:
Mine too.
Sidney:
Psychos can't kill what they can't find.
Mark:
I know what it's like to see ghosts that don't go away, to be watching a scary movie in your head... watching it alone.
Sidney:
Ghosts are tough. You can't shoot ghosts.
Mark:
Can't *arrest* ghosts, but the best way to fight them is to be around people. You're not hiding. You've done the right thing, Ms. Prescott.
Gale Weathers:
Hey, are you...?
Bianca Burnette:
No.
Jennifer Jolie:
But you look just...
Bianca Burnette:
...like her? I've been hearing it all my life.
Jennifer Jolie:
It's uncanny.
Bianca Burnette:
I was up for Princess Leia. I was this close. So, who gets it? The one who sleeps with George Lucas.
Gale Weathers:
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject for you.
Bianca Burnette:
Sure, you didn't. None of them did. So, how can I help you? Or do you want me to tell you who you look like?
Milton:
Did Cotton's death have anything to do with this movie?
Detective Wallace:
He was making a movie called Stab... he was stabbed.
Randy:
It could be fuckin' "Reservoir Dogs" by the time this thing is through.
Jennifer:
The way I see it, I've got no house, no bodyguard, no movie, and I'm being stalked. Because someone wants to kill me? No, because someone wants to kill you. So now, starting now, I go where you go. That way, if someone wants to kill me, I'll be with you, and since he really wants to kill you, he won't kill me, he'll kill you. Make sense?
Gale Weathers:
NONE
Jennifer:
Jese!
Gale:
What the hell are you doing?
Jennifer:
Being Gale Weathers! What are you doing?
Gale:
I *am* Gale Weathers!
Jennifer:
Here's how I see it. I've got no house, no bodyguard, no movie and I'm being stalked. Because someone wants to kill me? No, because someone wants to kill you. So, now, starting now, I go where you go. So that if someone wants to kill me, I'll be with you and since they really wanna kill you, they won't kill me, they'll kill you, make sense?
Gale:
[
shouts] None!
Jennifer:
You know in the movies, I play you as being much smarter!
Gale:
And as a sane person, for you that must be quite a stretch!
Jennifer:
That's funny.
Gale:
Ha!
Jennifer:
Need to get in that building?
Gale:
Yeah!
Jennifer:
Is there a story in that building?
Cotton Weary:
So, you a big 100% Cotton fan?
Sidney:
God why don't stop your whining and get on with it. I've heard all this shit before.
Roman:
Stop.
Sidney:
Do you know why you kill people Roman? Do you?
Roman:
I don't want to hear it.
Sidney:
Because you choose to. There is no one else to blame.
Roman:
Damnit fucking damnit
Sidney:
Why don't you take some fucking responsibility?
Roman:
Fuck you.
Sidney:
Fuck you.
Jennifer:
You know, in the movies, I play you as being much smarter.
Gale:
And as a sane person. For you that must be quite a stretch.
Roman:
Not only did they-did they kill the film, but they killed my cast. You know, nobody's gonna wanna work with me. Variety called me a "pariah." I don't even know what a pariah is. Why-why couldn't somebody have killed the cast from Stab 1, huh? Or Stab 2? Why me? What, John, what did we do wrong?
Milton:
Hollywood is full of criminals whose careers are flourishing.
Roman:
I'm not a criminal. I was questioned. Yeah, but that's all. I was questioned. That's it.
Milton:
It's good for your mystique.
Roman:
You think it'll help me get work?
Jennifer:
Happy birthday, Roman.
Roman:
Yeah, as if life isn't tragic enough.
Phone Voice:
Oh, it's rough being friends with you, Sid.
[
mocking]
Phone Voice:
When you're friends with Sid, you die.
Phone Voice:
It was a simple game, Cotton, you should've told me where Sidney was... now you lose.
[
interrupting a moment between Dewey and Gale]
Jennifer Jolie:
[
shouting] What the fuck happened to you?
Dwight 'Dewey' Riley:
Jennifer, wait a minute.
Jennifer Jolie:
Who gave you a place to stay? Who are you supposed to be protecting?
Dwight 'Dewey' Riley:
Jennifer.
[
Jennifer slugs Dewey]
Gale Weathers:
Hey!
[
Gale slugs Jennifer]
Jennifer Jolie:
My. Lawyer. Liked. That.
Gale Weathers:
Not as much as I did.
