Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe (1990) User Reviews

Keep a straight-face.

[lost-in-limbo · 4/10 · 30 September 2008]

Anything starring ex-wrestler / former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura gotta be worth your weight in gold. After appearing as support in such films 'Predator', 'The Running Man and 'Ricochet', his first leading role happens to be in something rather lesser; 'Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe'. It's a low-rent, corny b-grade sci-fi chase get-up in the form of those efforts done in the late 80s / early 90s ('The Hidden', 'The Peacekeeper' and 'Dark Angel') with certain elements of 'The Terminator' (1984) obviously featuring.

Abraxas, an alien officer comes to earth to track down a renegade who plans to impregnate a woman with a child, which would be an actual ticking time bomb waiting to explode if caught in the wrong hands. He captures the renegade, but is too late to stop the pregnancy. Instead of destroying the threat, he spares the mother and baby's life. Times passes and the renegade escapes and heads back to earth to find the child, but Abraxas is soon on his trail by trying to get to the child first.

It's best that you just go with the flow. Don't look too hard into it, as it won't be impossible to get some sort enjoyment out of it with its unintentional mocking and bizarre nature (like the birth scene). Ventura rocks, but something about his burly physic not matching up to his well-mannered delivery of the material raises some chuckles with his almost-like second-rate Terminator impression. At times the chewy dialogues (honestly it was Shakespeare stuff) seemed too much of a mouth-fall for the two outer-space guests. A robotic Sven-Ole Thorsen forcefully played the evil foe, but Ventura has an sincerely likable air to him that makes him rather appealing in the role. Marjorie Bransfield is decent in her part. Also appearing in very minor support is James Belushi (who has a ridiculous conversation with Bransfield's character) and the dependable Michael Copeman.

Damien Lee (b-grade actor/writer/director) manages to make the production look better technically than its budget would allow. Sure the minimal special effects and (out of place slow-motion) action set-pieces are low-scale, but modestly crafted. It's well-photographed and the soundtrack is a flavoured sample of swiftly soothing jazz (odd I know) and electrifying rock. The flabby script is constantly stiff drivel and the screenplay while focused is still quite pedestrian (with a meandering midsection), but whenever Ventura's narrative voice-over pops up it amuses. The supposed humour on the other hand, (which the script tries for in parts) is dumb and falls flat, because they're not the moments you'll laugh at. Talk about a dud of an ending.

Undistinguishable, but better than expected camp that has some heart.

Poorly made Terminator rip off

[mstomaso · 2/10 · 10 May 2005]

OK. Nobody in their right mind could have expected much from this movie. But even though I knew Jesse Ventura was the headliner and that the budget was low, I didn't expect this film to be as bad as it was. The most glaring problem, surprisingly, isn't the acting. It's the sound. Ventura enunciates so poorly that it is easy to miss half of his lines (not that it matters in terms of moving the "plot" forward), and the sound itself is reminiscent of 16mm home movies. Expanding on the awfulness of the recording quality is one of the worst background soundtracks I have ever been forced to endure. Improvisational jazz, a U2-clone new wave band, and what sounds like a 12 year old with a Casio keyboard are randomly applied to the scenes in a manner reminiscent of the classically awful soundtrack of Manos: Hands of Fate. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060666/usercomments?start=10

Ventura and his arch-enemy (Sven Thorsen playing a cross between Grizzly Adams and Arnold Schwarzeneggar) don't bother with facial expressions, changes in pitch or intonation, This is probably a good thing, because the rest of the cast is actually passable. James Belushi's cameo is the highlight of the film. His scene is really quite funny, and placed well in the film, since it is likely to bring some viewers back from the brink of suicide. Damian Lee has a remarkable repertoire of poorly made extremely low budget films, and Abraxas is, amazingly, one of his better efforts.

The "plot" consists of two super-beings, one a rogue and the other a kind of intergalactic super-cop, who have arrived on earth. The rogue immaculately conceives with a human in order to spawn "the com leader" (At least I think that's what they call it - the sound is so bad that even after hearing this about 50 times in various accents, I still don't know what was being said). The com leader is a little boy who has the ability, when upset, to light fires and "spontaneously combust". Remarkably, the writers do not seem to have been aware that this phrase connotes self-immolation, not destructive potential. Abraxas' job is to stop the rogue, and to kill the 'com leader'. The Com Leader's mother is played by Marjorie Bransfield (the class of the acting talent here), and she appeals to Abraxas' super-humanity in an effort to save her son.

