G.B.H. (1991)

Michael Palin: Jim Nelson

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Jim Nelson is addressing a public meeting. Michael Murray is on the platform, looking uncomfortable at Jim's speech] 

  Jim Nelson : Here we all are, living under the most reactionary democratically-elected government we've ever known, in a Labour-controlled city, where all animals are equal but some *councillors* are more equal than others. Where too often, lions are led by donkey-jackets. Living proof that the further left you go, the more right-wing you become.

• [Dr Jacobs has summoned Jim Nelson for an emergency consultation. In the consultation room, he starts to undress in front of Nelson] 

  Jim Nelson : [looking worried]  I should say right away, Dr Jacobs, that when I was eleven years old, a science teacher at my grammar school tried to seduce me one dinner time when I had taken a meal up to his room.

  Dr. Jacobs : [chuckles]  You're so very prim.

  Jim Nelson : It was awful, Doctor. He turned round and he had a Crunchie Bar in one hand and his penis in the other. The door was locked. You've no idea how scared and surprised I was. He had a wife and children. He took the Second XV rugby team. He was a man. I only escaped after I threw the cheese flan at him - and the plate as well.

  [Dr Jacobs continues chuckling helplessly; he has now undressed to his underpants and shirt] 

  Jim Nelson : No! Please, don't take your shirt off. This is terrible: I'd no idea. I'm sure all of us are, to a greater or lesser degree, homosexual. But since that time in the science room, I'm afraid, Dr Jacobs, I'm frigid with men. It's nothing to snigger about. Equally I've never been able to eat a cheese flan or a Crunchie Bar ever since.

• Jim Nelson : How can I be this strong - and tonight I'll be washing my feet in the sink?

• Jim Nelson : Don't ever use that word to me. Don't ever, ever claim that what you're doing, Murray, has anything at all to do with socialism.

• Jim Nelson : THESE kids have emotional problems.

  Michael Murray : Well, it takes one to teach one.

• Michael Murray : Jim, isn't it?

  Jim Nelson : [warily]  To some, not all.

  Michael Murray : Pleased to meet you.

  [Michael Murray holds out his hand for Jim Nelson to shake it, but Jim Nelson pointedly puts his hands in his pockets instead] 

  Jim Nelson : This is a school. You're not a member of this school. I'd like you to leave.

  Michael Murray : Oh. come on, Jim. You know who I am.

  Jim Nelson : Wouldn't interest me if you were Bishop Tutu, wearing one.