Andy Kaufman:
You don't know the real me.
Lynne Margulies:
There isn't a real you.
Andy Kaufman:
Oh yeah, I forgot.
George Shapiro:
You're insane, but you might also be brilliant.
Andy Kaufman:
Since you've all been such good boys and girls, I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out for milk and cookies. There are buses outside. Everybody follow me.
Andy Kaufman:
I am from Caspiar, an Island in the Caspian Sea. It sunk.
Tony Clifton:
So... ya wanna see Andy? Anybody gotta flashlight and a couple of shovels?
Jerry "The King" Lawler:
Kaufman, did you come here to wrestle or act like an ass?
[
At a meeting with the NBC executives]
George Shapiro:
Andy Kauffman is Tony Clifton. And Tony Clifton is Andy Kauffman. They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true!
Lynne Margulies:
So, you just pretend to be an asshole.
Andy Kaufman:
It's what I'm good at.
George Shapiro:
Your material doesn't exactly transfer to film.
Andy Kaufman:
I am sick of this shit, Lawler. I am gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you, I swear to God. Fuck you! Okay? Okay, Lawler? Fuck you! I'm sorry, Dave. I know I'm not supposed to use those words on television. I can't say those words. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But, you, you are a motherfucking, fucking asshole! Okay?
Tony Clifton:
Can I use the bathroom? I may have shit my pants.
Security Guard:
Not on the lot.
Tony Clifton:
Drink of water?
Security Guard:
[
shakes head]
Tony Clifton:
Aspirin?
Security Guard:
[
shakes head]
Tony Clifton:
Moist Towelette?
Security Guard:
[
shakes head]
Tony Clifton:
Well, in that case, a good day.
George Shapiro:
Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
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