American Playhouse (TV Series)
Into the Woods (1991)
Joanna Gleason: Baker's Wife
Photos
Quotes
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Jack's Mother : Children can be very queer about their animals. You be careful with your children.
The Bakers Wife : [mournfully] I have no children.
Jack's Mother : That's okay too.
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The Bakers Wife : You may know what you need, but to get what you want, better see that you keep what you have.
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[a giant is running around the kingdom]
Witch : [to the baker and his wife] With a giant, We all have to go to battle! A giant's the worst! A giant has a brain. Hard to outwit a giant. A giant's just like us, only bigger. Much, much bigger! So big that we are just an expendable
[sees a bug on the floor]
Witch : bug, beneath it's feet.
[steps on the bug and cruelly drives her foot into it]
Witch : Boom! Crush!
[eats the bug and leaves]
The Bakers Wife : We are moving!
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The Bakers Wife : Please! I need your shoe to have a child!
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The Bakers Wife : Oh if life were made of moments, even now and then a bad one, but if life were made of moments then you'd never know you'd had one.
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The Bakers Wife : She went that way. I... I was trying to hold her here for you, but...
Cinderella's Prince : I can capture my own damsel, thank you.
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Cinderella's Prince : [Prince is "looking" for the giant, and the Baker's Wife is looking for Jack] Anything can happen in the woods... May I kiss you?
[Baker's Wife gasps]
Cinderella's Prince : Any moment we could be crushed!
The Bakers Wife : Uh...
Cinderella's Prince : Don't feel rushed.
[He kisses her, she pulls away for just a moment to look at the audience]
The Bakers Wife : This is ridicuous, what am I doing here, I'm in the wrong story!
[goes back to kiss him again]
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The Baker : [trying to guess what destroyed the witch's garden] Do you think it was a bear?
Witch : A bear? No, bears are sweet! Besides, you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?
The Bakers Wife : A dragon?
Witch : No scorch marks. Usually they're linked.
The Baker : Manticore?
Witch : Imaginary!
The Bakers Wife : Gryphon?
Witch : Extinct.
The Baker : Giant?
Witch : [pauses] Possible. Very, very possible.
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The Bakers Wife : ...You have a princess.
Cinderella's Prince : Yes.
The Bakers Wife : And I... I have a... a baker.
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Witch : My mother warned me that I'd be severely punished if I were to lose any of the beans!
The Bakers Wife , The Baker : Beans?
Witch : The special beans! I let him go, I didn't know he'd stolen my beans! I was watching him crawl back over the wall when BANG! CRASH! The lighting flashed! And... well, that's another story, nevermind.
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Steward : We must be gone if we're to arrive before nightfall.
The Baker : Where are you going?
Lucinda : We're off to a hidden kingdom.
Cinderella's Stepmother : Shhh. We can't take everyone.
Witch : Fools! There is nowhere to hide!
The Baker : You'll never get there. We have to stay and find our way out of this together.
Cinderella's Stepmother : Some people are cut out to battle Giants, and others are not. I don't have the constitution. And as long as I can be of no help, I'm going to hide. Everything will work out fine in the end.
[Cinderella's father, stepmother, stepsisters and the steward exit]
Little Red Riding Hood : I hope the giant steps on them all.
The Bakers Wife : You shouldn't say that!
Witch : You were thinking the same thing.
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[upon seeing his wife in the woods, after he has forbidden it]
The Baker : What are you doing here now?
The Bakers Wife : [ignoring him] I see you've the red cape!
The Baker : Yes! Yes, I've the cape! I've only two items left to locate!
The Bakers Wife : Three!
The Baker : Two! I've the cow and the cape!
The Bakers Wife : [triumphantly] You've the cape!
[her smile fades, as she has lost the cow...]
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The Baker , The Bakers Wife , Cinderella's Mother , Florinda , Lucinda , Jack , Jack's Mother : Wishes may bring problems, such that you regret them, better that though than to never get them.
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The Bakers Wife : If the end is right it justifies the beans.