The World According to Garp (1982)

Robin Williams: T.S. Garp

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Quotes 

• Walt : Daddy, what's gradual school?

  T. S. Garp : What?

  Walt : Gradual school. Mommy says she teaches at gradual school.

  T. S. Garp : Oh. Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

• T. S. Garp : We'll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here.

• [noticing scantily clad prostitutes] 

  Jenny Fields : Is that the latest fashion?

  T. S. Garp : No, Mom, that's the oldest profession.

• [last lines] 

  T. S. Garp : Helen, remember.

  Helen Holm : What, my love?

  T. S. Garp : Everything, Helen.

  Helen Holm : Yes, my love.

  T. S. Garp : I'm flying, Helen.

  Helen Holm : Yes, my love.

  T. S. Garp : I'm flying. Ta-ranta-ranta-ra.

• T. S. Garp : Men die young in my family, Helen!

• [telling Dean Bodger and her son about his father, who was a brain-damaged WWII veteran she tended as a nurse] 

  Jenny Fields : Where was I?

  T. S. Garp : He kept having erections.

  Jenny Fields : Thank you. He was dying. I wanted a child. Seemed like a good way to have one without the bother of a husband around who had legal rights to my body. So, one night when I was on duty and the the wounded and maimed were all asleep, I went to him. He was asleep. But his erection was there, as always. I removed my undergarments and climbed on top of him. He woke up then. He said the only word other than his name that I ever heard him utter. He said, "good." It didn't take very long, and that once was all that was needed.

  Dean Bodger : You raped him! You raped a dying man!

• T. S. Garp : [after being told he shouldn't go to his nom's feminist memorial]  I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.

• T. S. Garp : [to his infant son in baby carriage]  Don't be a baby, Duncan! Say da-da!

  [Duncan blows raspberry at Garp] 

• T. S. Garp : [to his mother Jenny]  I never needed a father.

• Garp : I have just read in Time Magazine, my mother's book has been translated into Apache. Apache, Helen. Not even Shakespeare or Dickens has been translated into Apache.

  Helen Holm : She's timely. She struck a chord women wanted to hear. The reviewers took her to pieces. They said wonderful things about your book.

  Garp : Yeah, but I don't want reviews, I want an audience. A big audience.

• Roberta : I love kids.

  T. S. Garp : Oh, me, too.

  Roberta : I didn't know I loved them so much until I became a woman. Had I known, I would've had some while I was still a man.

• T. S. Garp : Am I disturbing you?

  Helen Holm : I think you like to disturb me.

• T. S. Garp : My name is T.S. Garp.

  Helen Holm : What's T.S. stand for?

  T. S. Garp : Terribly Sexy. I used to be Terribly Shy, but I changed.

• T. S. Garp : Is this your first time?

  Cushie : No. I thought so. Where's your thing?

  T. S. Garp : Where's what?

  Cushie : Your thing.

  T. S. Garp : My thing? Don't you have a hold of it?

  Cushie : No, your glove.

  T. S. Garp : My glove?

  Cushie : Look, I don't want babies. No glove, no love.

• T. S. Garp : Do you always wear a sweat suit?

  Helen Holm : Don't you like it?

  T. S. Garp : Yes, I just imagining what you'd be like without it. I mean, in a dress. I spend a lot of time imagining things, you know. Part of my training as a writer. All real writers imagine.

• Jenny Fields : Do you like her?

  T. S. Garp : She's very nice, Mom, but...

  Jenny Fields : What is it about her that you want? I don't mean just her sex parts. I mean, is there something else that's satisfying?

  T. S. Garp : Well, it's a combination.

  Jenny Fields : How do you feel to be wanted in that way? Does it degrade you to have my son want you in that way? Or do you think it only degrades him?

  The Hooker : I don't know.

  Jenny Fields : Do you want her? Do you want her like you want Helen? Is it the same kind of want? You really want to have sex with her. Well, do you?

  T. S. Garp : Yes. Of course I do.

• The Hooker : Don't give me money here!