Predictable is too subtle. This film is frankly obvious from beginning to end. I can't recommend it to any but the most disciplined bad movie watcher.

Cheapjack sci-fi boasts good Ventura performance...

[moonspinner55 · 4/10 · 19 May 2006]

He's no Laurence Olivier, but Jesse Ventura is very likable as an actor. Low-budget science-fiction B-flick with shades of "The Terminator" involves good cop Ventura chasing bad cop Sven-Ole Thorsen from the future to present-day Canada. The shoestring special effects are pretty much a joke, and the film never comes up with the kind of futuristic scenario depicted on the poster. However, this thing is almost single-handedly saved by handsome Ventura's low-key performance. No, he's not going to win any awards for his acting, but he doesn't force his dialogue and is an appealing presence on the screen. The picture is the epitome of mediocre, it isn't original nor remarkable, but on a minor, TV-viewing level it's decent fare. ** from ****

I must locate Secundus!

[El_Zombiachi · 1/10 · 2 December 2005]

Abraxas. Wow. Where do I start? This film touched me in a special way. It was much the same way, in fact, that Ventura's character attempts to touch many of the young boys in the film.

Ventura's performance as the title character is incredible as he varies from ass-whooping and randomly blowing up snow to attempting to seduce young boys. It's an awe-inspiring portrayal. With his "Answer Box," which looks suspiciously like the sticker off a Nerf gun, Jesse quests to save Tommy, a frantic, hyperactive child who runs to random locations for no apparent reason and has the amazing ability to control other people's bladders. This is apparently a deadly secret called the "anti-life equation" that Ventura has to stop.

Ventura regularly ignores his programming, but the programming always provides him much more logical commands than the options he pursues. "If you let this woman live, the whole universe will be destroyed! She must die!" Somehow, since either way this woman must die, it would seem logical to save the rest of the universe, yes? Wrong! What Ventura chooses to do is ignore this command, marching away to find more snow to blow up. The plot is scattered with these lapses in logic and reason that Ventura embraces. His nemesis, Secundus also has these lapses in reason. He has no inspiration or motivation to destroy the universe, at least not one that is made apparent through the weak audio, that sounds as though it was recorded through a Fisher-Price tape player. Even the DVD has the sound quality of a Casio keyboard with a mattress being pressed against the speakers.

Another critical aspect of this film is the soundtrack, which sound more like a soft core adult film that a futuristic action thriller. The first 45 minutes sound like a Kenny G album just happens to be playing in the background, completely ruining any mood. A chase scene between two arch-nemeses becomes a playful romp in the woods. Two robot-men gripped in a life or death struggle looks more like flirtatious cuddling.

The explosions are gratuitous. The budget for this film was clearly as follows: 80%, pyrotechnical supplies; 15% delicious and refreshing Pepsi products scattered throughout, 3% vehicles, 2% makeup, costumes, lighting, sound, paying for cast and crew, and care for Mr. Ventura's dynamic rat-tail. Things explode in this film that don't ordinarily explode: snowdrifts, empty wooden crates, people's heads, etc. Oddly, car explosions are limited to maybe one, despite that several crash into the, as we all know, volatile and explosive snow. My assumption is that the producers had to return these to the Hertz dealership and had made the decision not to pay rental insurance, because as we all know, station wagon insurance is maddening.

This was another comedy-gold film that had me begging for the end like a Bills fan in a Super Bowl. I glanced at the clock when I hit the 60 minute mark, feeling as though I had been seated in one place for something like a decade watching Jesse stumble around, ignoring his programming like the good robot he is. I couldn't fathom that this went on for another 30 minutes. Thankfully, it finally came to an end, with Ventura destroying the antagonist (Sven Ole-Thorson) by testing him to see if he possessed the anti-life equation and making his head arbitrarily explode. Ventura decides to remain on Earth in the loving arms of Tommy or his mother (the film isn't exactly clear which), and we all leave the DVD player a little wiser.

Worthy of MST:3K

[edevin · 4/10 · 6 January 2006]

The overall story is not dreadful, but it plays along as if a 10-year-old wrote it. Combine that with sub-sub-par acting, minimal (at best) effects work (someone had a lot of fun with gasoline explosions), and a soundtrack that sounds like it came straight from a bad '70s porn flick, and you end up with "Abraxas." There are a few funny parts, though. One was Jim Belushi playing a principal named "Latimer." That was his character's name (and position) in his earlier movie, "The Principal." The other was a character saying "a parsec is not an acceptable unit of time measurement on Earth." Obviously, a nod to the infamous "Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs" line from Star Wars. Overall, if you don't *have* to see Abraxas, don't.

