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44 out of 62 people found the following review useful: It makes me hate myself, 21 March 2005 Author: dwainegibson from Leeds, England
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I rented this movie off sky so that I could cuddle up to my girlfriend on the sofa. She left me two weeks later and I totally blame the film. I'm only writing this now with no real recollection of how the story unfolded,(I thank my cleansing unconscious for that) but a sort of painful residue which has collected within me is there instead. I only remember uncomfortable pain and thinking to myself Christopher?(Lloyd that is), how can you bear to involve yourself with this people??!!! Boo Hoo!!!! I cursed my error of judgement as soon as I saw the first lip-syncing effort, I looked into my then girlfriends eyes and like a dog trying to have a poo while being watched I slurred "Erm..sorry". Please don't watch this, some films are so bad they are good which is true when everyone involved are morons which is not the case in this film, morons mixed with mediocrities, and that only leads to confusion and ups and downs which is infinitely worse.
24 out of 30 people found the following review useful: This movie was terrible, 9 January 2004 Author: TheGreenSaga from United States
You see,.... wow. I'm speechless. This movie cost a lot of money to make. Millions of dollars. Tens of millions. They could've taken that money and fed a third world country. Or, even better (at least by entertainment standards, not moral standards), they could've taken the entire cast and crew on one big party weekend, ordering twelve hundred pizzas and like two thousand bottles of soda. Then they could have taken a camera from the studio, filmed it, and had a smash hit. But no, of course not. Instead they waste all that precious pizza and soda money on making computer-generated babies talk and fight kung-fu. It's just awful.
23 out of 33 people found the following review useful: diaper gravy, 5 April 2005 Author: claudemercure from Toronto, Canada
Just what I always wanted: to hear babies recycle stale catch-phrases from other movies (if you just can't get enough of the words "show me the money", this is the movie for you).It would be a waste of time for me to describe what is bad about this movie, because EVERYTHING is bad - the writing, the directing, the acting... This is the only film I know that causes actual physical pain. Don't be surprised if viewing of this film is followed by repeated fits of vomiting. By the time the phrase 'diaper gravy' was used for the third time, I realized that that's exactly what this movie consists of. The worst film I have seen in my life. But then, I haven't seen the sequel.I give Baby Geniuses a 1, only because zero isn't an option
30 out of 48 people found the following review useful: Completely Terrible!!!, 25 July 2001 Author: movies2u from United States
"Baby Geniuses" is a pointless and stupid film. It was completely ridiculous!!! One: The story was terrible, unamaginative, and pointless. Two: The acting wasn't great, except for Kathleen Turner's performance. And Three: The kids that were supposed to look like "babies" looked more like three or four year olds, and also you could see that when the babies talked, they weren't really talking, only that they were moving their mouths and that someone else was talking. And, I mean, babies being able to talk? STUPID! This film was very cheesy and stupid, which I had not expected. This was , without a doubt, the worst film of nineteen-ninty-nine. I give this terrible film a 0 out of 10. :(
19 out of 27 people found the following review useful: One of the worst film's of 1999. 1/2* out of ****, 14 June 1999 Author: Blake French (dlfspartan@aol.com) from Mason, Michigan
