The First Wives Club (1996)

Goldie Hawn: Elise Elliot Atchison

Photos 

Quotes 

• Elise : There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.

• [finding empty liquor bottles in trash] 

  Brenda : Let's examine the evidence. Look! all bottles and gallon jugs!

  Elise : I had guests!

  Brenda : Who? Guns N Roses?

• Elise : You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!

• Elise : I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.

  Brenda : No, that's why your co-stars drink.

• [Elise shows Bill proof that his new girlfriend is only sixteen years old] 

  Elise : Should have done your homework, Bill! I did. Oh, by the way, here's a copy of her birth certificate.

  Bill : Oh, God... I didn't know... oh, God! Wh-what are you going to do?

  Elise : Oh, what am I gonna do? Well, for now I'm just going to say the f word... *Felony*.

• Elise : You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!

  Brenda : Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!

  Elise : It was the sixties.

• Annie : What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?

  Elise : Been there!

  Brenda : Done that!

• Elise : No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!

• Brenda : When men know women are a certain age...

  Elise : Good bye love.

  Brenda : Hello pop-tarts.

• Annie : Let's synchronize our watches.

  Brenda : Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"

  Elise : Oh, that was a big hit.

• Brenda : I remember your first talk-y.

  Elise : Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"

• Elise : Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?

  Brenda : Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?

  Elise : Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?

• Elise : I'm not Monique's Mother!

  Maurice : No.

  Elise : Angela Lansbury's Monique's Mother!

  Maurice : Uh-huh.

  Elise : Shelley Winters is Unique's mother!

  Maurice : Now that's a good one.

  Elise : Sean Connery is Monique's mother!

  Maurice : And I'm going to get you some coffee.

• Brenda : I'm saying this, with love compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood... you are full of SHIT!

  Elise : Whhhaaattt?

• Elise : If only she'd called me. If only I was listed.

• Elise : It's the 90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.

• Elise : [Drunk]  You never even wrote to me!

  Annie : [Meekly]  You were unlisted...

  Elise : And you always talked about me behind my back!

  Brenda : Oh, you deserved it!

• Elise : I'm unhappy, Maurice!

  Maurice : And I'm going to get you that coffee.

• Elise : And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!

  Brenda : I didn't think you would come.

  Annie : Yeah, it was in Hebrew!

  Brenda : Oh shutup!