Cover is misleading

[macgruder · 5/10 · 21 February 2000]

I saw this movie in the store and thought "hey, this might be pretty cool. He was good in Predator and he's running for governor, so it cant be that bad." Boy was I wrong. The cover is so misleading. I thought it was supposed to be about space. The only "space" shot is when they show these two guys (which have no real purpose in the movie) talking about Abraxas in a cheesy low budget "science fiction" set.

The whole cover, front and back, looks like it is in space. Even the name Abraxas, Guardian of the UNIVERSE, should denote space and other galaxy related stuff. But no, All I got was an hour an a half of two burly aging men running around in a forest, and screaming and punching each other with no outcome. Boring. Plus there is a few scenes, where Jesse Ventura gets emotional. Made me want to puke.

Lose the rat's tail, Jesse.

[BA_Harrison · 4/10 · 11 May 2013]

There's a hilarious scene in this film where a topless Jesse Ventura invites a young boy to join him on his bed for a story about two men who were once partners; it's just one of many unintentionally funny scenes in this utterly dreadful (but still moderately entertaining) sci-fi adventure in which Mr. Ventura plays Abraxas, an 11,862 year-old intergalactic policeman trying to prevent renegade cop Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen, channelling Arnold Schwarzeneggar for his performance) from finding the 'Comater', (the aforementioned young boy), who might possibly have the 'Anti-life equation'— the secret to eternal life—locked in his mind.

A prime example of totally nonsensical 90s straight-to-video sci-fi, Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe repeatedly boggles the mind with its pitiful direction, dire performances, shockingly nasty sax/widdly guitar soundtrack, and nonsensical script which delivers more unfathomable sci-fi claptrap than the current season of Dr. Who (which is saying something). However, as awful as some of the action gets (in one ridiculous scene, a small-town cop under fire produces an Uzi from nowhere!), nothing is quite as bad as Ventura's hair (or what's left of it): partially balding with a rat's tail, Abraxas should have spent less time hunting for Secunda and put a bit more effort into trying to find a decent stylist.

stupid Terminator wanna be

[pkzeewiz · 1/10 · 27 April 2010]

A bad alien man comes to Earth and impregnates a woman and 6 years later he returns to get the kid who will continue his legacy. A good bounty hunter is sent back to Earth to kill this bad guy alien and he ends up falling for the girl...or something like that, as if I was trying to follow.

Horrible movie that tries so hard to be like Terminator. Putting Jesse Ventura as a hero was a joke and this bad guy, Sercundus, tries to talk just like Arnold Schwarzeneggar. It was such a stupid sci-fi action movie and tried to add comedy but it was hard to set through.

Direction was awful and the movie was so dark I couldn't even see what was happening most times. With such silly dialog and craziness all through it. Acting wasn't horrible but it sure wasn't great and it was nice seeing James Belushi doing the same role he did when he played on the movie Principal, and I loved his stupid lines here, I think his wife was in the movie. This movie might have had the worst music I have ever heard. Badly produced piece of garbage.

It's a rip off, it tries using bad wrestling stars as a sells pitch and its just a waste of time...avoid if you can. Its not even bad enough to be considered funny, it's just bad, I considered giving it a 2, but nope 1/10 stars for me.

Timecop mixed with terminator

[hotofthepress2 · 3/10 · 24 December 2005]

ABRAXAS , GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE .Chessy low-budget film a cross between terminator and time-cop well worth the watch, great one liners, poor effects but hey more than makes up for it in some of the fight scenes and dialogue. music with this film is awful soft jazz through out just turn your ears off .With a few more bucks this film could have been a half decent flick but like all low budget films resources are not always available .But if your stuck one evening and want to have a laugh and pick out the worst and best parts of the film worth the look.I am sure that the film would make an impression on your mind but only for a few minutes. But i enjoyed it in a sad funny way

The funniest movie ever!

