- Coach Orion: [picks hockey puck up off the ice and addresses the Ducks] What's the one thing all great teams have in common?
- Lester Averman: Great coaching.
- Coach Orion: [unamused] Don't try to suck up to me, Averman.
- [pause]
- Coach Orion: Defense. See, unlike scoring, defense never quits, but to play great defense, you need one thing above all else.
- Lester Averman: [sarcastically to Goldberg] Bet it starts with a "W."
- Coach Orion: Confidence. Listen, if you learn nothing else when you're here, you learn this. All right? 'Cause it's not just about hockey. It's easy to be confident when you have control of the puck. It's very, very difficult to keep that confidence when you gotta take whatever strange bounces life throws your way. Don't be careless, but don't be too careful either. You cannot be afraid to lose. That's how you gain the confidence to attack the game when the puck isn't yours. That's how you attack life even when you think you don't have any control. And that's how you play real defense.
- Gordon Bombay: I was like you, Charlie. When I played hockey, I was a total hotshot, tried to take control of every game. I wound up quitting. So I tried the law. Same thing. I rule in the courtroom, but inside, I'm a mess. I started drinking. Man, I was going down, but then this great thing happened. Maybe the best thing ever. I got arrested and sentenced to community service. And there you were, Charlie and the Ducks. And as hard as I fought it, there you were. You gave me a life, Charlie and I want to say thank you. I told Orion about all this when I talked to him about taking over. I told him that you were the heart of the team and that you would learn something from each other. I told him that you were the real Minnesota Miracle Man.
- Charlie Conway: [astonished] You did?
- Gordon Bombay: [nods] I did. So be that man, Charlie. Be that man.
- Coach Orion: You're playing hard. I'm proud of you guys.
- Luis Mendoza: They're cheap-shotting us to death.
- Coach Orion: I know they are. I know they are.
- Lester Averman: It's going to take a miracle for us to hold on.
- Dean Portman: [enters the lockeroom reading his scholarship] Dean Portman is awarded a full athletic and academic scholarship to the Eden Hall Academy. I had this lying around the house in Chicago, my attorney thought I should sign, I agreed. It's official boys. I'm back!
- Charlie Conway: [aside to Orien] Bombay.
- Ken Wu: Yo, Russ, you gotta teach me how to talk some trash.
- Russ: It can't be taught, Kenny, man. I mean, it's got to be the first thing that comes to your mind. You just got to go for it. Try it.
- Ken Wu: Hey Ref! You...
- Russ: [covers Ken's mouth] Ah! Shh. Pick another target.
- Ken Wu: [stuttering] Hey, #44, you... you... you... you... you play... you don't play real good.
- Bears Player: Yeah, right.
- Russ: Shorter, man. Get to the point.
- Ken Wu: Hey, number nine! Bite me!
- [gets knocked over by the number nine player]
- Russ: [laughs] Now we're getting somewhere.
- Gordon Bombay: [to the board] These scholarships, an offer, became a binding contract upon the signatures of the recipients and acceptance by the Ducks. They cannot be voided except for cause which I guarantee you, you have none. Should you decide to pursue their cancellation, I will slap you with an injunction. I will tie this matter up in court for years until long after these kids have gone on to college. And I will collect damages. I will win because I am very, very good. You know why I'm so good? Because I had a good education. You gave it to me and you're gonna give it to these kids.
- Coach Orion: [to Charlie] He is good.
- Charlie Conway: Just getting started.
- Julie Gaffney: [singing while in the goal] Fulton scored, Fulton scored. I am really bored. Fulton's great, Fulton's great. A year ago, he couldn't even skate.
- Charlie Conway: [after Cole steals Charlie's lunch] Oh, come on, my mommy made me brownies.
- Fulton: Yeah. Fresh warm ones.
- Rick: It's too bad about your bash brother. Heard he was too scared to leave home.
- Fulton: Portman ain't scared of nothing.
- Cole: Phew! What the hell kind of brownies are these ?
- Charlie Conway: I gotta tell her to stop using the horse turds in the recipe.
- Gordon Bombay: [to priest] Excuse me, one second.
- [takes Hans' jersey and lays it on the coffin, then addresses the 'Ducks']
- Gordon Bombay: Every time you touch the ice, remember that it was Hans who taught us to fly.
- Gordon Bombay: [while walking down the hall with Charlie, he leads him to a trophy cabinet and motions to a picture of himself] Check this out. Look at that hair. I look like Greg Brady.
- [he and Charlie chuckle]
- Coach Orion: [blows whistle] Let's go! Get over here! Take a knee. You guys are not skating like Warriors. You look like something else. You look like Ducks.
- Charlie Conway: [Gordon has set Charlie's alarm for 6AM] Go away.
- Gordon Bombay: Can't do that. Come on.
- [flips Charlie and his mattress over]
- Gordon Bombay: Get dressed, Charlie.
