Photos
Quotes
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Mr. President, maybe Senator Lurman is right. Maybe we are screw ups. We didn't even write the letter to you, Lisa here did. She's an honor student. Now I never got the chance to read it yet, but... well I'm pretty sure that whatever she said about education reform must be really cool!
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer : Yeah, you goverment guys have to make sure that future generations of kids get a good education so they... don't end up like us.
Carla Morgan : We're soiled, but it's not too late to save others.
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Barry 'Virus' Kremmer : What about Meg?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Meg's gay.
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer : Well if anyone can change her, it's you.
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : So why don't you just ditch the books and come to the back and party with us?
Lisa Perkins : I can't.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Why?
Lisa Perkins : 'Cause nobody likes me. Everyone thinks I'm a frigid headcase.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Well, Virus and Reggie do... but I don't. Look, why don't you prove them wrong by coming to the back and partying with us?
Lisa Perkins : Okay. I can be fun.
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Miosky : [speaking for the first time] You know what I wanna do? I wanna do a Jap.
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer : Hey! How about Carla Morgan? I hear she's half Jewish!
[Miosky slaps Virus across the face]
Miosky : Not that kind of Jap. A real Jap from China. With silky soft skin, almond eyes and straight blonde hair.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : [sarcastic] A blonde Japanese. Hmmmm.
Miosky : They're a rare breed, but they're out there - and I'm gonna find one.
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Let's do some Van Damme-age.
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : We're not going anywhere with Senator Bunghole.
Senator John Lerman : Senator Bunghole?
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[the minute the kids walk into the store]
Ish : Hey! I want no trouble from you people! You hear me? Behave!
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : I hate when I get blamed for something before I do anything wrong.
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Reggie Barry : Um, Dags, I just saw that psycho crossing guard guy in a car with Lt. Uhura.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : [dubious] Sure, dude.
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Reggie Barry : Pop quiz, hotshot: You have 10 underage students craving alcoholic beverages in a store containing your high school principal. What do you do? What-do-you-do?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Take out the principal.
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
Lisa Perkins : What?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Wanna cut and go to a party?
Lisa Perkins : Huh.
[Turns away and tries to ignore Dags]
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Come on! I know you like me.
Lisa Perkins : Would you leave me alone?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : I am concerned about you, Lisa. One day, you're gonna wake up and realize that you wasted all of your high school years studying.
Lisa Perkins : And you're gonna wake up one day and realize that you're a loser!
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Principal Todd Moss : Well, this was an interesting field trip.
Miss Tracy Milford : What are we going to do now?
Reggie Barry : Go home.
Lisa Perkins : No, we can't let this happen!
Meg Smith : But if we go and try to stop him, we're only gonna make the President look worse.
Reggie Barry : Just like Vietnam... no way to win.
Herbert Jones : What we need is a miracle.
Meg Smith : Yeah. Like that time when the school got torched right before finals.
Reggie Barry , Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : [both together] Oh. That was us.
Principal Todd Moss : That was you?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Yeah. Now, if we can stop finals, we certainly can stop some Bunghole senator!
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[the whole gang is drinking on the bus]
Lisa Perkins : [drunk] Dags?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : [even more drunk] Yeah? W-what?
Lisa Perkins : I've been thinking about our impending relationship. Which I think is a good idea. As long as you don't talk too much, you let me call the shots, and my parents never, never, NEVER find out about you, I think it could work out between us.
[Dags falls out of his seat and passes out on the floor]
Lisa Perkins : Hey... are you paying attention to me?
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Steve Nisser : That does it, you leave me no choice! As student body president, I'm placing you all under citizens arrest! You're all confinded to your rooms until I get Principal Moss.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Miosky, take care of this guy.
[Miosky eagerly pushes his away towards Steve]
Steve Nisser : Lay one hand on me and I'll sue! Principal Moss!
[Miosky knees Steve in the groin]
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : This guy totally trashed your car.
Reggie Barry : Not my new Buick?
Reggie Barry : Yeah.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : We tried to chase him and everything, but he got away.
Reggie Barry : He, um, was wearing a Billy Joel T-shirt.
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino , Wanda Baker , Reggie Barry , Carla Morgan , Meg Smith , Barry 'Virus' Kremmer : [weakly to Principal Moss after he catches them holding a party in his house] Surprise! Happy birthday...
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : It's the government, man.
Herbert Jones : The government sucks.
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Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : [car smashes into flagpole, Dags and Reggie get out of hotboxed car] Total destruction.
Reggie Barry : Any harm?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : I don't think so.
Reggie Barry : Wait, there's a scratch.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Where? Here?
[Flagpole falls onto Principal Moss's car, smashing windscreen]
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino , Reggie Barry : Uh-oh.
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Senator John Lerman : Have you kids given any thought to what you might say to the committee about education reform?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Yeah, we're going to tell them the education system sucks.
Reggie Barry : Sucks dick.
Principal Todd Moss : That's not what they mean, sir.
Senator John Lerman : Why not? I think it's great. Now, remember. The president invited you kids down to Washington because he wants you to tell the nation how you really feel about school. If you think the education sucks dick, then by golly you tell them. Can I have your promise on that?
Reggie Barry : [raises his hand] I promise.
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Lisa Perkins : [Dags and Lisa are on the balcony talking] I need to ask you for a favour.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Sure, what?
Lisa Perkins : Well, I've been thinking about this and... I've decided I don't want to go to college a virgin.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Oh.
[Realises what she said]
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino : Oh!
[Dags smiles, they kiss]