[clearose-1 · 21 June 2007]

Anyone who writes up a serious critique of this movie is INSANE!!! It's hilarious, end of story. Thank God somebody made this film. Laughter therapy all the way.Among the sordid and strange moments in this movie are scenes a women giving birth without taking off her pants, and disturbing (but funny) "moments" of bizarre intimacy between the lead man and "Tommy" the young alien/human hybrid. MST3K would have fun with this one but it's already so funny on it's own there's probably not much they could add.Just go in expecting the corniest plot, most cliché-filled narrative, and worst acting you've ever seen in a movie and you wont be disappointed. Just don't eat while watching, you might choke. 10 line minimum huh? Well that's all i have to say. :)

Bad space adventure is not amusing

[funkyfry · 2/10 · 10 November 2002]

Pitifully bad direction and a story that borrows liberally from "The Terminator" and "Firestarter", producing a hybrid that is strictly second-rate. Ventura and Throsen do make a fun pairing, though, but there are too many anticlimactic fight scenes between them; Ventura is a galaxy cop and Thrsen is his renegade ex-partner out to figure out the secret to "anti-life", whatever that is.

A forgettable film that poses as science fiction but is really about big sweaty guys fighting in poorly staged battle royales (in Sam Peckinpah-style slow motion, no less). To be avoided by even the B-movie fan in search of derisive laughter.

Sven-Ole or Arnold? Doesn't matter! Bring him the comater!

[KnatLouie · 10/10 · 22 March 2005]

I have to say that this is one of my all-time favorite movies, and no, I am not crazy. I just have a fondness for bad movies and bad actors. This movie has it all! My 10 stars come from this:

1: A Bad Guy who's more sympathetic than the hero. I rooted for Secundus throughout the movie, he's the most interesting character of the two, Abraxas is just boring and has a really nasty skullet; is he bald or does he have a ponytail? Neither, he has both! Secundus has a cool beard and a huge scar across his face, making him look really tough! Plus he doesn't whimper and flutter around when he gets hurt like Abraxas does..especially when timetravelling through water!

2: The totally incomprehensible plot. The Comater? Sargacia? Finders? Anti-Life Equation? Volted T-Squared? Pla-steel? Answerboxes?? I need to find the comater, he must have the answers to all of this..

3: A totally redundant cameo from a 'big name' actor. James "Jim" Belushi appearing as the seemingly VERY incompetent principal, who doesn't understand children at all. Looks like the scene was a late write-in to give Marjorie Bransfield at least one good actor to work with - that is, her own husband at the time..

4: Excruciatingly bad and misplaced music. Soft saxophone music playing when the two men are fighting?? A 'happy tune' taken straight from "Manhunter" playing during the final showdown?? This movie would work much better with 'real' movie music, or at least a heavy metal-soundtrack! Carlos Lopes must die! Or at least get fired and sued for impersonating Kenny G.

5: A cover which has almost nothing to do with the movie. Space? Universe?? It's more like a snowy forest on earth most of the time, the only things 'space-like' is the two Brad Dourif look-a-likes in a cheesy 'space-station' talking about all this weird stuff no one understands anyway.(That's a cameo by the movie's director/Writer, Damien Lee as one of them, by the way).

6: Hilariously awful dialogue. Especially from Sven, who wrote it? I don't understand some of his lines, we need a subtitled version out there! "The anti-life equation is tantamount to magic. It would make me a GOD, anything less is death!" and "Looks like they lined your skull with pla-steel" - what's THAT supposed to mean?? "Have a nice day!"

7: Flaws and plot holes by the dozen. Where did Carl, Sonias boyfriend go? Where did the UZI come from? And how come Secundus couldn't find any use for it? Why did Secundus go to a strip-club? How come he eats, and Abraxas doesn't? Did the Camper dad get his 4x4 back? Does anyone care? Why is there three narrators (Abraxas, Secundus and Sonia)? Why does Abraxas scream and flutter when he arrives in the water, when Secundus doesn't even flinch? Does a 'Life-Equation' exist as well? How did Sonia give birth to Tommy with her pants still on? How come she got pregnant just by being touched by Secundus? Where did the principal go when the school was being evacuated? How come the school-bully can have such an ugly mullet, and still look cool to the other kids? How does the answer-box know if a person contains the anti-life equation, even before the test has been run? Why do people "discorporate" when the test is being run on them? Etc etc.

8: JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA (almost) NAKED in front of a kid! He's sitting in a bed, showing his rugged chest-wig, and talking about "two men who were once partners, and now find it very hard" etc...It was supposed to have been touching and emotional, but mostly comes out as being creepy and yet, very amusing. His box has VD, that means no touching it!

