Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Elias Koteas: Casey Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• Donatello : You're a claustrophobic.

  Casey Jones : You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy before.

• Thug : [of Raph]  What the hell was that?

  Thug : I - I don't know.

  Casey Jones : [jumps down next to them]  Now *that*, was a crime, you purse-grabbing pukes. And *this* is the penalty.

  [knocks them over with his hockey stick] 

  Casey Jones : Two minutes for slashing...

  [does it again] 

  Casey Jones : Two minutes for hooking...

  [again] 

  Casey Jones : And let's not forget my personal favorite: two minutes for high sticking.

  Raphael : [jumps in and knocks him down]  How about a five-minute game misconduct for roughing, pal?

  Casey Jones : Hey, Bogey... who died and made you referee? You did your job, now get out of here and let me do mine, all right? These JV low lifes need to be taught a lesson.

  Raphael : Not like that they don't. Not from you.

  Casey Jones : [turns to see the thugs running away, turns back]  Well, it looks like you're the one who needs to be taught a lesson, pal.

  [pulls out two ball bats] 

  Casey Jones : The class is Pain 101. Your instructor is Casey Jones.

  Raphael : Look, I don't wanna fight you.

  Casey Jones : Yeah, well, tough rocks, pal.

• Splinter : Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be...

  [Shredder throws a hidden knife; Splinter catches it, releasing the spear and letting Shredder fall from the building and land in the back of a garbage truck] 

  Splinter : ...Without honor.

  Casey Jones : Oops!

  [Casey Jones pulls the lever of the garbage truck and activates its compactor] 

• April O'Neil : Oh, Casey, hi.

  Casey Jones : Hi? I look like I just called Mike Tyson a sissy and all you can say is "Hi"?

  April O'Neil : You don't need an ambulance, do you?

  Casey Jones : No, but...

  April O'Neil : Just shut up and kiss me, OK? I got a report to do.

  Casey Jones : I love it when you're pushy.

  April O'Neil : Yeah?

  [they kiss] 

• [hurling insults in alphabetical order] 

  Casey Jones : Not even close, Zip Neck. Professor and Mary Anne. Happily ever after.

  Donatello : No way, Atomic Mouth, Gilligan was her main man. They'd be married and have six kids by now.

  Casey Jones : Gilligan was a geek, Barfaroni!

  Donatello : You're the geek, Camel Breath!

  Casey Jones : Dome head.

  Donatello : Elf lips!

  [Casey finishes fixing the engine] 

  Casey Jones : Okay, let's see if this transplant worked, fungoid!

  Donatello : Here it goes... What are we on?

  Casey Jones : Uh, G.

  Donatello : Here it goes, gack face!

  Casey Jones : I'm ready, hose brain!

• [Tatsu does his grunt as Casey immediately notices Tatsu, he tries to mimic his grunt in a playful way] 

  Casey Jones : Uh, you know... A little um...

  [acting like he is spraying something in his mouth] 

  Casey Jones : Primatene might just help to clear that up there.

  [Tatsu gave Casey a striaght punch towards his face, knocking him to the floor. As Casey gets up] 

  Casey Jones : That's going to cost you, Tinkerbell.

  [Tatsu gave Casey a left hook to Casey's face, knocking to the floor again. As Casey gets up] 

  Casey Jones : You know, I don't think that you're listening.

  [Tatsu kicks Casey, launching him to the air and crashing into the crates. Casey tries to get up after the injuries he sustained from Tatsu] 

  Casey Jones : You know, I'm starting to pick up... on a little language barrier thing going here.

  [Tatsu kicks Casey in the crotch, then a left roundhouse kick to his face, and then a left hook to his face, knocking him to floor with the injuries he sustained from Tatsu's attack. Casey, who is injured manages to reach for a golf club and as Tatsu approaches him, Casy struck Tatsu in the stomach with his golf club. As Tatsu aches in extreme pain] 

  Casey Jones : Fore!

  [Casey strikes Tatsu like a golf ball, sending him flying towards the wall with crates, knocking him out] 

  Casey Jones : [kisses the golf club]  I'll never call golf a dull game again.

• April O'Neil : My nearest neighbors are about four miles away. I need to get to a phone and call my boss.

  Casey Jones : You mean Charles?

  April O'Neil : Yes; how did you know that?

  Casey Jones : He left a message on your machine, uh, just before we got out...

  April O'Neil : And?

  Casey Jones : Well, hey, you just saved yourself an eight-mile round-tripper. Um... You were fired.

  April O'Neil : I just saved myself?

  Casey Jones : [oblivious to the dark tone]  Mm-hm.

  Donatello , Michaelangelo : Uh-oh.

  April O'Neil : What did you do? Did you take classes in insensitivity?

  Casey Jones : I was just trying to break it to you easy.

  April O'Neil : Oh, well you FAILED miserably...

  Casey Jones : Hey, broadzilla, you wouldn't even be standin' here if it weren't for me, okay?

