- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: Listen mate, the day I pay 50p to get into my own show is the day I show my arse in Woolies' window.
- [cuts to Brown stood in a shop window, with his pants down]
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: Go fuck yourself!
- Solo: I just did. We Clitorans are hermaphrodites. We have both sets of sexual organs.
- Audience: [singing] Who ate all the pies? You ate all the pies! You fat bastard, you fat bastard, you ate all the pies!
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: Fuck off!
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: Tell you what mate, when I believe that I'm on a spaceship, I'll eat straw with a donkey!
- [cuts to Brown sat with a donkey in a room full of straw]
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: Me and my big fucking mouth.
- [takes a mouthful of straw]
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: Pregnant? You're talking out of your arse! How can I be pregnant? I demand a second opinion!
- Doctor: If you insist. You're an ugly bastard as well!
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: [Chubby has just walked in on Margaret cheating on him with the milkman] You bitch!
- Milkman: I, I warned her, Chubs! I told her that if she didn't pay her bill, I'd drop my pants and shit on the floor!
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: You fucking bitch!
- Margaret: It was him, Chubby! He was trying to rape me!
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: I'm not on about that, you fucking daft cow. I'm on about this!
- [holds up a box of Weetabix]
- Roy 'Chubby' Brown: You know I only eat Shredded Wheat.