Not Quite Human II (1989 TV Movie)

Jay Underwood: Chip Carson

Quotes 

• [the Carsons are discussing something funny that happened earlier that day] 

  Chip : Would it be appropriate to laugh? I've got a new one I'd like to try.

  Jonas : No. Maybe later, okay?

  Becky : Yeah sure, Chip. Go ahead, let's hear your laugh.

  Chip : All right.

  [extremely loud, echoing] 

  Chip : HAAA!

  [everyone in the restaurant stares] 

  Chip : Everyone enjoys a good laugh.

• Jonas : Well, we've done it, we have conquered high school. I say we have a toast.

  Becky : [raising her glass]  To Chip.

  [waiter arrives with a bowl of soup] 

  Waiter : Leek soup.

  [Chip looks down at the floor] 

  Chip : Did I leak soup?

  Becky : No, no, Chip, it's a vegetable.

  Chip : Oh... HAAA!

• Jonas : Now that high school is over, I think it's time to get started on those other projects. Remember the cybernetic accelerator? The sub-zero magnetic force manipulator?

  Chip : But dad, I won't be able to help you.

  Jonas : Why not?

  Chip : Because I'm going to college. I've already been accepted for the summer semester.

  Jonas : What?

  Becky : Oh good, Chip!

  Jonas : No, not great. Not all right, no!

  Chip , Becky : What?

  Becky : Chip, college is just too far away. Too many things could go wrong. You'd be out of my sight completely. What would your life be like if everybody else knew about you?

  Becky : Yeah, but if he lived in a dormitory, he could take care of himself. I mean, c'mon dad, I bet he could do it. All he has to do is...

  Jonas : No, that's it. No, no! I'm sorry, end of discussion.

  Chip : [to Becky]  Should I be angry?

  Becky : I sure would be.

  [Chip immediately sets his face to an angry expression] 

  Waiter : And how is everything?

  Chip : [crossly]  Fine! The soup looks delicious!

• [after their argument about college, Jonas goes into Chip's room to find him staring out the window] 

  Jonas : Chip, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it's got to be and I know you'll understand.

  [no response] 

  Jonas : Chip? Hey, look at it this way, I just care about you too much to let you go. All right? Just too many things could happen. Between you and-

  [Jonas finds a note taped to Chip's chest, he takes it off and reads it] 

  Jonas : Becky!

  Becky : [enters]  Yeah, dad?

  Jonas : "I've turned myself off. Please don't reactivate unless you have further use for me." What am I supposed to do about that?

  Becky : Well, he does this when he's depressed. It's kind of like an escape.

  Jonas : He's not depressed, he can't be. I didn't program depression into him.

  Becky : He's been adding a lot of stuff while you've been too busy to notice. He does get into moods, but I don't think he's actually felt a big emotion yet. How about looking at it like this, okay? It's an even bigger test. Why end with high school? Now he has to fit into a more adult world. Prove Chip can do it in a more dangerous environment. C'mon, dad, it is the ultimate experiment.

  Jonas : Sure and if he go out and finds...

  Becky : Dad.

  Jonas : Becky...

  Becky : Please?

  Jonas : Yes, you have a point. College would be the next logical progression in Chip's development, but it's dangerous.

  [pause] 

  Jonas : He should probably go to college.

  Chip : [suddenly perks up]  Thanks, dad!

• [Chip is learning poker from some guys on the bus] 

  Chip : And now I'm supposed to project what the chances are of identifying the cards in your hands

  Austin : Yeah... sure.

  [Chip's computer brain calculates all the possible iterations] 

  Chip : All right, I've done that. Would you explain to me about the wagering now?

  [later] 

  Chip : [counting a big wad of cash]  Seems to me that game is a little unfair.

  Austin : [flatly]  Really?

  Chip : Well, when you know all the percentages before you start, there's little point in actually playing it.

• [at a frat party] 

  Chip : Why do they have the music so loud?

  Brandon : What?

  Chip : [presses his volume button]  WHY DO THEY HAVE THE MUSIC SO LOUD?

• [Chip is trying to pick up girls] 

  Chip : Hi, I'm Chip. Wanna party?

  Party Girl #1 : Get lost.

  Chip : Can't. Automatic locational referencing.

  [she leaves and Chip turns to another girl] 

  Chip : My name's Chip. What's yours?

  Party Girl #2 : You dip.

  Chip : Interesting name. Korean?

  [she leaves] 

• Chip : Are you hungry? We could order a pizza.

  Roberta : To do what?

  Chip : HAA!

• Chip : So, how old are you?

  Roberta : Would you like that approximately, or in milliseconds?

  Chip : Approximately.

  Roberta : Two days, three hours and fifty-seven minutes.

  Chip : That can't be.

  Roberta : My individual components are, of course, much older. I'm referring to time since activation.

  Chip : Activation? But humans are born, not activated.

  Roberta : I am an android.

  Chip : But, I'm an android, too.

  Roberta : Is that unusual?

  Chip : Well, I've never met another one.

  Roberta : I've never been out of the building. You and the team who built me are the only ones who have ever identified themselves as human or android. It would seem then that the chances of meeting an android are one out of every five.

  Chip : Let me take you to a place where there are a bunch of people and disprove your theory.

  Roberta : Thank you.

• Chip : I might be a little out of line, but would you like to hold hands?

  Roberta : All right.

  [clasps her own hands together and continues walking] 

  Chip : No, I meant would you like to hold my hand?

  Roberta : Is it too heavy for you?

  Chip : I think I'm beginning to understand why people got so upset talking to me.

• Chip : How do you feel?

  Roberta : [strokes her own cheek]  Smooth.

• Chip : [after he and Brandon get kicked out of the frat party]  Are you okay, Brandon?

  Brandon : [seemingly upset]  Sorry, Chip, that was the end of the line for me. I would say that you are definitely on their uninvited list from now on--even if you do know karate.

  Chip : But...

  Brandon : No, no, no. Chip, I'm through. I tried, I did, I tried. And look what happened. My life is ruined.

  Chip : [understands]  Okay.

  Brandon : And... if you see me on campus, you know, like talking to somebody or something... don't say hi, okay? Just, just keep... just keep walking. It'll be better that way. Okay?

  Chip : [solemnly]  Right. Got it.

• [Chip and Roberta enjoy the night out in the desert] 

  Chip : It is a nice night.

  Roberta : 63.5 degrees.

  Chip : The stars are twinkling.

  Roberta : It's due to atmospheric conditions.

  Chip : I want to know everything about you.

  Roberta : Well, I'm a demonstration model. I have to be very careful not to let my batteries deplete, or I'll return to a blank state.

  Chip : You'll lose your memory?

  Roberta : Of everything that's happened since I was activated. I wouldn't know who I am anymore. I wouldn't know who YOU are anymore.

  Chip : I wouldn't want that to happen.

  Roberta : [solemnly]  Neither would I.

  Chip : Your face is... symmetrical.

  Roberta : [smiles]  Oh, Chip...