In "Baby's Day Out" an innocent baby is kidnapped for ransom but wreaks havoc of his kidnappers. "In Look Who's Talking" babies talk a lot. In "Baby Geniuses" babies talk and wreak havoc on their kidnappers. See the similarities, with the exception that "Baby Geniuses" is a disgrace to the other two or any other baby movies.The film opens with a small baby named Sly, short for Sylvester, using his impressive karate skills on grown adults. First, he punches an individual in the jewels. Second, he flips another over his shoulder.The victims are workers for a massive but secret research company that strongly believes that babies under two years of age have their own language, that all other people can not understand. That they know everything, the secrets of the universe, human weaknesses and many other fascinating things.Why do the characters care about this material? How did they find out about it? When did this research start? How long has it been going on for? Why do we care? These are a few of some of the questions I am asking myself here, none of which are answered.The movies' characters are unexplained props used only to for the other characters, the babies, own personal uses and enjoyment, and to explain the plot to us, for the movie itself has no story, it's merely a study of pointless methodologically that no body cares about.The children themselves are given vulgar and unfunny dialog to chew on. The main baby is voiced appropriately by Joseph Mazzello, who was probably offered good money here. They have computer animated mouths, that I think are supposed to look like real talking babies. And they often swear at adults, like they are masters of the universe, and the film pretends that they are.The movie's performances aren't exactly outstanding. Peter MacNicol from "Ally Mcbeal" is a dad interested in nothing the audiences are. Kathleen Turner is surprisingly dimwitted as the head person is charge of the research company, but what can you expect from a person who's film credits include "Serial Mom?" Christopher Lloyd from "My Favorite Martian," is nothing special either.There are a few laughs generated from the strange character motives, but most of them involve the characters being in some sort of pain. The ending is energetic in its use of using the babies as props, but even that is an exaggerated vision of "Baby's Day Out."Another major problem with the film is its use of the babies as objects. They are supposed to be cute, innocent creatures from God, not half animated plot devices. Even if the film did succeed in audience laughter, the subject of using babies as lab rats alone would turn anyone off immediately, even if it is played in a comic nature."Baby Geniuses" is one of the worst family movies I have seen in a long time. Will kids enjoy it? It is hard to tell, they might get a kick out of the films use of slapstick humor, but it is nothing compared to any movie with Leslie Nielsen. Save your money. This is no better than the "Ally Mcbeal" computer animated dancing baby.
20 out of 29 people found the following review useful: #1 Turkey of 1999, 13 July 2004 Author: gmonte33 (gmonte33@yahoo.com) from USA
I must admit that I don't like 'talking baby' movies. They're innately weird. This stupefying mess is the nadir of this tiny genre. Kathleen Turner has given some fine performances particularly in the 80's in very good films like "Body Heat", "Prizzi's Honor", "The Accidental Tourist" and "The War of the Roses". Christopher Lloyd has done well in films and on TV's 'Taxi'. So what they're doing in this moronic junk is anyone's guess. This was the worst film of 1999 and a top contender for the worst films of the decade. At least "Look Who's Talking" was good-natured and had a few laughs. "Baby Geniuses" is just two big spoonfuls of idiocy, peppered with ineptitude, on a plate of vapid nothingness. Zero of ****.
16 out of 22 people found the following review useful: It's as bad as you've heard!, 25 April 2004 Author: Wizard-8 from Victoria, BC
Apparently producer Steven Paul and actor Jon Voight didn't learn anything when they produced the terrible ETERNITY ten years earlier, since they got together again to produce this absolutely moronic comedy. I think what really makes it so unbearable is the terrible dialogue given to the babies - they're given wiseguy remarks, barbed insults, and toilet words that make them utter repugnant despite their cuteness. The grown-up characters are little better than live-action cartoons, and you really sense how humiliated Turner, Lloyd, and even DeLuis are to be stuck here. Movie also has a slapdash feel, partly from its limited budget, but also what feels to be heavy reliance on improvisation. Hard to believe that a sequel is scheduled for release later this year!
