The Bill (1984–2010)
Sally Rogers: DC Jo Masters, Sgt. Jo Masters, Alison Redwald, Jane Jackson
Photos
Quotes
-
DC Jo Masters : What's this? DC Dasari by day, Spider Woman by night?
-
PC Will Fletcher : You got a minute?
DC Jo Masters : Errr... no, as it happens, I don't... Wanna know why? I've just come from court... three months I spent preparing for that court appearance... an entire rainforest has died to provide the amount of paperwork I've submitted... the electricity bill for the unpaid overtime I've clocked, has irrevocably changed the earth's climate... and ya know what? The judge throws it out on the first day of trial, on a technicality. So no, I don't have a minute... I wanna sit at ma desk... I wanna eat a cream-filled chocolate eclair... and I wanna surf the net for holidays in the Seychelles...
-
DC Jo Masters : Clear off or I'll nick ya!
Suspect : What for?
DC Jo Masters : I'll think of somethin'!
-
CSE Eddie Olosunje : I mean, how naff is that? Big bank robber smoking Menthol! Ya know I heard it causes impot...
DC Jo Masters : How does that help us, Eddie?
-
DS Phil Hunter : Why does the blackmailer want the money dropped off here? I mean, how does he know no-one's gonna pick it up first? And why's this location a convenient place?
DC Suzie Sim : Well, it's overlooked on all four sides, and he or she might be watching us as we speak.
DS Phil Hunter : Yeah, probably in the same building as our OP; how's it going up there, Jo?
DC Jo Masters : You make a lovely couple.
DS Phil Hunter : A lovely couple of what?
DC Jo Masters : No comment!
-
DS Phil Hunter : [Putting on aftershave]
DC Jo Masters : That reminds me, I must get my drains sorted...
-
DC Jo Masters : Morning.
DC Mickey Webb : Wow, late night?
DC Jo Masters : Not particularly, what makes you think that? Can't a girl come in a little bit late for work without people casting aspersions on her good name?
DC Kezia Walker : Is that asprin you're drinking?
DC Jo Masters : You see, this is the problem with cynical detectives, such as yourselves... You take a few pieces of circumstantial evidence and you leap to some preconceived conclusion. There may be any number of reasons why I'm drinking this concoction of paracetamol and electro light enriched water... Maybe I'm replacing lost fluids following an early-morning game of squash, or perhaps I'm simply coming down with the flu.
DC Mickey Webb : Or perhaps you left The Seven Bells and ended up in The Octane Nightclub last night?
DC Jo Masters : Oh... How'd you know?
DC Mickey Webb : Erm... You've still got the stamp on your hand.
DC Jo Masters : Don't start, Mickey! I've got the mother of all hangovers and I don't want any of your southern lip! I'm just gonna drink this, bury myself in paperwork, and sit quietly...
[Northern Voice]
DC Jo Masters : OK?
-
DC Jo Masters : Right... He got a caution for public disorder six months ago... and there are several charges of GBH and threatening behaviour... Lovely! Just the sorta' bloke ya wanna borrow money from...
-
DC Jo Masters : You got any perfume?
DC Stevie Moss : Yeah, why?
DC Jo Masters : Might wanna give yourself a spray. Sammo's personal hygiene isn't all that.
-
DC Jo Masters : And have we found anything interesting?
CSE Eddie Olosunje : No, but I smell something interesting. Apricot Danish?
DC Jo Masters : It's peach, and it's mine.
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Oh, come on, I've been here since 6am. Give us a bite and I'll tell you about a partial print I found?
-
CSE Eddie Olosunje : DC Jo Masters... You're wondering how I did that, aren't ya?
DC Jo Masters : Not really, no.
CSE Eddie Olosunje : It's your perfume. 'Sensual for Women,' innit? Suits you... Kinda like me...
DC Jo Masters : I hear you have a match on a partial print for me, Eddie?
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah, it was easy, you know what the stoners are like: sloppy, always takin' their gloves off. I think it's the loss of motor function.
DC Jo Masters : Let me guess... Tray Simpson, 43 Rudkin Road?
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah.
DC Jo Masters : Ahh... Wondering how I did that, aren't ya?
-
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Got something for you. Sticky bun... and a chocolate éclair.
DC Jo Masters : Eddie, you're an absolute star! I haven't eaten all day.
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Really? Me neither.
DC Jo Masters : Mmm, thank you! Mm mm, thanks!
CSE Eddie Olosunje : There's a little Turkish place round the corner... Fancy a bite? My shout.
DC Jo Masters : I've gotta get through this work, Eddie.
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Oh, yeah. Another time maybe?
DC Jo Masters : Sure, whenever.
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Saturday night?
DC Jo Masters : Eddie, are you asking me out on a date?
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, I felt something between us, didn't--It's not that funny is it?
DC Jo Masters : Yes, it is.
CSE Eddie Olosunje : Why? I mean, we're mates, ain't we?
DC Jo Masters : Yeah, Eddie... we're mates, yeah. C'mon, I'm gonna buy you a drink and explain...
-
DC Jo Masters : Is this the same Henderson family that I read about?
DS Samantha Nixon : Sun Hill's famous lottery winners?
DS Phil Hunter : Yeah, turns out they really do have money to burn...
-
DS Stuart Turner : Right... We've got a fire on Waterview Road, Uniform are dealing with it but it looks accidental, so I need anyone?
DC Jacob Banks : There's some dry paint in custody that needs watching...
DC Mickey Webb : Sorry I'm late Sarge, traffic was murder.
DC Jo Masters : Oh, yeah? Nothing to do with the late night you had out with Terry and Stevie then?
DC Mickey Webb : Does this face look like it's hungover?
DC Jacob Banks : Yes.
-
DC Jo Masters : Not like you to give up so easily...
DS Phil Hunter : What d'you mean?
DC Jo Masters : You get your teeth into a Section-18 search, you don't normally let go?
DS Phil Hunter : You've got a suspicious mind, DC Masters.
DC Jo Masters : Yeah, goes with the job!
-
DC Jo Masters : Getting Phil to eat humble pie is one of the few highlights of my job.
-
DC Jo Masters : D'ya know, I don't know who put what on your porridge this morning, but this whole sergeant-major impression is getting a little bit annoying.
DS Phil Hunter : You keep your tights on, all right? I'll do it myself!
-
DC Jacob Banks : Give it some welly!
DC Jo Masters : I am giving it welly!
DC Mickey Webb : Well try and give it some proper Northern welly!
DC Jo Masters : I'll give you some Northern welly in a minute!
DS Max Carter : What's going on there?
DC Mickey Webb : Jo's just having a slight problem with the filing cabinet.
DS Max Carter : Try giving it some welly!
DC Jo Masters : I AM!