Hercules Returns (1993)

Des Mangan: Hercules, Samson, Machismo, Ursus, Testiculi

Quotes 

• Machismo : [to Ursys]  I'll fight you on one condition... that you lower your nipples.

• Hercules : [bursts into song]  Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree...

• Labia : [Looks at Testiculi after having made love with him]  Was it as good for you as it was for me?

  Testiculi : [Considers]  Well... I didn't expect the earth to move... but I at least expected you to.

  Labia : [Gushes]  Your so romantic...

  [Sucking, kissing noises as they snog] 

• Charlie : What have you got against her? I think your just jealous cause her mum's bar's doing better than your beer garden.

  Testiculi : No, it's not that. It's because, well, I love you son. Now come here f*ck knuckle. You see, years ago, me and her mum, well, we sort of had this thing...

  Charlie : Are you telling me you could be her father?

  Testiculi : Nah, not at all. I'm just bragging.

• Delilah : You gave me your word you wouldn't fight again since that man got killed.

  Samson : I dunno why you gotta bring that up for. You stabbed him.

• Hercules : Watch the next punch after this one, it won't even connect! See!

• Samson : What would I want with a beautiful young thing when I've got you, eh?

• Samson : [picks up saddle but can't lift it as its too heavy]  Fuck...

  [tries again] 

  Samson : Bloody hell...

  [tries again then feels his hair] 

  Samson : Hang on a sec... my hair feels shorter! Awww, Del!

• Barmaid : I know this might be an in opportune moment, but what about the bill?

  Ursys : OOOOOOh, bill?

  [getting angry] 

  Ursys : You mean you want me to pay for all this?

  Barmaid : [Apologetically]  Forget i said anything, forget it!

  Ursys : I thought you were doing this because you liked me!

• Hercules : Mmmm. Black undies!

• Samson : [Delihla]  You promised me you wouldn't fight anymore after that man was killed.

  Delihla : [Samson]  I dunno why you have to bring that up?You stabbed him.

• Stretch : [as Zeus]  Your actual purpose is not as you believe to marry Labia, but to reveal your true homosexuality.

  Hercules : [confused]  Homosexual?