Wish You Were Here (1987)

Geoffrey Hutchings: Hubert

Quotes 

• [Lynda's argument with her father causes a scene in the tea room] 

  Cafe Manager : [to Lynda]  You're fired. You are dismissed. Get out.

  Lynda Mansell : No, I won't.

  [to crowd] 

  Lynda Mansell : This one goes around with his brown nose up in the air, down on the carpet, la-di-da this, la-di-da that. The cook spits in the buns and we all piss in the teapots.

  [customer looks at her drink] 

  Cafe Manager : That is enough. Out!

  Hubert : [speaking over Lynda]  She's a bad lot, and that's the truth. Nothing but trouble, that's the way it's always been.

  Lynda Mansell : That's my father speaking.

  Hubert : Ever since she could speak, she's uttered nothing but filth. From the day she uttered her first word, her tongue has caused nothing but trouble.

  Lynda Mansell : This is my father.

  Hubert : Sometimes I doubt it.

  Lynda Mansell : An insult to my dead mother.

  Cafe Manager : I'm sorry, this cannot go on.

  Lynda Mansell : [jumps up on table]  I'm up the duff! That's what's up his nose. I'm pregnant in the club!

  [some patrons leave] 

  Cafe Manager : Right, that's it! That's enough.

  Lynda Mansell : A willy has entered my person and left a little visitor behind!

  [boss goes to get authorities] 

  Hubert : Get down.

  Cafe Manager : This is a matter for the police!

  Lynda Mansell : [points to father]  This is my father who once gave one to Gracie Fields!

  Hubert : Down!

  Cafe Manager : I'm calling the police.

  Lynda Mansell : [mocking]  A member of the British Legion!

  Hubert : Get down!

  Lynda Mansell : [to crowd]  Am I the only one that does it?

  Hubert : This is not my daughter.

  Lynda Mansell : What do you lot do, eh?

  Hubert : Not my daughter.

  Lynda Mansell : What do you lot play with in bed at night, eh?

  Hubert : I disown her!

  Lynda Mansell : Hands up, all those that like willies! I do!

  Cafe Manager : The police are coming!

  Lynda Mansell : Balls!

  Hubert : Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to apologize for this disgraceful display...

  Lynda Mansell : So what, I'm up the duff, who cares?

  Hubert : I will settle.

  Lynda Mansell : [cheers]  I like willies!

  Cafe Manager : [to Hubert]  Now, get her down!

  Hubert : All these teas on me. Right?

  Lynda Mansell : Sex! All of you. All you old bags look as if you could do with a nice bit of hot willy!

  Cafe Manager : Get her down!

  Lynda Mansell : [cheers]  *Seeeexxxx!*

  [a chef grabs Lynda from the table but both take a tumble, knock over Hubert, all three fall to the floor as dishes crash] 

• Hubert : I'm not here to be made a bloody fool of, Lynda. There's such a thing as dignity.

  [sighs] 

  Hubert : You seem to think you're smart, but I'm afraid you'll end up the bloody fool. Just don't do it in my house. I don't wanna be witness to that kinda spectacle.

  Lynda Mansell : What about Maisie Mathews?

  Hubert : *I'm a man.*