See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989)

Gene Wilder: Dave

Photos 

66 more photos

Quotes 

• Dave : Don't we get a last request?

  Eve : What would you like?

  Dave : Would you scratch my nose for me?

  [Eve scratches his nose with a coin and then kisses him] 

  Dave : You're a very sick woman.

  Eve : Thank you. Mr Karew, what would you you like?

  Wally : I suppose a fuck is out of the question.

  Eve : I'm afraid so.

• Dave : Today I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection.

• Capt. Braddock : Okay, no more bullshit...

  Capt. Braddock : [to Dave, talking fast]  Was there or wasn't there a woman?

  Dave : Are you serious?

  Capt. Braddock : Yes, I'm goddamn serious.

  Dave : Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?

  Capt. Braddock : What the hell is he taking about?

  Wally : He reads lips. You're talking too fast.

  Capt. Braddock : [to Dave, talking slowly]  Was there... a wom-an... pres-ent?

  Dave : [to Capt. Braddock, talking slowly]  Yes. There was... a wom-an... pres-ent.

  Capt. Braddock : Why is he talking like that?

  Wally : [to Capt. Braddock, talking slowly]  Because he's deaf... not stu-pid.

• Dave : Did she say ship, or shit?

• Dave : [impersonating a European doctor]  Tell me the first thing that pops into your brain.

  Wally : Pussy!

  Dave : It's amazing! This man is cured!

• [Dave doesn't hold up any fingers] 

  Dave : How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?

  Wally : Three!

  Dave : That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind.

• Dave : Wally! He could put a hole through your *head*, Wally!

  Wally : *Fuck* him and his holes!

• Mitzie : [Dave and Wally are booking in at a hotel under false identities]  Dr. Kesselring, we thought you might not make it. It says you had some trouble with your visa?

  Dave : [faking a German accent]  Yes, and zen suddenly dey accepted American Express. Go figure.

  Wally : We don't go home without it.

• Dave : You swear an awful lot.

  Wally : You're fucking-A right!

• Dave : [Wally is driving a stolen police car because Dave's hands are cuffed behind him]  Don't look at me, look at the road!

  Wally : [Shrugs and turns his head back toward the road]  All right, if it'll make you feel better.

• Dave : And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broomstick and take off. She could actually achieve flight.

  Wally : I think I was married to that woman once.

  Dave : Small world.

• Wally : Where are we?

  Dave : Probably on our way to New Jersey by now.

  Wally : No kidding! I got family in there! Do you wanna come with me?

  Dave : Of course. You've earned my trust, Wally. You've been a very good friend to me these past couple days. You're always there for me. You never get me into trouble. Sometimes it seems a bit boring but that's a small price to pay for such a wonderful friendship.

  Wally : That's beautiful, Dave. Do you mean everything you just said?

  Dave : I'll tell you how I really feel in about a minute or two. Right now I'm a little overwhelmed by the STINK of the seven tons of garbage that you drove us into!

  Wally : Is THAT what it is? I thought you let one go! That's why I didn't say anything!

  Dave : That's very kind of you! Thank you!

• Wally : These streets are bumpy.

  Dave : You're driving on the sidewalk!

• Dave : Who are you talking to?

  Wally : I'm talking to you, you prick.

  Dave : Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?

  Wally : I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.

  Dave : You're blind?

  Wally : Yes I'm blind, what are you, fucking deaf?

  Dave : Yes, I'm fucking deaf!

  Wally : You're really deaf?

  Dave : I'm really deaf.

  Wally : Then how do you know what I'm saying?

  Dave : Because I'm reading your lips, now you want the job or not?

• Dave : We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.

• Reporter : Do you really think you can stop Khomeini?

  Dave : Not if it's funny.

• Dave : I'm not handicapped, I have you.

• Wally : [yelling in Dave's ear]  Shazaam! Can you hear me?

  Dave : Wally! I heard you! I heard your voice!

  Wally : Hooray! You can hear me!

  Dave : What?

  Wally : You can hear me!

  Dave : [shouts]  No, schmuck, I'm deaf! I'm deaf! Now do you get it?

• Dave : Well excusez-moi, monsieur hot shit!

• Adele : I think David got a little messed up.

  Dave : What did she say?

  Wally : She said she thinks you're an asshole!

• Eve : But you see, you're the ones they're looking for. Not me. If I get on that helicopter with the coin, I get out of here squeaky clean.

  Dave : You're too tall for me anyway.

• Dr. Cornfeld : WHO are you, sir?

  Dave : [misreading Cornfeld's lips]  Fine, thank you!

• Dave : [to Raoul]  Stop right there or I'll throw this knife through your head! I mean it! I'll throw your brains out!

  Cop with Bullhorn : [to Raoul]  Freeze!

  Dave : [to Raoul]  That's more like it! Now put your hand up!

  Cop with Bullhorn : [to Raoul]  Put your hands in the air!

  Dave : [to Raoul]  Oh, so you do speak English!

• Dave : Fucking-A. Something bothers you, fuck it. Your wife leaves you, fuck her. Your boss fires you, fuck him. Fucking-A. Fuckin'em. Right?

  Wally : You're fucking right!

  Dave : It's a gift to be able to do that.

• Mitzie : We're out of double rooms. I saved you a suite with two queens.

  Dave : Well, get them fellas out of there! We wanna get some sleep!