Wagons East (1994)

Robert Picardo: Ben Wheeler

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ben Wheeler : But leaving would be like giving up.

  Phil Taylor : That's exactly what it would be, Ben--giving up! So let's just give up. Let's get out of here. Let's get ourselves a wagon master and go home. Let's go east. What do you say?

  Bartender : I say you're a bunch of gutless lily-livered, yellow-belly eastern sissies. All you've done since you got here was whine and complain. Now why don't you go back and leave the West to the real men?

  Julian Rogers : Well, actually, I could have the books on the wagon really quickly. And the Cappuccino machine, you know, is going to travel like a dream.

• James H. Harlow : Well?

  Big Snake That Makes Women Faint : Bad news. Big trouble.

  James H. Harlow : Let's just keep that to ourselves.

  [Crowd approaches] 

  Ben Wheeler : What's news?

  Big Snake That Makes Women Faint : Cavalry's coming. They come to stop you.

• Ben Wheeler : We can't go East.

  Phil Taylor : Why not?

  Ben Wheeler : Because!

  Phil Taylor : Why?

  Zeke : Because it's against "The Code."

  Phil Taylor : It's against what code?

  Ben Wheeler : You know very well what code. The Code... of the West.

  Phil Taylor : Oh, the Code of the West. Isn't that the same code that says, ah...

  Ben Wheeler : "The only good Indian is a dead Indian."

  Phil Taylor : And "Die with your boots on." Wait, wait a minute, I got another one for you - "If someone steals your horse, you hang him." That's some code. Hey, this is quite a code! Let's just stay here! What a code.

  Julian Rogers : It's not a very enlightened ideology.

• Ben Wheeler : I can't face another wounded teller with a workman's comp claim.

• Ben Wheeler : Harlow was the wagonmaster for the Donner party... before he became a vegetarian.

• [an outlaw gang is holding up the bank] 

  Ben Wheeler : This is the third time this month. You really should give the depositers a chance to build up their accounts.

  [he hands the outlaw leader the bank's account books and his eyeshade] 

  Ben Wheeler : Good luck.

  Desperado Leader : Hey! I got a job!