Bianca Burnette:
[
Referring to the search being made on Sydney's mother's past] If they're looking for Maureen Roberts, they're never gonna find her. Rina Reynolds they will.
Jennifer Jolie:
Rina Reynolds... stage name.
Bianca Burnette:
You should talk, Judy Jurgenstern.
[
Gale giggles as Jennifer glances in embarrasment]
Jennifer:
[
to John] Come on. You have made millions off the story of her murder. You're obsessed with her and you're obsessed with her daughter.
Angelina Tyler:
Maybe it's not meant to be...
Tom:
Not meant to be? You in that town search for the new Sidney. 50,000 girls and they pick you! You gotta be praying this movie keeps going!
Angelina Tyler:
Of course I am but not at the expense of people's lives.
Tom:
Oh, cue the violins!
Milton:
You don't have to do this, Roman! Just tell me what you want, I can make it happen! Any picture, name your budget, script approval, final cut!
Roman:
I already have it.
Mark:
I'm gonna talk to the studio guys about those photos.
Detective Wallace:
Yeah right, I know where you're going.
Mark:
Yeah keep an eye on Sidney.
Detective Wallace:
I know where you're going, you're gonna get her some flowers and candy, right? Huh?
Mark:
Gimme a break!
Phone Voice:
[
spoilers] You're not going anywhere Sidney, it's time you came to terms with me, and with mother. Maybe you never knew her at all Sidney... maybe you just can't get past the surface of things.
Sidney:
Who the hell are you?
Phone Voice:
The other half of you. I searched for a mother too, an actress named "Reena Reynolds" tried to find her my whole LIFE, and four years ago I actually tracked her down. Knocked at her door thinking she'd welcome me with open arm's, but she had a new life and a new name, Maureen Prescott! You were the only child she claimed Sidney, she shut me out into the cold forever! Her own son.
[
takes off mask to reveal he is Roman Bridger]
Roman:
Roman Bridger, director, and brother. She slammed the door in my face Sid she said I was "Reena's" child and Reena was dead... and then it struck me. What a good idea, so I watched her. I made a little movie, a little family film, seems Maureen... ”Mom" she really got around, I mean Cotton was one thing, everybody knew about that. But Billy's father, that was the key. Your boyfriend didn't like seeing his daddy in my film too much, he didn't like it at all. And once I suppied the motivation... all the kid needed was a few pointers. Have a partner to sell out incase you got caught, find someone to frame, it was like he was making a movie.
Sidney:
You... this is all because of you.
Roman:
I'm a director Sid, I direct.
Sidney:
Ah.
Roman:
I had no idea, that they were gonna make a film of their own. I mean intoducing Sidney the victim, Sidney the survivor, SIDNEY THE STAR!
Jennifer:
Is he dead?
[
as Gale looks at Jay's bloody body]
Gale:
Really!
Sidney:
I don't know who my mother was.
Mark:
But you know who she was to you.
Angelina Tyler:
I did not fuck that pig Milton just to die here with second rate celebrities like you two!
Randy:
Told ya I'd make a movie someday, huh?
Sidney:
Oh my god.
Randy:
Well, if you're watching this tape, it means as I feared. I did not survive these killings here at Windsor College. And that giving up my virginity to Karen Kolchec at the video store was probably not a good idea.
Dewey:
Karen Kolchec?
Randy:
Yes, Karen Kolchec.
Dewey:
Creepy Karen?
Randy:
Shut up. She's a sweet person, okay? We were working late. We were putting away some videos in the porno section and ya know, shit happens.
paul:
[
Knocking in background] Open the door Randy.
Randy:
15 minutes.
paul:
It's my room too.
Randy:
Paul, 15 minutes. I'm leaving my legacy.
[
knocking continues]
Randy:
15 minutes Paul. Damn! Anyway, the reason I am here is to help you so that my death will not be in vain; That my life's work will save some other poor soul from getting mutilated. If this killer does come back and he's for real, there are a few things that you gotta remember. Is this simply another sequel? Well if it is, same rules apply. But-here's the critical thing-if you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back story and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules DO NOT apply. Because you are not dealing with a sequel, you are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy.
Dewey:
Trilogy?
Randy:
That's right, it's a rarity in the horror field but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules: 1. You got a killer who's going to be super human. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically in the third one you gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. 2. Anyone including the main character can die. This means you Syd. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fucking 'Reservoir Dogs' by the time this thing is through. Number 3. The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest. Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. So in closing, let me say good luck, god speed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't, not if you're watching this tape.
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