9: SVEN-OLE "SVEN" THORSEN (almost) getting an Oscar-nomination with the performance of his life! His acting in this movie is some of the best I've ever seen him do, although you can tell that he's clearly trying to rip off his old friend Arnold Schwarzenegger, to little avail. I still think he's cool though, he's the best thing that has come out of Denmark since Hans Christian Andersen. Check him out in 'The Viking Sagas' if you want to see a totally different, but almost equally big Thorsen-role - although a lot more serious. But his dialogue in this movie is the best I've ever seen/heard from him, highly recommended for all Sven-Ole fans out there (I know we are a few, I am not alone!) I thought it was pretty weak that he was credited as "Sven Ole-Thorsen" in the movies end credits, which just is another piece of evidence that this movie was sloppily made by lazy people who didn't bother to do a proper job of editing! Thorsen should follow Arnold and Jesse's footsteps and become governor of some state, which would probably make this movie more famous. Or perhaps even prime minister of Denmark.. that would seriously rock!

10: The Abundance of Product Placement (more like Product Disgracement), especially by Pepsi Cola. Even though the movie supposedly was sponsored by the Coca-Cola Company? Maybe that's why Secundus destroys a bunch of Pepsi's.

I'd love to see a remake of this someday, or at least a new 'Directors Cut' with all the minor flaws corrected, and perhaps some additional footage! But what can I do but fantasize, this movie will never get it's due by others than hardcore bad movie trash-fanatics. (But we still buy the DVD's, so they better make a De Luxe version of 'Abraxas' soon!)

ALL HAIL SECUNDUS! (or he will "krosh your skollz")

throwaway for Saturday afternoons

[winner55 · 6/10 · 18 November 2006]

the big question is, as professional wrestlers go, does Jesse "the Body" Ventura make a better actor than governor of a mid-West state with economic troubles? And the answer is: No.

Whew! for a minute there, I thought we were going to have problems.

Except for the Body himself, the acting in this film is pretty good, and the script and direction indicate that there is a real vision here, and that the writer-director has some talent worth developing. The scene in the burning warehouse where the young boy is being tracked down by the bad-guy is genuinely scary.

However, the low budget prevented this film from reaching any potential - beyond that of an enjoyable throwaway for Saturday afternoons when the weather's ho-hum and you're looking for some excuse not to mow the lawn. but on that level, as forgettable filler, it's not so bad.

Hilarious

[phonyjoe · 1/10 · 19 June 2003]

This film is so awful - anyone with a good sense of humor MUST see it. I laughed more in this movie than any intentional comedy I've seen in years. Atrocious dialogue. Strange, creepy scenarios featuring Jesse Ventura and a mute little boy that were supposed to be emotional and touching but seemed to accidentally imply some kind of molestation. Random lines about the "comater" and the "anti-life equation," which are never explained. Attempted humor that is so not funny it's hilarious. Extremely painful soundtrack. A desperate Jim Belushi cameo with a progression of dialogue that ends up making no sense.

Everyone must see this movie. Show your friends. Besides Joseph Merhi's "Mayhem," this is the funniest terrible movie I've ever seen.

Not Much Action For An Action Film

[Rainey-Dawn · 1/10 · 14 November 2016]

Most of the time action films are overrun with way too much action for my tastes but this film doesn't have a lot of action - it's more or less a lot of talk. I tried watching this movie - about the first 10 minutes of it then hit the fast-forward button to watch it that way... and all I really saw was a bunch of talk that looked as boring as what I did see. I'm sorry but the beginning of the film bored me to tears that's why I hit the fast-forward button.

This is another film I got from the Sci-Fi Invasion 50-Pack and another I'll add to my Garbage Film List. I'm not big on action films, there are a handful of them I like just fine, but the bulk of action films I'm not overly fond of - this film is one of them.

1/10

THIS IS THE ONLY FILM YOU SHOULD VIEW!

[nukie · 6 October 1998]

Wow, this film is good! Jesse the Body! Space! Aliens punching and kicking! Boy! I have no idea what is happening at any point in this film! At one point Abraxas removes his shirt and tells a small boy a tender story! I hated that part! And Abraxas also sticks his head out of a lake and yells for forty five minutes! What else happens? Oh yeah, he like gets out of a car and says he has to find the bad guy, and it's so funny but it's really hard to explain why. Sorry, I'm not doing a very good job. But see this movie! Please!

