Weird Science (1985)

Bill Paxton: Chet

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Chet : I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin' up some shit!"

• Chet : How 'bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?

• Lisa : I can be a real serious bitch - if I don't get what I want.

  Chet : Hmm. Hit me with your best shot.

  [grins] 

• Chet : You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.

• Chet : [30:08]  Like your panties!

  Wyatt : It's a joke, Chet!

  Chet : That's not a joke, that's a severe behavioral disorder. I mean, the next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head!

• Chet : Lady, I wanna get to the bottom of this. ASAFP.

  Lisa : Oh, so do I.

  Chet : But first I'd like to... butter your muffin.

  Lisa : Why do you have to be such a wanker?

  Chet : Because I get off on it!

• Chet : [opens a pantry door, his grandparents are in there, frozen]  Hi Nanny, hi Grampy.

  Chet : [closes door and turns to everyone else]  I'm not a moron, you know. I...

  Chet : [suddenly realizes]  Was that my grandparents?

  Chet : [Lisa nods, Chet opens the door again]  Are they dead?

  Lisa : Oh, no, they're just resting.

  Chet : What are they doing in here?

  Lisa : I put them in there. I didn't want the boys to get into trouble. Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.

  Chet : Not having a good time? Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet?

• Lisa : This is a nuclear missile!

  Chet : I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey!

• Chet : [to Wyatt]  Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.

• [Gary and Wyatt have just returned home from a bar. Gary is very drunk but Wyatt is perfectly sober] 

  Chet : [to Wyatt]  If he pukes, you die.

• Chet : [pointing a rifle at Gary's face]  Freeze!

  Gary Wallace : Chet!

  Chet : [Hits Gary in the head with the rifle]  Where's my brother?

  Gary Wallace : Ow... uh, I don't know.

  Chet : [Hits Gary again]  You're dead meat pilgrim!

  [Points the rifle at Deb] 

  Gary Wallace : Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, that's her nose. Come on, Chet she's got nothing to do with this!

  Chet : Ok. You die, she walks out of here with a severe limp.

  [Points the rifle at Gary and Deb repeately, then hits both in the head] 

  Chet : I'll be back.

  [Leaves the room] 

  Gary Wallace : That's Wyatt's older brother Chet. He's kind of an asshole.

• [Chet finds out that the house is a mess and his room is snowing. He blasts the door to his sister's room where Wyatt are Hilly were sleeping] 

  Wyatt : [1:15:03]  Hi Chet.

  Chet : [Grabs Wyatt]  What the hell is going on around here?

  Wyatt : It was an accident Chet.

  Chet : An accident? An accident? Do you realize it's snowing in my room goddammit!

  Wyatt : It's weird Chet. It's really weird Chet.

  Chet : It doesn't take a genius to figure that out monkey dick. Start talking little man.

  Wyatt : It's a really long story Chet. Gary and I were messing around with the computer Friday night. We decided to make a woman and we did and she went crazy and she messed up the whole house.

  Chet : Don't smart mouth me you wormy little shit!

  [Places Wyatt in a neck hold] 

  Hilly : Look just leave him alone!

  Chet : Stay out of this bimbo! It's a family matter.

  Wyatt : Look Chet. Find Lisa. She'll clear up everything.

  [Chet tightens his grip on Wyatt] 

  Wyatt : You can have my college money. And my social security, Chet.

  [Chet releases Wyatt] 

• Wyatt : Alright, Chet. How much?

  Chet : How much? Oh, this goes *way* beyond payment, pal.

  Wyatt : Come on, Chet. Please?

  Chet : Well, your VCR should cover it. For openers!

• Chet : [22:28]  You're stewed, butt wad!

  Wyatt : [looks around; nervously]  Me?

  Chet : Do you know what time it is?

  Wyatt : [guessing]  Two?

  Chet : Time to play the fiddler.

  Wyatt : I was kind-of counting on you to be human about this...

  Chet : Here's the bottom line, Wyatt. I'm telling mom and dad everything. I'm even considering making up some shit

  Wyatt : All right Chet, name your price

  Chet : $175 and zero cents cash new bills crisp and clean. In my wallet by 7AM.

  Wyatt : Thank you

  Chet : Hey, what are big brothers for?

• [23:39] 

  Chet : The boozehounds returns!... What a joke. Hi, girls. How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?

• Chet : Good morning, turd brain.

• Chet : It's time to pay the fiddler...

• Chet : [1:24:25]  Hi, dudes. I'm sorry Wyatt. I'm sorry for being such a shit to you all these years. I want you to know that I love you.

  Gary Wallace : That's nasty, Wyatt

  Wyatt : That's Chet, Gary

• Chet : Make yourself one, dick weed!

• Chet : Get out of here! Come on, take your little hussies home!

• Chet : You got everybody synched to the same bull shit story.

  Lisa : This isn't bull shit. This is a Pershing missile, Chip.

  Chet : It's Chet. My name is Chet. And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.