The Crystal Maze (1990–2020)
Richard O'Brien: Self - Presenter, Computer, Self
Photos
Quotes
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : Will you start the fans, please!
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[Aztec Zone, physical game, time is running out and contestant Lorraine has to walk back over a slippery, revolving wooden beam above a pool of water]
Richard O'Brien : 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...
[Lorraine slips and falls hard onto the beam and then into the water]
Richard O'Brien : Oh dear - 1, zero. I'm sorry...
[he locks Lorraine in]
Jane - Contestant : No! You horrible man!
Richard O'Brien : [talking over Jane's protestations] I know. I know I'm a horrible man. I know, I know I'm horrible, but so what?
Jane - Contestant : She was almost out of the door!
Richard O'Brien : She was in the water more than she was out of the door.
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[Futuristic Zone - contestant Richard has managed to complete a jigsaw puzzle with "U3" on it. He has 2 whole minutes left, but he can't work out to do next]
The Computer : Press U3.
Richard O'Brien : Thank you, computer. Very kind of you. That's more than they deserve! Much more than they deserve. You have a very nice nature. Very nice nature.
Nicolas - Team Captain : Richard, go to the board and press U3. U3.
[Richard the contestant stands in front of a board with lots of squares each containing a letter and a number and a button. But he can't spot the one with "U3"]
Nicolas - Team Captain : U for uncle.
Richard O'Brien : [shouting] Can you hear them out here? They're giving you advice, Ricardo!
Richard - Contestant : Yeah, I can't hear them very well!
Richard O'Brien : Well, go to the grid on the wall and press U3 is what they're saying!
[the contestant keeps looking at the board but can't find U3]
Nicolas - Team Captain : Go to the grid on the board and can you see U3 on the board? Richard, speak to me.
Tony - Team Member : On the wall.
Richard O'Brien : ON THE WALL! ON THE WALL!
Tony - Team Member : On the wall, Richard, U3.
Richard O'Brien : [to the camera] Up the wall!
[the other team members keep shouting the same instructions but the contestant still can't find U3]
Richard O'Brien : Can't you see a grid of numbers in front of you on the wall, Richard?
Richard - Contestant : Yeah!
Team Members : [all shouting together] PRESS U3!
[they keep shouting at him but he gives up and heads to the door]
Richard - Contestant : I can't see it!
Richard O'Brien : YOU CAN'T SEE IT? YOU CAN'T SEE IT? He wants to come out, he wants to come out. Let him come out.
[the door opens]
Richard O'Brien : [grabbing Richard's hand and leading him back to the board] Come with me! Come with me! Look, look, look, look, look, look! U3!
[he points out where U3 is and presses the button]
Richard O'Brien : OK. Then we go up 3, 1-2-3.
[he presses D4]
Richard O'Brien : Oh, down 4! 1-2-3-4!
[he press L2]
Richard O'Brien : Oh, now we go left 2! Let's get the hell out of here!
[he runs out of the room and the contestant follows him]
Richard - Contestant : I didn't have a clue!
Richard O'Brien : You're telling us?
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : Tooo the Crystal Dome!
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Richard O'Brien : [to a team doing very badly] I think you chaps have a fairy's chance in Alcatraz.
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Richard O'Brien : If I hear a "go for it" that's a yellow card.
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : That's the idea!
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : You're making very heavy weather of this.
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : You've gotta get your skates on.
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : You're wasting time!
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[repeated line]
Richard O'Brien : Time is just tickin' away.
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Team captain : [after a female contestant loses the 1st game] Well done, brilliant. Brilliant. That was good.
Richard O'Brien : That was not brilliant at all... I've gotta say that was not brilliant, that was absolutely appalling, Lucy!
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Richard O'Brien : Oh, not high-fives. I hate high-fives.
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Richard O'Brien : What are you going to do?
James - Team Captain : [an enthusiastic American] Physical.
Richard O'Brien : And who's to play?
James - Team Captain : I'll take it.
Gary - Team Member : Captain Bozo!
James - Team Captain : That's *Captain* Bozo, yes.
Richard O'Brien : You want to play a physical game, do you?
James - Team Captain : Yes, please.
[Richard does an evil laugh and runs to the door to the next game]
James - Team Captain : Yeah, lead on, MacDuff.