11 out of 13 people found the following review useful: Lacking in any wit or value, 25 May 2003 Author: bob the moo from Birmingham, UK
Deep in the headquarters of a baby supplies corporation is a secret lab that is studying the communication of babies in the belief that they have a secret language and that the uninfluenced mind of a baby holds the secrets of the universe. However one baby is giving them problems – Sly, who was separated from his twin at birth and put in the lab while his brother went out to live in a normal home. On escaping the lab, Sly flees to the local mall where he meets his twin and gets accidentally taken home by Robin while his brother is mistakenly taken back to the lab. With the two brothers now under threat, the babies in and outside the lab plan an audacious plot to bring down the corporation.I was on a ferry going to Northern Ireland and, just as it was docking I caught literally the opening two minutes of this film before I had to leave my cabin and get my car. I was taken by the potential of the film and it stuck in my head. Skip forward about a year and the film was on terrestrial TV so I sat to watch it. Sadly the film not only failed to turn a silly idea into a tongue in cheek comedy but it also failed to do anything worth watching. The sheer absurdity of the idea could have worked had the film given us plenty of jokes for adults as well as mocking itself as it went. However it didn't go anywhere and even appeared to take itself seriously!Although the baby chats are occasionally amusing it is mostly unfunny. Kids may enjoy seeing babies fight and run around but I doubt the age group this is aimed at will have the slightest idea what is going on. With the exception of the opening 2 minutes there is almost nothing that adults will enjoy here. I can't put it any clearer – add a bit of knowing humour and this might have worked – as it is it is just awful.The adult cast should hang their heads in shame – they clearly hoped for another child/adult hit like `Look Whose Talking' but they ended up with the sort of film that belongs in a diaper. Turner, Lloyd, Cattrall and MacNicol all could have been much more fun but instead all play it seriously and thus kill any fun it may have been. The kids are OK and somehow managed to be manipulated by the director to do what the film demands, however, it is obvious that the film needed them to be `cute' which they spectacularly fail to be. The special effects used to move their mouths gives them a real creepy look and the way that more complex moves are performed by adults with the baby heads superimposed on their bodies is, well, just stupid looking and a little unnerving.Overall I do believe that with some really strong adult humour (see Toy Story) and some better adult performances to inject some fun into it, that this could have been a better film. As it is, it is just awful and even if my kids begged I wouldn't watch it again – it would be for their own good!
21 out of 33 people found the following review useful: It's all true..., 18 June 2004 Author: dylman91 from Wakefield, RI
Everything you have ever heard about this movie is true. It deserves to be on the Bottom 100. The acting sucks, the plot sucks, EVERYTHING sucks! It's one of those things where it's unexplainable. When you watch a movie, you want to feel satisfied. You want to have a good time. There are a million movies that will give you this feeling. Baby Geniuses, however, is NOT one of these movies. It will make you feel ripped off and you will want an hour and a half back on your life. To keep it short: DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE. You'll thank me. You will also thank the other one million people who told you not to watch it.1/10.
8 out of 10 people found the following review useful: I wanted to feed these babies one by one to a Great White., 15 March 1999 Author: TBrown (broktoy@prodigy.net) from Zanesville, Ohio
The guy that gave us the wonderful "Christmas Story," the absolutely terrifying "Black Christmas" and the rollicking "Porky's"offers up a big piece of post-holiday sludge about experimental babies and the evil high-tech scientists that are raising them. The premise is that babies speak a language that if deciphered would provide the answers to the universe. While the adults on the screen are spared the thoughts and clever dialogue of the little tykes, the movie audience isn't afforded the same luxury.Movies about babies aren't supposed to make you hate the babies, but in Bob Clark's new comedy that combines the worst elements of "Look Who's Talking" and "Home Alone," I began to truthfully despise the wise-cracking karate-kicking diaper-clad little urchins within three minutes of the opening credits. In all fairness it's not the babies fault that they're about as lovable as a hang-nail, it's an absolutely inane script filled with stupid dialogue, tired slapstick and over-driven campy performances by the likes of Kathleen Turner, Ruby Dee and the always exciting Dom Deluise. Those factors and digitized little mouths spewing cliched movie dialogue, statements like "ooh...diaper gravy!" and yes even some bad words, makes for the most agonizing 94 minutes I've ever spent in a movie theater. There may be something far more unsettling and scary in the upcoming new millennium than just the Y2K bug..."Baby Geniuse's 2!"'
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