- George Wilson: Never trust a guy that's always smiling. And the man lived in his car!
- Martha Wilson: That's a 50 foot motorhome, George.
- George Wilson: Well he doesn't act his age.
- Martha Wilson: Neither do you, George, you act so much older.
- Martha Wilson: George, I thought you hated tea.
- [Stays still for a while]
- Martha Wilson: What is that terrible smell? A dead rat. George, what in the world?
- George Wilson: It's gardening food. No, no, it's for planting. It's planting food, it's for gardening. Planting food and gardening.
- Martha Wilson: George, are you all right? I mean lately you've been acting strange and even more more strange than usual.
- George Wilson: Nonsense, nonsense!
- [Sips the tea which then has a brown spot on his lip while Martha gets grossed out]
- George Wilson: Everything is fine.
- George Wilson: Martha! I got new spots, and I think there's something wrong with my tongue, see?
- [shows her his tongue]
- George Wilson: And I got this kink in my back that everytime I do this
- [lifts his arm]
- George Wilson: everytime I do that it hurts me.
- Martha Wilson: Then don't do that, George those are the same kinks and the same spots you've had for years.
- Grandpa: I'm going to be spending lots of time with Dennis, every minute.
- Dennis Mitchell: That'll be so much fun. We can go fishing and eat hot dogs in the morning, and stay up really late.
- Dennis Mitchell, Gina, Joey, Gunther: I pledge allegience, to the flag of the no girls allowed club, and to the coolest club in the universe, one club, invisible, with liberty and justice for guys.
- Dennis Mitchell: And the heck--
- Gina: With girls!
- Alice Mitchell: Henry! Henry Mitchell! Henry, all these supplies from the Fireman's Carnival, could you *please* put them where Dennis can't get into them?
- Henry Mitchell: You mean where Dennis and your father can't get into them.
- [chuckles; Alice glares at him]
- Henry Mitchell: [nervously] You wanna... hand 'em up to me, honey?
- [reaches down for the supplies]
- Mr. Johnson: Alice!
- Alice Mitchell: We're in here, Dad!
- [Johnson moans and stumbles into the garage]
- Alice Mitchell: Dad.
- [Johnson is dirty with twigs in his hair; he sits down]
- Mr. Johnson: We went for... a walk in the woods.
- Alice Mitchell: If you're gonna try to keep up with Dennis, you're gonna *kill* yourself.
- Mr. Johnson: I forgot that being around Dennis was such hard work. No *wonder* George is so grouchy all the time.
- Alice Mitchell: That's it. I'm cancelling that camp out that Dennis had planned for the two of you in the backyard tonight.
- Mr. Johnson: You can't do that. He's got his heart set on it. I just saw him packing a *suitcase* upstairs! Besides, I *promised*, Alice. And I won't break a promise.
- [picks a twig from his hair]
- Mr. Johnson: Oh, boy.
- George Wilson: Bathtub! Frogs! Bugs! Snakes! Wagon going down the stairs! Cake in the face! Surprise! Happy birthday!
- Sylvester: We're the government. We're here to help you.
- George Wilson: How much is this "help" gonna cost me?
- Sylvester: 200 bucks, upfront.
- George Wilson: [groans] I'll go get my checkbook.