  Jenny Fields : Why not?

  T. S. Garp : Because it's illegal, Mom.

  Jenny Fields : Why?

  T. S. Garp : Because it is, that's why.

  Jenny Fields : That's silly. It's her body. Why shouldn't she use it the way she wants to?

• T. S. Garp : That's not fair. I showed you mine. You should show me yours.

  Jenny Fields : What do you think you're doing? Playing "Doctor's Office" with Cushie?

• The Hooker : Hey, look, it's all right with me if your mother wants to buy me for you. But she can't come along with us.

  T. S. Garp : Oh, Jesus, no.

  The Hooker : Absolutely not. I will *not* have her watching us. I am still a Catholic, believe it or not. You want anything funny like that, you just go over to 8th Avenue.

  Jenny Fields : I don't intend to watch.

• T. S. Garp : We are civilized people and civilized people obey the rules. You Neolithic dipshit!

• T. S. Garp : What the hell does she know about lust? She never felt it. Not even once. Some authority she is. It's like listening to a plant describe the motives of a mammal.

• T. S. Garp : How old are you?

  Babysitter : 18.

  T. S. Garp : 18. 18 - is there any word in the English language as sexy as that?

  Babysitter : How old are you?

  T. S. Garp : 30.

  Babysitter : Mmm. 30. Dirty 30?

  T. S. Garp : Are you really 18?

• T. S. Garp : Michael Milton. Is that his name?

  Helen Holm : Yes.

  T. S. Garp : It sounds like a flavor in a gay ice cream parlor. Strawberry Swirl, Chock-full of Chocolate, Mocha Madness, Michael Milton.

• T. S. Garp : Let's make love.

  Helen Holm : I don't think so.

  T. S. Garp : Don't you think I want to?

  Helen Holm : No, I don't think I want to.

  T. S. Garp : I do. I really, really do.

  Helen Holm : I don't. I really don't. I want to finish reading this story.

  T. S. Garp : You're reading another writer in my bed, Helen. That's adultery!

• Babysitter : What does the T.S. stand for?

  T. S. Garp : Terribly Sad. It used to be Terribly Sexy, but I changed.

  Babysitter : Oh, I don't think so.

  T. S. Garp : Really?

• Helen Holm : It's - so sad.

  T. S. Garp : Really?

  Helen Holm : So sad!

  T. S. Garp : That's great!

• T. S. Garp : Do you think I'm going to be a real writer?

  Helen Holm : I do. Oh, I do!

  T. S. Garp : And you said you'd only marry a real writer.

  Helen Holm : I did. And I do.

  T. S. Garp : I do, too.

• T. S. Garp : I wish I had known you when you were 15. I really wish I'd known you when you were 5 - near 5. I wish we grew up together as kids. That way, I could see you flat-chested and watch you as your breasts grew.

  Helen Holm : You'll get to see my breasts sag, my teeth fall out, and my hair turn gray.

• T. S. Garp : Dead men don't bitch.

• T. S. Garp : I just really love it.

  Helen Holm : What?

  T. S. Garp : Being a father. Being a husband and a father. Oh, I really adore it.

  [looking at the kids sleeping] 

  T. S. Garp : will never ever write anything that lovely.

• T. S. Garp : Let's go look at the kids.

  Helen Holm : We looked at them last night.

  T. S. Garp : I know. But I really feel a need to look at them. For both of us to look at them.

• T. S. Garp : We have to end the war because of a pot roast. Isn't that a pity?

• T. S. Garp : How's your fellow in New York working out?

  Roberta : It isn't. He says I make him feel sexually ambiguous. Can you imagine?

• T. S. Garp : Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never even notice that this is as beautiful as life gets. I just feel happy that I noticed. I had a beautiful life today. I even died and lived to tell about it. What a day. What a day!

• T. S. Garp : It's really nice, you know? To look back and see the arc of your life. It's all connected. How you got from there to here. To see the line, you know? It really has been an adventure.