- [When Jimmy is reluctant to sign a management contract]
- Lenny: Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen; I'm signin', you're signin', we're all signin'!
- Faye: I have wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you - kisses that I thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your color and life. I used to think that was the real you, when you smiled. But now I know you don't mean any of it. You just save it for all your songs. Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight.
- Jimmy: [Speaking about Diane Dane] She told me never trust a label. And I'm beginning to believe her.
- Lenny: Well, sure. I mean, come on. They put us up in a first class hotel, all expenses paid, while our record climbs the charts; bunch of lyin' snakes.
- Jimmy: Sorry I'm buggin' you! I guess I'm alone in my principles.
- [leaves the room]
- Lenny: Oh come on. Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song "Alone in my principles."
- Villapiano: Know what that is?
- Lenny: [pauses, then answers hesitantly] Pres - idential flash cards?
- Villapiano: A bonus. Do you know why?
- Lenny: I have no idea.
- Villapiano: To entice you back! The word is out on you O-neders!
- Lenny: Hey, that's O-nedders!
- Lenny: [when asked what The Wonders' musical influences are] Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.
- Mr. Patterson: Darlene, you just got promoted.
- Darlene Patterson: You mean you're gonna start paying me?
- Mr. Patterson: I didn't say that.
- Dell Paxton: Ain't no way to keep a band together. Bands come and go. You got to keep on playin', no matter with who.
- [during a TV interview with band at the Illinois State Fair]
- Lenny Haise: Oh, I'm not here with these fellas. I've got a pig in competition over at the livestock pavilion, and *I* am gonna win that blue ribbon!
- Mr. White: You know, Horace was right about you, Guy; you are the smart one. Lenny is the fool, Jimmy is the... talent, and Faye is... well, now, Faye is special, isn't she? And you are the smart one. That's what I think, anyway.
- Lenny Haise: So how long have you worked at Play-tone?
- Receptionist: How long have you been wearing such tight pants?
- Lenny Haise: Hey, if that's a pick-up line we're a match made in heaven.
- Guy: Hey, Lamarr. Is there any place around here with really good jazz?
- Lamarr: [skeptical] Oh, you want good jazz? GOOD jazz? Lemme ask you a question. Who played cornet for Jacques St. Claire on "Vital Stats"?
- Guy: Scotty MacDonald.
- Lamarr: Get in the cab. GET in the CAB.
- [to driver]
- Lamarr: Take this young man to the Blue Spot.
- Guy: Hey, Uncle Bob, when are we gonna get these records?
- Uncle Bob: [thinks] Ah... Luke 21:19.
- The Bass Player: And your patience possess ye your souls.
- Lenny: Luke? Who's Luke? When are we gettin' the records?
- Uncle Bob: Wednesday.
- Guy Patterson: But we still have a hit record.
- Mr. White: Yes, you do.
- [thoughtfully]
- Mr. White: The one-hit Wonders.
- [looks at Guy]
- Mr. White: A very common tale.
- Guy Patterson: I'm Guy Patterson, I'm from Erie, Pennsylvania, I'm in a band called The Wonders and we just cut a record, we're out here on the coast and I play the drums and I have all your records well not all of them but a lot of them but ah at least I did until some of them got swiped when I was stationed in Germany and you were playing in Germany at the time that I was stationed there, but you know what I couldn't see you because you were playing in Hamburg and I was stationed in Munich but I listen to your records and I think you're great.
- [takes a breath]
- Guy Patterson: You are my biggest fan.
- Dell Paxton: Thanks.
- Phil Horace: I've found that a hit record is like a stew. All the ingredients have to come together just right. Otherwise, it's just soup.
- Lenny Haise: Here's the thing, we're not "The Wonders" right now, we're "Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters".
- Guy: If Jimmy's a genius, I'm U Thant.
- The Bass Player: Who's U Thant?
- Guy: He's the Secre... forget it.
- Mr. White: [on the phone to Guy, who's sleeping in after his night at the Blue Spot] Good morning, Guy. We have a crisis here - your bass player has disappeared, and you are still in bed! Just calling to tell you to get your patootie down to the television studio! You're gonna be on TV tonight!
- Heckler: Hey, when are you gonna play "That Thing You Do!"?
- Lenny: Ah, has our fame preceded us?
- Heckler: We came here to meet girls and dance, and we can't meet girls until we dance!
- Lenny: [to Jimmy, the Bass Player, and Guy] All right, this seems like an opportune moment to pick it up a little.
- [to the heckler]
- Lenny: OK, here's one for the kid in the back.
- [Reading an ad from a competing megamart]
- Mr. Patterson: Open Saturday ten to ten. Open Sunday twelve to six... open on Sunday from twelve to six! You know, I don't believe I want to live in a country where you stay open on Sunday to business. You shouldn't have to work on Sunday to support your family.
- Talent Show Emcee: Hey, how do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?
- Heckler: You're a jerk Catton!
- Talent Show Emcee: You say: hey, would you like to buy a chicken?
- Heckler: Eat my shorts Catton!
- Talent Show Emcee: [loudly at first, then almost to a whisper] Shut up! I'll kick your ass!
- Mr. White: "That Thing You Do" is the fastest rising single in the history of the Playtone label. As of tomorrow morning, you Wonders - you've got the #7 record in the country.
- Mr. White: He was joining the Marines in August anyway. It was gonna happen sooner or later. Guy, say hello to Scott Pell, Wolfman.
- Jimmy: How you doing?
- Guy: Uh, replacement?
- Mr. White: Yes.
- Jimmy: Who's he player with?
- Mr. White: The Techniques, uh...
- Scott 'Wolfman' Pell: Roy Maxwell and the Corsairs.
- Lenny: Ha-ha... really?
- Mr. White: He's your new bass player.
- Guy: Mr. White... no offense, but I... we've been together a long time.
- Mr. White: There aren't a lot of options here, Guy.
- Guy: Can he handle our tunes?
- Scott 'Wolfman' Pell: I think I can handle them, junior.
- [plays some bass killer licks]
- Jimmy: Ok.
- Lenny: Ok.
- Guy: Fine.
- Guy: [to Jimmy, after the Hollywood television showcase performance, referring to Faye, after he denied ever proposing to her] Why couldn't you dump her in Pittsburgh?
- Guy Patterson: When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, truly, truly, good and kissed?
- Faye: But I thought you already decided on The Echoes.
- Jimmy: Nah, some band in Buffalo's the Echoes. And I wasn't wild about that.
- Lenny: Let's just call us The - Band You're About To Hear.
- Chad: How about The Corvettes?
- Jimmy: Is that The Corvettes, or the Chordvettes?
- Chad: No, Corvettes, like the car.
- Jimmy: Well see, I was thinking like the Chord...
- [writes Chordvettes]
- Jimmy: *Chord*vettes, like chords in our music.
- Lenny: [Guy walks in] Is that "Skitch" Patterson?
- Chad: Here he is, Erie's lone beatnik.
- The Bass Player: How about the Tempos? Ya know, tempos?
- Lenny: Not the Tempos, Tempos. I was in a band already called The Tempos, and we were... terrible.
- Chad: Hey Guy, weren't you the drummer for the Tempos?
- Guy: Heard that.
- [after Guy has gotten into a conversation with his idol, Del Paxton]
- Marguerite: Look at you. You're no good to me now.