Movies don't get any worse than this.

[Cinemaniac1984 · 1/10 · 3 March 2015]

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe feels like the entire movie was written by a child for a primary school assignment. The entire movie resembles something that was made up by a child. I probably could have written this for a short story for a school assignment in school and get a good mark. How this was made into a movie I'll never know. I don't know where to start on how bad this movie is. From the nonsensical and unintentionally laughably pathetic dialogue, rubbish action sequences, woeful explosions, and poor attempts at violence. I was shocked to see James Belushi pop up in a cameo as an incompetent school principal, most likely done as a favour for someone.

Jesse Ventura (Predator, The Running Man) plays an intergalactic police officer named Abraxas who has been sent back to Earth to stop a rogue alien named Secundus played by Sven-Ole Thorsen (well known character actor who has appeared in Conan The Barbarian, Lethal Weapon, The Running Man, Red Heat among others). Secundus is looking for a woman on Earth to impregnate so she can bear his child to carry on his legacy.

Where have I seen this before??? Oh yes, this is a low grade rip off of Arnold Schwarzenegger's classic sci-fi movie The Terminator (1984). Even so, this movie miserably fails.

Look no further than the atrocious dialogue present throughout the movie and you get the idea on how bad this movie is. Referring to a box containing "VD" - Vibrational Detection. That is laughable. But wait, there's more. "T-squared", "Volted", "Pla-Steel", "Comater", "Answer Box" and "Anti-life equation". Wow, sounds like these words have been plucked out of a Maths class. I'm still scratching my head here. Are you sure this story wasn't derived from a Primary School assignment? There are so many plot holes throughout the movie as well. Characters that just disappear and serve no purpose throughout the movie? Rookie error. Small town Deputy Sheriff officers carrying Uzi's in their patrol car as well as outdated .38 Revolvers?! No way! Besides, these two deputies are nothing more than a pair of hapless, dim-witted clowns that couldn't catch a cold.

Jesse Ventura and Sven-Ole Thorsen both share the distinction of appearing with Arnold Schwarzenegger in numerous movies throughout the 1980's. Both actors also shared the screen along with Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator (1987) and The Running Man (1987). Fellas, you are great in small roles and character actors respectively, but you will never be in the same league as Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Unless you want to have a good laugh at how pathetic this movie is, go ahead and watch it. But this will be 90 minutes that you will never get back. Alternatively, just find all copies of this movie and blast it into outer space.

1/10.

Worst Movie Ever!

[BobbyAz16 · 1/10 · 7 December 2008]

I have never seen a worst movie in my life. There is no redeeming quality what so ever in this "film" (I use the word loosely). The acting is that of a grade school play and the writing is not far behind. The plot is beyond terrible, an eleven thousand year old universe cop has to track down his partner who switched sides (not even really clear what the "other" side is). For the love of god please do not waste 90 minutes of your life on this, I would have rather been stuck in front of a TV with Battlefield Earth replaying for the rest of my life than have suffered through this piece of crap. We can only pray that at some point all DVDs and VHS tapes of this disaster will be rounded up and burned so that no one else will have to endure this mind numbing thing they call a movie.

having sum fun now

[newshound99 · 3/10 · 15 September 2007]

This is the only say I have; my friends mostly don't know of this film and neither does society. My origin is Minneapolis, Minnesota (where Jesse was elected governor) so we (I think I voted his way as well) elected Jesse as governor to shake up the establishment-- but that's not what this movie is about, no sir-- it is political in that Mr. Ventura's debut on screen has more to do with the future than with his pending fate with the political arena of which he's been criticized, praised, laughed at and extolled-- independent? maybe in 200 years !!! ahem, which state will allow the politics of ABRAXAS? And so the politics are there but so far removed from this century... Anyhow, this is not about politics. It's about living and love and aliens and saving grace and keeping our race alive, underneath its cheesy, clichéd and under-budgeted tactics. This film is quite conservative at its core; a few scenes make me want to speak out and say wow-- yes even a quick comment on this B-grade (actually would receive an perfunctory F -- meaning cursory? as the trap the best of the erudite often fall into -- in cinema repertoire as looked at by the academy and its ilk, but hey i'm not blue blood not ivy league not prone to programming the masses in a particular way so as to curb their affection and/or interest...) movie is relevant in that we are facing this type of transformation in society at large-- art imitates life, at least here-- and Jesse does a commendable job of saying what not too many of us can even express, let alone volunteer and get paid very little to exemplify. What planet is Jesse from? Hell, it's a coin-toss, the answer lies in the state of the union address, the statue of liberty and the eye of the hurricane... I am just grooving on this near-futile attempt to educate the ones who might not otherwise have the opportunity to learn-- like me. We are all deficient, we are all brilliant, we are all here to help bring about the everlasting luminescence on this planet before it's too late... Anyone care to: rewrite what was lost in translation and production? BEDLAM BLISS IS AS FRIENDLY AS IT'S GALANT & MUTABLE. God bless.