- Coach Orion: Hey, Charlie, we're really backed into a corner here. We hold them for two minutes, we got ourselves a tie.
- Charlie Conway: We're up to it, Coach.
- Coach Orion: I know you are, but you deserve to win. Not careless, but not too careful either. If you see your shot, take it. Make sure it counts.
- [puts a "C" on Charlie's jersey]
- Coach Orion: Go get 'em, Captain.
- Charlie Conway: Goldberg! Goldie, I knew you could do it!
- Goldberg: Don't ever do that to me again!
- Charlie Conway: Goldberg, you scored. We win!
- Mrs. Madigan: Every Monday, you will have a practice quiz. Every Wednesday, you will have a real quiz. Every Friday, you will have an exam. And any time I feel like it, you will have a surprise quiz or exam.
- Connie Moreau: [to Guy] This ninja stuff really makes you look, uh, I don't know how you say, um...
- Guy Germaine: [suavely] Ruggedly handsome?
- Connie Moreau: Amazingly stupid.
- Guy Germaine: [sarcastically] Very funny.
- Goldberg: [When Fulton shoots in the puck towards Goldberg] Ow! Hey, watch it, please! That hurt.
- Fulton: Sorry, Goldberg.
- Goldberg: Oh, no problem, guys. Life isn't bad enough, I gotta worry about being nailed off the ice too. Why am I always getting shot at?
- Fulton: You're a goalie, dude. Deal.
- Goldberg: Well put. Thanks, Fulton. Real sensitive.
- Fulton: You're welcome.
- Coach Orion: Goldberg! When's the last time you practiced?
- Goldberg: Well, uh, we don't really practice, per se. We either play or play around. You know, have fun. You know, that thing that makes you smile and laugh. Ha, ha, ha!
- [Coach Orion glares at him]
- Goldberg: Okay, I'll shut up.
- Dean Buckley: You can learn a lot from ants. These Brazilian fire ants can teach you a lot about successful societal structure. Come here. You see there's one queen in there. The rest are dedicated worker ants. Everybody pulls their weight. Nobody complains. There's harmony and growth. Same here at Eden Hall, only you are the workers, the backbone.
- Russ: And you're the queen?
- [everyone snickers]
- Julie Gaffney: Hey, I want to know who this new Coach Orion is. My dad said that if I didn't like him, I could come right home.
- Russ: That's nice. My dad said I better stay in on scholarship or he'll whip my butt.
- Gordon Bombay: Thank you. It's a great honor to be here today to introduce you to a truly great group of kids. Sure, they can be a little rambunctious. They've run me ragged and played more than their fair share of pranks. I still haven't forgotten about those eggs, but I hung in there, and they hung in there for me. We became the Quack Attack, the Flying "V'' and the Bash Brothers. I've never had a better time. These kids are winners, each and every one of them. But more than that, these are good people. I hope that they enrich and enliven your school and your lives the way they have mine.
- Charlie Conway: The school looks stuffy, but we'll loosen it up. Huh, Coach?
- Gordon Bombay: [sighs] I'm not gonna be your coach this year, Charlie.
- Charlie Conway: Yeah. Very funny.
- Gordon Bombay: I just got the official word. The Junior Goodwill Games Committee has named me Director of Player Personnel. I'm gonna be in charge of their junior hockey program worldwide.
- Charlie Conway: Well, don't go.
- Gordon Bombay: Charlie, I can't pass up this opportunity.
- Charlie Conway: But you can pass us up, right? I mean, you dump us in some stupid school and now...
- Gordon Bombay: I'm not dumping you anywhere. Eden Hall is a great chance for you. Charlie, I will always...
- Charlie Conway: Coach, please... don't go.
- Gordon Bombay: Charlie, I know it's hard. I... I understand what you're going thr...
- Charlie Conway: No, no. No, you don't understand. You obviously don't even have a clue.
- [walks away from Gordon]
- Rick: [about the Ducks] My dad says it was all just a publicity stunt, but it's gonna wind up killing the school's reputation.
- Cole: Yeah. Them rejects should have stayed on their own side of the tracks.
- Scott: Those rejects, genius. Besides, we don't have tracks, Cole. You see, there's no trains, therefore, no tracks. Do you get that?
- Cole: Well, they should stay out of our school. Don't get smart with me, goalie.
- Coach Orion: [to the Ducks] How long does it take to score a goal?
- [throws the puck at the bulletin board]
- Coach Orion: Less than a second! That means no lead is safe if you can't play defense! Now get this straight. I don't give a damn how many goals you score. I want one number on your mind: zero as in shutout.
- [glares at Charlie]
- Coach Orion: You got that?
- Charlie Conway: How about it, Cowboy Roundup?
- Connie Moreau: Hey Charlie, shouldn't we wait for the new coach to mess around?
- Charlie Conway: This is how we practice. Duck hockey, Connie. He will have to get use to it sooner or later.
- Julie Gaffney: [about Coach Orion] I heard he was a Buddhist. You know, like Kung Fu or Richard Gere.
