Jungle 2 Jungle (1997)

Tim Allen: Michael Cromwell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Cromwell : [showing Mimi how to use the toilet]  Before you pee, you lift the seat; after you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.

• Mimi-Siku : [after being out on the windows with Michael]  Baboon scared?

  Michael Cromwell : Yes, Baboon scared. Baboon not know he could *be* so scared. Baboon's pants a little damp.

• [Richard, Michael and Mimi exit Jovanovic's office] 

  Michael Cromwell : Richard, are you out of your mind? Now we're laundering money for the Russian mafia?

  Richard Kempster : Yes, we are, and we'll iron it for them too.

• [Michael and Richard are aguing about being a parent, while Richard tries to get Karen out of her room] 

  Richard Kempster : Oh, what? Are you suddenly Dr Spock here? You've been a father for three days. And you're giving me lessons? Well, that's good.

  Michael Cromwell : You sound like an idiot.

  Richard Kempster : I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot! I have spent every day for the last 12 years worrying about my kids. About their safety, about their happiness, about their crooked teeth.

• Dr. Patricia Cromwell : His name is Mimi-Siku.

  Michael Cromwell : His name is what?

  Dr. Patricia Cromwell : Mimi-Siku.

  Michael Cromwell : Mimi-Siku.

  Dr. Patricia Cromwell : Roughly translated it means 'cat piss'.

  Michael Cromwell : He picked the name 'cat piss'?

  Dr. Patricia Cromwell : He was six years-old at the time! It's a territorial thing.

• Michael Cromwell : I should probably take some pictures of Mimi.

  Richard Kempster : I can never have enough pictures of my kids. I have like, four hundred albums. I never look at them, but they exist... it's good, you know?

• Michael Cromwell : [sees Lipo Lipo for the first time] 

  Michael Cromwell : Oh my God. She left me for Gilligan's Island.

• Michael Cromwell : Do you mean to tell me that you are walking around New York City with A MILLION DOLLARS IN A SUITCASE?

• Mimi-Siku : [pointing to toucan in flight]  A hoko!

  Michael Cromwell : Hoko. Hoko, bird. Bird that can't sing: Hoko Ono.

• [after Michael and Mimi depart from a taxi cab] 

  Michael Cromwell : We're meeting this guy at a fish stall?

  Richard Kempster : No, no. He is ABOVE a fish stall.

  Michael Cromwell : Much better!

• Mimi-Siku : [after Mimi-Siku suggests they eat Coco the cat]  Cat's job feed people.

  Michael Cromwell : No, not here. Here, cat's job is to sleep, lick crotch.

• Mimi-Siku : In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.

  Michael Cromwell : In New York, New York, we eat with forks.

• Michael Cromwell : [offered bat bladder in Lipo Lipo]  Bat bladder? Holy kaopectate; I don't think so.

• Michael Cromwell : What do you call this place again? The Surface of the Sun!

• Michael Cromwell : [throws piraña]  Cut. Infection. DEAD!

• Mimi-Siku : If you scream, Matika attack. If you calm, Matika nice. But Kukuve always mean.

  Michael Cromwell : Who's Kukuve?

  [Mimi-Siku points to the local alligator in the water; Michael runs out of the water in a panic] 

  Michael Cromwell : This place is a nightmare!

• [after the blow dart hits the Coco the cat by accident as it falls from the table] 

  Michael Cromwell : [low voice]  Oh, no...