"Run Tommy RUUUUUNNN!"

[tarbosh22000 · 5/10 · 7 March 2011]

Jesse Ventura, at a point in his career when his nickname was transitioning from "The Body" to "The Mind" and he had yet to go off the rails as a batty conspiracy theorist, plays Abraxas, an 11, 862 year old Finder. What's a Finder you ask? Well, they are the "cops of the universe" - alien beings sent around the galaxy to police things. When the evil Secundas impregnates Sonia Murray (Bransfield) with a child, Tommy (Mitchell), with the goal of obtaining the "anti-life equation", Abraxas' superiors tell him to eliminate them. But Abraxas develops feelings for the woman and boy so he decides to battle Secundas instead. This all occurs in a small "New York" town , Thornbury (actually in Ontario, Canada) patrolled by two cops, one of which has an inexplicable Uzi. Will Abraxas prevail? Or will the world be destroyed? The plot is lifted wholesale from The Terminator (1984), and the bleak direction by director Lee and reminders of American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993) are the least of this movie's problems. Abraxas is a really funny movie, as the two meatheads battle it out for the "Komader" (?) and there are many nonsensical moments and hilarious line readings. The most memorable occurs when Abraxas intones "Run Tommy RUUUUUNNN!" and the disturbing moment when Tommy enters his bedroom only to find, with zero setup, a shirtless Ventura in his bed saying "Want me to read you a story?" All this is overseen by what we called "The Exposition Brothers" - Abraxas' commanders Hite (Levitan) and Dar (Lee) who stand in one position and explain plot points.

Interestingly, James Belushi REPRISES his role as Principal Latimer from The Principal! According to IMDb, he did this cameo as a favor to his then-wife Bransfield. Wait. He's supposed to be the same guy? That's just odd. Despite his brief screen time, his face is featured prominently on the back of the Prism VHS box.

Tommy and his fellow kid actors are amusing, Ventura looks ridiculous wearing ill-fitting sweatshirts and World Gym attire as he talks into his bracelet, and the role of Secundas should have been played by Schwarzenegger, but perhaps that would be a bit too on the nose. But did they have to remind viewers of the similarities by hiring a man with a similar accent? Still, this is Thorsen's crowning achievement, much better than as Darcona in Lee's Fatal Combat (1997). Add to the fact that the whole movie is like a sci-fi version of Maury ("you ARE the father!!!") and the fact that Abraxas is not, technically, the "guardian of the universe" as is claimed, and top it all off with some truly cheesy FX, and you have an entertaining night of VHS fun.

Silly in every way imaginable, it's hard to imagine the filmmakers not realizing how funny this was as they were making it. Luckily it's out there for the world to see so we advise you to check it out.

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Very bad indeed

[Leofwine_draca · 3/10 · 23 March 2018]

ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE is a completely cheesy B-movie version of THE TERMINATOR, made with a tongue so far in cheek that it's at risk of being swallowed. It's poorly shot and stupidly made on a tiny budget, shot in darkness for the most part to hide the paucity of it all. A cameo from James Belushi is about as mainstream as it gets. Don't expect much in the way of action or effects as the budget doesn't really stretch that far. Man-mountain Sven-Ole Thorsen does his best Schwarzenegger impression as a renegade alien who arrives on Earth and impregnates a woman, setting a path of destruction in order. He's the least imposing bad guy ever. Jesse Ventura, complete with awful bald hair cut, is the ultra-wooden hero. It's really not worth your time.

Jesse as an alien

[BandSAboutMovies · 2/10 · 15 May 2020]

Writer and director Damian Lee also did Ski School, which I assume preps you for making science fiction action movies starring two of Arnold's pals, Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Sven-Ole Thorsen. Plus, best of all - no, actually best doesn't apply here - Jim Belushi shows up.