- Ken Wu: Kung Fu wasn't a Buddhist. He was a Trappist monk.
- Russ: Are you talking about the old "Kung Fu" or "The Further Adventures of the New Kung Fu"?
- Dwayne: Y'all watch too much TV.
- Russ: Shoot, that's the safest thing to do in my hood.
- Fulton: [after finding out that Portman isn't coming to Eden Hall] What good is one Bash Brother? I mean, what am I now, Mr. Bash? The Bashman?
- Russ: [to one of the varsity hockey players] That's your dad? Nice outfit. Did it come with a yacht?
- Linda: [to Charlie] Hi. Uh, will you sign a petition?
- Charlie Conway: Uh... uh, yeah, sure. What's it for?
- Linda: We're demanding the board change the demeaning Warrior name.
- Charlie Conway: Well, "Warriors" isn't so bad, is it? I mean, you got the Indians, the Braves, the Redskins, the Blackhawks...
- Linda: You're a jock, aren't you?
- Charlie Conway: Yeah, I play hockey. In fact, I'm the captain of the new J.V. team.
- Linda: Forget about it. All you Warrior jocks stick together.
- [walks away]
- Charlie Conway: But I'm not a Warrior, I'm a Duck.
- Coach Orion: [as he introduces himself to the team] My name is Coach Orion. You can call me ""Coach'' or "Coach Orion.''
- Charlie Conway: Well, you can call me "Charlie.''
- [the rest of the Ducks laugh]
- Coach Orion: That must be what that "C'' on your jersey stands for, huh? It sure doesn't stand for "captain."
- Charlie Conway: [to Hans] School is a nightmare, especially our new hockey coach. Have you ever heard of Ted Orion?
- Hans: Yes. Yes, h... he left the North Stars when he was still in his prime.
- Charlie Conway: This guy is no Duck.
- Hans: Perhaps you should show him the way, Charlie.
- Charlie Conway: [chuckles] He doesn't exactly seem open to new learning experiences.
- Hans: The question is, are you?
- Coach Orion: [During practice when the Ducks are skating] Work those legs, Gaffney! Where's your energy?
- Julie Gaffney: I think I'm gonna be sick.
- [leans over the boards and vomits]
- Goldberg: [chuckles] One cupcake over the line, Cat Lady.
- Coach Orion: [to Charlie] Where's the one place you never want to clear the puck?
- Charlie Conway: It looked open.
- Coach Orion: Just answer the question, Conway.
- Charlie Conway: Listen, I'm not a defenseman, I'm a scorer!
- Goldberg: Hey, ref. You know, you can call this thing now and we can all get home in time to see "Melrose."
- Dean Buckley: [to Coach Orion] Ted. Ted. I know you're as disappointed in that tie as we are.
- Coach Orion: Actually, I'd have preferred a loss.
- Dean Buckley: You're kidding, right, Coach?
- Coach Orion: Well, you learn a hell of a lot more from losing than from winning.
- Dean Buckley: We don't have time for learning. We need to win. They could lose their scholarships.
- Coach Orion: You're kidding, right, Dean?
- Scott: [to Julie] Hey, can we call it even?
- Julie Gaffney: I hate ties. They're like kissing your brother.
- Adam Banks: [after Adam crashes into Charlie and they crash into the net; the two of them start fighting] Yeah, nice takedown. You'd be in the box.
- Charlie Conway: Go cry to your rich parents!
- Coach Orion: [to the Ducks] Well, congratulations. You just forfeited whatever mental edge you might have had over the varsity. Now they know they own you. This isn't the Pee Wees. Your little Duck tricks are not gonna work at this level. Now, for the last time, stay away from the varsity. And get those Duck jerseys off now. Let's go. Now. Come on, let's go. Take them off! The Ducks are dead.
- Coach Orion: [to Charlie] You got two choices, Conway: take off the jersey right now or you don't play.
- Charlie Conway: You're breaking up the best thing any of us ever had.
- Coach Orion: Well, it's time to grow up.
- Charlie Conway: Grow up? Like you, huh? A washed-up pro who has to show off to a bunch of kids. Geez, that's real grown up.
- Coach Orion: [When the Dean announces to the Ducks that the school is going to withdraw their scholarships] You're dumping 'em, just like that?
- Dean Buckley: Coach, I'm sorry. Your team isn't performing and I've been under enormous pressure...
- Coach Orion: From whom? The alumni group? A bunch of aging pep clubbers?
- Dean Buckley: Ted, I'm trying to do you a favor. With those kids gone, you'll get to pick your own team. Let's face it, the Ducks are drowning.
- Coach Orion: I got my team. Either they stay or I go.
- Dean Buckley: We'll miss you, Ted.
- [before the Ducks face off against the varsity team the morning after being stiffed on the dinner check]
- Adam Banks: They didn't tell me until it was too late. Charlie, believe me.
- Charlie Conway: Yeah right, preppy.