Press Gang (1989–1993)
Julia Sawalha: Lynda Day, Young Katherine Hill
Photos
Quotes
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Angelo : You look very cute in that outfit.
Lynda : Thank you. That's the first time you've noticed I'm dressed.
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Lynda : Okay, it's like this. There's a tribe living down by a river, and in the river there are crocodiles. The tribe has one particular piece of wisdom passed down through the generations. It goes like this: if you happen to meet a crocodile, don't stick your head in its mouth. Every now and then, and who knows the reason, people ignore this advice, which is sad, because they die. But very stupid because they were warned. They had a choice. The moral of this story is this: You can't afford to be stupid. There are crocodiles.
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Lynda Day : Is that a joke about my height?
Spike Thomson : I wouldn't stoop so low.
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Lynda : I'm not being unreasonable, I'm keeping my cool. All I want is simply for this person to be removed from the studio and shot dead.
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Lynda : Why do I get everything in my whole stupid life wrong?
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Spike : Lynda, I still need help with this form.
Lynda : Look you can read can't you?
Spike : Until my finger gets sore.
Lynda : And you can write.
Spike : Right, I can do that backwards, but I'm getting help for that.
Lynda : Spike this is getting boring. Is there anything you don't joke about?
Spike : Sure.
Lynda : What?
Spike : Nothing.
[pauses]
Spike : I was joking. Fun isn't it?
Lynda : I've had more fun with a pencil stuck in my eye.
Spike : You think we're becoming friends here? I think I feel a spark.
Lynda : Spike.
Spike : So how long before we start going out with each other?
Lynda : What?
Spike : Because I want to know something straight.
Lynda : About what?
Spike : When I dump you - you want a letter, or should I just stop phoning?
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Lynda : You're sulking, Kenny.
Kenny : Lynda, I am not sulking.
Lynda : Is it because I rejected your computing article?
Kenny : I didn't know you rejected it...?
Lynda : You thought it got torn in half by accident?
Kenny : Oh, breaking it to me gently were you? No, it's not because you rejected my compting article.
Lynda : Is it what I said about your mother?
Kenny : What did you say about my mother?
Lynda : Oh nothing. C'mon Kenny, what is it?
Kenny : Well if you have to know, it is something you said.
Lynda : What?
Kenny : Lynda I do not like "everybody."
Lynda : Kenny that was just something I said in the heat of the moment. Don't take it to heart.
Kenny : I'm sick of people thinking I'm just this reasonable, decent, likeable guy.
Lynda : Oh nobody thinks that.
Kenny : There are lots of people I don't like.
Lynda : Yeah?
Kenny : Well of course.
Lynda : Name one.
Kenny : What?
Lynda : I'm curious. Name one person you really hate. Who's top of your personal hit list?
Kenny : Well I wouldn't like to single out who I hate the most.
Lynda : Why not?
Kenny : Well it wouldn't be fair on them.
Lynda : You really do like everyone, don't you?
Kenny : Oh, I don't like Mr. Cavendish the maths teacher.
Lynda : Well nobody likes him, he's a half-dead, senile, old psychopath!
Kenny : Oh Lynda, he's not that bad.
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Lynda : Ruby Grogan?
Ruby : Yes?
Lynda : Sorry, but Spike won't be coming in today.
Ruby : Oh?
Lynda : He's a bit off color. Well, parts of him. It's his rash again.
Ruby : His what?
Lynda : It's horribly inflamed.
Ruby : Inflamed?
Lynda : Horribly, yes. Well you know how it is when his sores start up.
Ruby : Well, should I go and see him?
Lynda : What, actually look at him you mean? Oh no, I wouldn't advise that. Anyway, it's contagious.
Ruby : It is?
Lynda : Very. You haven't been touching anything of his have you?
Ruby : Well I sat in his chair...
Lynda : You'll be alright, I know you will.
[Pushes Ruby out the door of the newsroom, then knocks on the bathroom door. Spike comes out]
Spike : You told her I was busy?
Lynda : Yes.
Spike : Thanks.
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Lynda : Don't you think you've got something to say to me?
Spike : Suddenly, she stood before him. Their eyes met. Especially hers. Y'know, you really ought to do something about that squint.
Lynda : I don't have a squint!
Spike : Oh no! Must be me!
Kenny : Here we go!
Tiddler : Yep
Lynda : So what made you come in tonight? Don't tell me you were frightened of little old me?
Spike : You know, if you did have a squint, it might actually improve your appearance.
Lynda : If I had a squint, it would certainly improve yours.
Spike : Oh, were you being funny there? I've heard rumours about you doing this.
Lynda : I've a sense of humour, same as anyone!
Spike : Yeah, you told me once, but I thought you were joking!
Lynda : That's probably because I always laugh when I look at you!
Spike : Ha! You laugh? We'd have to use electrodes!
Lynda : Yeah, on you!
Kenny : Look, can we just stop this, please?
Spike : Tell her, she's the one that needs relaxing!
Lynda : I'm perfectly relaxed!
Spike : You're so uptight, your feet don't reach the ground!
[Lynda looks down]
Spike : Made you look!
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Lynda Day : One thing I've always wondered about you Graham. When you wake up in the morning, how do you tell?
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Lynda Day : Can we please just stop this? Can we for once act like two normal people?
Spike Thomson : Hey, I can act like two normal people if you can.
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Lynda Day : You just don't understand the concept of building a career do you Thomson?
Spike Thomson : Hey, I made a career out of it.
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Lynda : Dear diary, it's that cute American again, and he's searching my desk. Does this mean he fancies me? It's so difficult to know what to say in these situations. One wants to be firm with him, but just a little seductive. Find out what the hell he's doing, but maybe encourage him a little. I need style, authority, and sex appeal.
[spoken]
Lynda : Something of interest in my drawers?
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Lynda : This is life. No guaranteed happy endings.
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Lynda : I have never sunk so low. Take me now Lord, death would be promotion.