Abraxas (Ventura) and Secundus (Thorsen) are Space Cops called Finders who live for thousands of years and use an Answer Box to scan and communicate in the field. It's also a weapon, as if a subject doesn't contain the Anti-Life Equation, they are disintegrated.

If you just read that and got angry that Jack Kirby's concepts were ripped off for this movie, good news. For me, at least. Because I thought I was going crazy.

Secundus goes bad, because he wants to live forever and needs to figure out that Anti-Life Equation to do so. His plan? Knock up the first woman he finds by rubbing his hand over her belly. That woman is Sonia Murray (Marjorie Bransfield, who was married to Belushi at the time, so that explains that) and she has a baby named Tommy in seconds. But Tommy is going to grow up to be the Culminator and solve that equation. Abraxas is supposed to kill the child and the mother, but he's too nice and let's her live. Her parents get mad that she had a baby and toss her out into the streets, except that you know, she somehow got pregnant and had the child in the very same day.

Five years later, Tommy is a mute child with superpowers. Well, his one power is the ability to make bullies piss their pants. So I guess that's a power. And his principal at school is Jim Belushi, who brings back his role of Rick Latimer because we all demanded that. You know, I give Jim a lot of guff and the dude voted for Obama and has a pop-up cannabis shop, so maybe he's not as bad as I've been led to believe.

So Bad It's Legendary

[kid_Green · 10/10 · 29 March 2008]

During the decline of the VHS, I used to troll Dollar store movie bins and snap up every piece of crap movie I could find. Abraxas is up there in my worst movies collection along with The Elimnators and Frasier the Sensual Lion (or Frasier the Friendly Lion, the title on the box doesn't match the title in the film).

Abraxas has some of the most awkward scenes and dialogue of any film ever made. I find it extremely comforting to know that I am not the only person here changed by that amazing scene where Jesse the Body Ventura tries to bond with the alien hybrid child but, to the viewers horrified amazement, seems to be coming on to him.

This film is an absolute trainwreck and every car is spewing laughing gas.

He ain't got time to have hair or moustache in this one!

[Bezenby · 6/10 · 30 December 2016]

Man, what was the budget on this film? Must have been close to nothing, as not much happens beside Jesse Ventura slugging it out with former England manager Sven Oren Erickson in a wintery landscape with the odd bit of input by the locals or those other two guys in space. This should be the most boring film ever! But it's not! Jesse plays Abraxas, which would be a great name for a toilet cleaner! Here he's an intergalactic cop out to get Sven "I gots to shoot some steroids" Olsen from the Running Man as this guy has impregnated an Earth chick with a Cormator that knows the anti-life formula. Whatever that means. To be honest, it's all the crap these actors have to spew that makes the film so entertaining.

Jesse's box has VD, for instance. I cannot go on and spoil all the bewildering one liners this film has to offer, because beyond that you have an ultra cheap sci-fi film with terrible punch ups and not much else. Forget all that and stay for the insane dialogue! It gets funnier as it goes on (and once you realise you are not going to get anything exciting bar two guys duking it out in the snow).

Sub-par Terminator Rip-off

[charlieoso · 3/10 · 26 November 2018]

Obviously writer/director Damian Lee really enjoyed James Cameron's THE TERMINATOR. Here, he spins the story of an alien cop named Abraxas played by ex-wrestler and ex-Governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura. Abraxas is on the trail of his old partner Secundus (Danish bodybuilder Sven-Ole Thorsen) who is looking for a mating partner...here on Earth. Abraxas returns later to try and save the child named Tommy from his evil father. Reason why he is doing all this? Because the kid has the anti-life equation. Hmmm. Okay. Tommy plays like Carrie or Eleven from STRANGER THINGS. Problem is he doesn't use his powers very much and that side of the film was under-utilized or under-written. The film also has very little build up to everything happening, which THE TERMINATOR did, but in its case it was successful in doing so, this movie should have had a backstory of the characters like say 5-10 minutes. I think that may have worked better. Sadly, that is not the only thing going wrong for this movie. It becomes silly and mixed with bad effects. It is cool though that there is more than one narrator of the movie, but the narration plays out almost like the narration from the theatrical version of BLADE RUNNER. Not really needed other than in telling us about himself at the very beginning of the movie. The movie takes place during Christmas, so its a Christmas movie. Thing is it is more like a Christmas turkey.

Side note: Was filmed in Thornbury, Ontario which is just less than an hour down the road from where I live.