Tin Men (1987)

Jackie Gayle: Sam

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Quotes 

• Sam : You know when I saw 'Bonanza' the other day, something occurred to me.

  Ernest Tilley : Eh?

  Sam : Ya got these four guys living on the Ponderosa and ya never hear them say anything about wanting to get laid.

  Ernest Tilley : Huh.

  Sam : I mean ya never hear Hoss say to Little Joe, "I had such a hard-on when I woke up this morning."

  Ernest Tilley : No, no, no...

  Sam : They don't talk about broads - nothing. Ya never hear Little Joe say, "Hey, Hoss, I went to Virginia City and I saw a girl with the greatest ass I've ever seen in my life." They just walk around the Ponderosa: "Yes, Pa, where's Little Joe?" Nothin' about broads. I don't think I'm being too picky. But, if at least once, they talked about getting horny. I don't care if you live on the Ponderosa or right here in Baltimore, guys talk about getting laid. I'm beginning to think that show doesn't have too much realism.

• Sam : 'Bonanza' is not an accurate depiction of the west.

• Sam : You notice Little Joe never says "Hey Pa, I'm gonna go into town to get a piece of ass"?

• Sam : [Sam and Tilley go out to bar to celebrate a sale that Tilley has made to break a long dry spell]  You know, Tilley, I'm beginning to believe in God.

  Ernest Tilley : Yeah me too!

  Sam : No, you don't know what I mean. I'm beginning to think about God more.

  Ernest Tilley : What, you were never one of those atheists, were you?

  Sam : No, I'm not sayin' that. It's just that I'm beginning to give God more thought.

  Ernest Tilley : What, did you have some kind of religious experience or something.

  Sam : Well, yeah, the other day I took the wife to lunch, we went and has some smorgasboard, and it just kinda happened.

  Ernest Tilley : [Gags for a second at this]  At the smorg... you found God at the smorgasboard?

  Sam : Well, yeah, I'm looking at all this food, I see all these vegetables, and I think, all these things came outta the ground. I see tomatoes, outta the ground, carrots, outta the ground, radishes outta the ground. And I think, all of these things come outta the ground. And I'm just talkin' about the vegetables, I haven't gotten to the fruits yet. And I think, how can that be? How can all these things come outta the ground? With all these things comin' outta the ground, there must be a God.