Yellowbeard (1983)
Madeline Kahn: Betty
Photos
Quotes
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Betty : When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.
Yellowbeard : Does he know about this?
Betty : Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.
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Yellowbeard : Where's the map?
Betty : What map?
Yellowbeard : If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!
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Betty : If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst.
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Commander Clement : [about pile of dead bodies] What happened?
Betty : Plague!
Commander Clement : Plague?
Betty : All sudden like! Lucky I was out.
Commander Clement : That man's got a sword in him!
Betty : He fell on it.
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Betty : [Recreating the path to where the treasure is burried] Stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl, jump...
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Betty : That's Yellowbeard.
Yellowbeard : I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
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Betty : It's been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do? Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.
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Betty : Well, it's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.
Yellowbeard : I raped ya, if that's what you mean.
Betty : Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.
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Yellowbeard : I'm sure I killed the last one I raped, it can't have been you.
Betty : Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side, but not fatal dear.
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Betty : I think it was the shark what jogged my memory.
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Yellowbeard : Who're you talkin' about?
Betty : The fruit of your loins, sugar drawers.
Yellowbeard : Are you mad, woman? I haven't got fruit in my loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em!
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Betty : When little Dan came along...
Yellowbeard : Who's Dan?
Betty : [indignantly] My and probably your son!
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Betty : You're all going after the treasure!
Dan , Lord Lambourn , Yellowbeard , Dr. Gilpin : No!
Lord Lambourn : Uh, botanical...
Yellowbeard : Killing plants!
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Betty : I'm talking about the fruit of your loins.
Yellowbeard : Fruit of me loins? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em, but no fruit!
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[Betty throws a book Dan had been reading on the floor]
Betty : Read, read, read, read! Let me tell you something - last time I read a book, I was raped. Let THAT be a lesson to you.