Bruce McCulloch: Alice, Cisco, Grivo, Worm Pill Scientist, Cop #2, Cancer Boy, White Trash Man
Photos
Quotes
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Cop #1 : Hey, didya see that, uh, Nina Bedford show this morning?
Cop #2 : Yeah, that uh... thing about toast-fucking.
Cop #1 : ...toast-fucking?
Cop #2 : Yeah - it's the new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast.
Cop #1 : No, the... the show this morning was about that new drug.
Cop #2 : Oh. Must have been a dream I had.
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White Trash Man : Baby... get in the vehicle, baby!
White Trash Woman : I'm not getting in that vehicle!
White Trash Man : Baby, this is my gift to you!
White Trash Woman : What? Gift? That's not a gift, you freakin' stole this!
White Trash Man : I stole it to make it up to you, baby.
White Trash Woman : [sobbing] Well, tell me this, then - how could you sleep with my best friend and then tell me about it?
White Trash Man : Sure I told you about it, baby, but don't shoot the messenger!
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Scientist : I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don : Uh, right, and what's positive about that?
Scientist : Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don : Couldn't it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?
Scientist : This is a drug... for the world... to give worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don : Well, great. Thanks for stopping by.
Scientist : You just don't get it here! Huhoooo!
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Alice : Hello, is your *uncle* home?
Cooper's groupie : Uncle? Oh, yeah. Just a moment.
Cooper's groupie : [calls upstairs suggestively] Uncle Chris!
Dr. Chris Cooper : Uncle? What, are we playing *that* game again?
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Cisco : Come on, girls, let's go and sign those papers that say last night never happened.
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Cisco : Okay, I was driving around last night in my sixty-two thousand dollar car. And I was trying to think of a name for the drug, then it hit me.
Don Roritor : The name?
Cisco : No a bird, it hit my windshield. When that happened, I got depressed.
Natalie : Not you, Cisco!
Cisco : Yeah, even me. But as soon as I got depressed, I got undepressed. 'Cause as I was cleaning the gleaming guts of that bird off my car, I thought of a name for the drug - Gleemonex. The slogan - Gleemonex makes it feel like it seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time!
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[looking into a microscope]
Alice : This urine is great!
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Dr. Chris Cooper : [holding out cappuccino cup to assistant] My cap is luke.
Assistant : Lukewarm, Chris?
Cisco : No, Luke Skywalker, you fuckin' inbred.
