A vampire movie from Troma? I thought I was in for a treat, but this is one of the most boring movies I have ever seen. Bad acting, hardly any plot and no gore at all. I know that movies from Troma are supposed to be trashy, but this was plain and simple garbage. Avoid at all cost!
5 Reviews
Loved it!!
Vampirella66625 March 2010
Warning: Spoilers
I think this is quite possibly one of the worst movies ever made, the whole walking scene with the camera on the feet and the corny music, god it made me howl. I've watched this movie about 8 times, and every time it cracks me up. It is so awful, the club scene was way too extended, the acting is terrible and the only person who can act (Olivia) is only there for a short period of time. By the end of the movie you've generally totally forgotten about her and her parents and that the entire thing was a flashback. Her mother's laughter at the end really gets me.
It's the perfect movie if you're in the mood for low-budget, horrible acting and scenes that are just way too long, if you want a bad parody, this is it. And that's what you need to understand this was INTENDED as a comedy. It's marvellous.
It's the perfect movie if you're in the mood for low-budget, horrible acting and scenes that are just way too long, if you want a bad parody, this is it. And that's what you need to understand this was INTENDED as a comedy. It's marvellous.
I watched another stinker.
BA_Harrison18 October 2019
Farm girl Viola (Rachel Golden) does indeed marry a vampire, but it's not until the film is almost over. The bulk of this very cheap piece of horror/comedy crap follows the young woman as she acclimatises to life in the big city, with all manner of low-life opportunists taking advantage of her amiable nature.
Since the cast of I Married a Vampire comprises of amateur actors unable to deliver a convincing line (for most of the main cast, this appears to be their only movie), and the direction by Jay Raskin is very noticeably entry-level, it all makes for extremely dull viewing. Even after the vampire (Brendan Hickey) makes his appearance, and helps Viola to take revenge on those who have wronged her, the film remains a total bore: slow, uneventful and likely to induce sleep. I zoned out a few times and had to rewind to see what I missed (as it happens, not much).
I Married a Vampire was filmed in 1983 but didn't see the light of day until 1987; I'm surprised that anyone saw fit to release it at all.
1.5/10, rounded down to 1 for having the audacity to let a guinea pig stand in for a rat, as if we wouldn't notice.
Since the cast of I Married a Vampire comprises of amateur actors unable to deliver a convincing line (for most of the main cast, this appears to be their only movie), and the direction by Jay Raskin is very noticeably entry-level, it all makes for extremely dull viewing. Even after the vampire (Brendan Hickey) makes his appearance, and helps Viola to take revenge on those who have wronged her, the film remains a total bore: slow, uneventful and likely to induce sleep. I zoned out a few times and had to rewind to see what I missed (as it happens, not much).
I Married a Vampire was filmed in 1983 but didn't see the light of day until 1987; I'm surprised that anyone saw fit to release it at all.
1.5/10, rounded down to 1 for having the audacity to let a guinea pig stand in for a rat, as if we wouldn't notice.
Quirky but fun if you are a fan of vampire flicks.
RuthMari5 August 1998
I really liked this movie. In fact, I own a copy. I know some people are put off by the low budget-ness of this film, but if you can overlook that it is a lot of fun. It's great for vampire film fans because it's not the usual story line. Think of it more as a dark comedy than a drama.
Minor vanity production
lor_27 April 2023
My review was written in March 1988 after watching the movie on Prism video cassette.
"I Married a Vampir" is another student-type film released by the Troma Team, or at least sent to the marketplace. Originally a 16mm effort shot in Boston by Jay Raskin five years ago, pic got a blowup and token theatrical release in 1986 ahead of home video status.
Title is somewhat misleading, as pic is a throwback to the '60s inide feature movement, a rites-of-passage tale about young Viola (Rachel Golden) who goes to the big city (Boston) to make it on her own. Her boring and trite tribulations are delineated in detail: cheated by a real estate agent, swindled by a lawyer and ripped off by a religious cult. She's even raped (off-screen) by a businessman who then gets her a job working as a washerwoman.
Upshot is that her best friend introduces her to her brother Robespierre (dedpan Brendan Hickey) who is a 100-year-old-plus vampire. He helps her get revenge on all her tormentors and they marry, celebrating by attendng a screening of Carl Th. Dreyer's "Vampyr".
Bookending cover sotry has Viola telling her just-arrived parents the dreary tale and then taking them home to meet hubby -cue the off-camera screams.
Pic has a vanity production look with acting to match, though Viola's kleptomaniac friend Portia is a promising turn by actress Temple Aaron.
"I Married a Vampir" is another student-type film released by the Troma Team, or at least sent to the marketplace. Originally a 16mm effort shot in Boston by Jay Raskin five years ago, pic got a blowup and token theatrical release in 1986 ahead of home video status.
Title is somewhat misleading, as pic is a throwback to the '60s inide feature movement, a rites-of-passage tale about young Viola (Rachel Golden) who goes to the big city (Boston) to make it on her own. Her boring and trite tribulations are delineated in detail: cheated by a real estate agent, swindled by a lawyer and ripped off by a religious cult. She's even raped (off-screen) by a businessman who then gets her a job working as a washerwoman.
Upshot is that her best friend introduces her to her brother Robespierre (dedpan Brendan Hickey) who is a 100-year-old-plus vampire. He helps her get revenge on all her tormentors and they marry, celebrating by attendng a screening of Carl Th. Dreyer's "Vampyr".
Bookending cover sotry has Viola telling her just-arrived parents the dreary tale and then taking them home to meet hubby -cue the off-camera screams.
Pic has a vanity production look with acting to match, though Viola's kleptomaniac friend Portia is a promising turn by actress Temple Aaron.
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