  April O'Neil : Oh, well what do you want? You want a thank you?

  Casey Jones : ...No. It's me who should thank you for that privilege, right?

  April O'Neil : Fine!

  Casey Jones : Yeah.

  April O'Neil : Thank you.

  Casey Jones : No, thank YOU!

  April O'Neil : You're welcome!

  Casey Jones : YOU'RE welcome!

  [they go into two separate rooms and slam the doors] 

  Donatello : Gosh, it's kinda like Moonlighting, isn't it?

  [Michaelangelo nods] 

• Casey Jones : [Raph's hat has come off, revealing his face]  Hey, what are you, some sort of punker?

  Raphael : Huh?

  Casey Jones : [baiting]  God, I hate punkers... Especially bald ones with green make-up who wear... masks over ugly faces.

  Raphael : That's it.

  Casey Jones : [as Raph lunges]  Ooh.

  Raphael : New batter!

  [Raph swings at Casey with the bat & missed] 

  Casey Jones : Strike one!

  [Raph swings again and misses] 

  Casey Jones : What a wiffer!

  [Raph jumps over Casey & hits him with the bat] 

  Raphael : Home run! Raphael wins 1-nothing!

  Casey Jones : New game, round head.

  [reaches behind and grabs a Cricket bat] 

  Casey Jones : Cricket!

  Raphael : Cricket? Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!

  Casey Jones : I'll show ya!

  [hits Raphael with the bat] 

• Casey Jones : Lead the way, Toots.

  April O'Neil : "Toots"?

  Casey Jones : Babe? Sweetcakes? Ah - Princess! You wanna throw me a clue here? I'm drowning.

  April O'Neil : Hey, you know what, that's okay. I'll do it myself.

  Casey Jones : Fine, it's up to you. Just don't come around here asking for my help anymore.

  April O'Neil : Casey, I wouldn't ask for your help if you were the last THING on the face of this planet.

  Casey Jones : At least I know she thinks of me...

  [Casey sprawls out on the porch swing; it breaks and he falls on it to the ground] 

• Casey Jones : [about April's farmhouse]  Hey, didn't they use this place in The Grapes of Wrath?

  April O'Neil : Very funny. I told you, I haven't been up here in years.

• Casey Jones : This is great. First it was The Farm That Time Forgot and now this. Why don't I ever fall in with people who own condos? Probably hard to get good maid service in a sewer. Maybe you guys should try Roto Rooter, huh?

• Charles : [on the answering machine dangling from its wire]  April, it's Charles... I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say this: You're fired, April. I'm sorry... I know this comes as a blow.

  [the wire burns off and the machine falls, hitting a Foot Soldier over the head] 

  Casey Jones : You can say that again, Chuck.

• Gang Leader : We have a loyalty to the Shredder.

  Splinter : The Shredder uses you. He poisons your minds to obtains for that which he desires. He cares nothing for you or the people you hurt.

  Gang Leader : We're family.

  Casey Jones : Family? Did you say family? You call this here and that...

  [points to Tatsu, who he just knocked out] 

  Casey Jones : ...down there, family?

• Splinter : Who are you?

  Casey Jones : Casey Jones, a friend.

• Casey Jones : [to the Foot soldiers of Raph]  You guys mind telling me what you're doing to my little green pal over there, hm?

  [sees April] 

  Casey Jones : Oh, who is the babe?

  Leonardo : Who the heck is that?

  Michaelangelo : Wayne Gretzky on steroids?

• Gang Leader : What are we just standing here for? Let's get him!

  Casey Jones : [brandishing golf club]  Do you wanna be first, Junior?

• Casey Jones : [sighs after knocking out two Foot Soldiers in rapid succession]  It's a talent.

• April O'Neil : [April's voice on outgoing message; answering machine dangles through a hole in the ceiling by a burning cord]  Hi, this is April. Leave a message after the beep.

  Casey Jones : What?

  Charles : [leaving a message]  April, it's Charles. I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say this. You're fired, April. I'm sorry. I know this comes as a blow.

  [the cord snaps and the answering machine drops on a Foot ninja's head, knocking him out] 

  Casey Jones : You can say that again, Chuck.

• Casey Jones : Oh. You guys mind telling me what you're doing to my little green pal over there? Mm? Oh, who is the babe?

  Leonardo : Who the heck is that?

  Michaelangelo : Wayne Gretzky on steroids?

• Head Thug : What are we just standing here for? Let's get him.

  Casey Jones : [brandishing golf club]  Do you want to be first, junior, huh?

  Head Thug : We have a loyalty to the Shredder.

  Splinter : The Shredder uses you. He poisons your minds to obtain that which he desires. He cares nothing for you or the people you hurt.

  Head Thug : We're a family.

  Casey Jones : Family? Is that what you said? Family?

  [gestures around the room and then to a fallen Tatsu] 

  Casey Jones : You call this here...... and that down there, family?