For Richer or Poorer (1997)

Kirstie Alley: Caroline Sexton

Photos 

Quotes 

• Caroline Sexton : [Somebody cuts Caroline's credit cards, she immediately blames it on Brad] 

  Caroline Sexton : That BASTARD.

  [Brad's account is frozen, he thinks Caroline is the guilty party] 

  Brad Sexton : That BITCH.

• Mary : You're so lucky to not have a pre-nup.

  Caroline Sexton : We didn't have anything. There was nothing to nup.

• Caroline Sexton : Coffee? This is a coffee-drinking ordnun? Ohh, praise the Lord, sister.

• Caroline Sexton : [after he has just suggested splitting 50-50 of their estate, i.e. debt]  50-50. Not on your LIFE!

  Brad Sexton : Then it'll get UGLY.

  Caroline Sexton : Good! I can do ugly!

  [turns and walks away] 

  Caroline Sexton : I've done YOU for the last 10 years!

  Brad Sexton : ...If memories serve, you stopped doing me after six and a half!... Happy anniversary, honey!

  Caroline Sexton : [offscreen]  FUCK OFF!

  Brad Sexton : [dryly]  OK.

• Caroline Sexton : Hmm. It's actually soft over here.

  Brad Sexton : [mutters]  Probably because you're sitting in cow dung.

  Caroline Sexton : Excuse me?

  Brad Sexton : [aloud]  Uh... I said, "My oh my, is that cow hung."

  Caroline Sexton : You are such a pervert.

• Caroline Sexton : Well, after tonight, I don't know how I'll ever be able to face my friends again.

  Brad Sexton : Just pretend they're a mirror.

  Caroline Sexton : You're so funny, honey. Actually, I'll just confess to them that I'm married to a MORON. And that way, they'll feel sorry for me and forgive me.

  Brad Sexton : Well, this "moron" built you this fabulous life.

  Caroline Sexton : Oh, that again. Oh, I forgot. That's right, honey! You did EVERYTHING, and I did NOTHING.

  Brad Sexton : Well, I have developed sixteen commercial properties in the last five years, including Euro-Alcatraz.

  Caroline Sexton : Oooooh... I'm sorry, did you say "Euro-Alcatraz"? "Vacation in... The Big House"? Say, did you hear that?

  Brad Sexton : What?

  Caroline Sexton : The sound of an entire continent laughing at you?

  [chuckles] 

  Brad Sexton : [sarcastically]  Ouch! Caroline, refresh my memory, will you please? What exactly have YOU done in the past five years? Wait a minute: I know. You've done Bloomingdale's. You've done lunch. You've done chemical peels. You've done collagen. You've done liposuction.

  [makes sucking noises] 

  Brad Sexton : Wowwww.

  Caroline Sexton : You poor, deluded little monkey. Who do you think brought you to these people? Hmm? Without me, Brad, you would be nothing.

  [blows cigarette smoke in his face] 

  Brad Sexton : [sputters]  I beg your pardon, but I had a very successful real estate career before I ever met you.

  Caroline Sexton : Oh. Really. So you consider leasing parking spaces a real estate career? Well, here's a news flash, BRAD: I took you from K-Mart to Tiffany's. I invented you.

  Brad Sexton : Okay. Well. Then I guess you have no one else to blame... but yourself.

  Caroline Sexton : That's--

  [stops. Brad laughs, she groans] 

  Caroline Sexton : I guess not.

  Brad Sexton : [she walks away, he smirks after her]  Good NIGHT.

  [they each retreat to their own separate sleeping quarters] 

• Caroline Sexton : [screaming as she is sitting in a pile of manure surrounded by cows]  BRAD! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

  Brad Sexton : What? Quiet. Those cows will jump on you.

  Caroline Sexton : [shrieks]  They will?

  Brad Sexton : [rolls his eyes]  Stay there. I'll be right back.

  Caroline Sexton : What do you mean, "stay here", Br...

  [squishes her hands right in a pile of cow waste. wails] 

  Caroline Sexton : Eeeeeeeeeuuuuwww, I have COW POOP ON ME!

  [sobs] 

• [Brad has just managed to crash their car-- a stolen taxi--into a lake] 

  Brad Sexton : [trying to help her out]  Are you all right?

  Caroline Sexton : No, I'm *not* all right, you *idiot*!

  Brad Sexton : Come on!

  Caroline Sexton : Get out of my way! I'll do it myself!

  Caroline Sexton : [flailing her arms around]  Help! I'm drowning! Please, Brad, help, don't let me die!