The Four Seasons (1981)

Carol Burnett: Kate Burroughs

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kate Burroughs : Is this the fun part? Are we having fun yet?

• Jack : Are you mad at me?

  Kate Burroughs : You got it!

  Jack : You picked a helluva time to get irrational.

  Kate Burroughs : Oh, I'm not irrational. Rational people get angry. Irrational people pretend they don't.

• Danny : [furiously at Jack]  Goddamn it! I just told you my deepest fear! Why can't you listen to what I'm saying instead of how I'm saying it? I mean, do you have any idea, any idea, what it is to be afraid of death? I can't eat my bowl of cereal anymore because I have an irrational fear of milk. I stand there in hallways, where - I - I stand there in hallways afraid to press strange elevator buttons. I almost threw away my jockey shorts because I have this fear of elastic.

  [Kate begins laughing hysterically] 

  Ginny : Don't laugh at him.

  Danny : No. Go on, go on, laugh. Right. Good. Good. I'm a fool, right? No,

  Kate Burroughs : No, Danny.

  Danny : I'm a collection of eccentricities. You think because I'm quirky, I don't hurt?

  Kate Burroughs : No

  Danny : Well, you have it wrong. I'm quirky because I hurt.

  Kate Burroughs : Oh, Danny, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Now, come on - are you really afraid of your underwear?

  [she starts laughing again] 

• Jack : Danny is driving me crazy. He has to be the expert on everything. What's the matter with him?

  Kate Burroughs : He's very needy, that's all.

  Jack : Needy? He's hypochondriacal, stingy, bossy, selfish, compulsive, and paranoid. He's the Muhammad Ali of mental illness.

• Ginny : I think Danny's upset.

  Kate Burroughs : Oh, he'll be all right.

  Ginny : We've been joking around all night and he hasn't joined in. I think he's hurt. I think maybe we owe him an apology.

  Kate Burroughs : Why, because I laughed at him?

  Ginny : Well... yeah.

  Kate Burroughs : Look, Ginny, when people have been friends as long as we have, it's not such a terrible thing to kid somebody out of a depression. So don't get upset about what you don't understand.

• Jack : [calmly, but icily]  I'm sorry to have to tell you this.

  Kate Burroughs : What?

  Jack : You're making me angry.

  Kate Burroughs : You're angry? Right now?

  Jack : [again, calmly]  I'm enraged.

  Kate Burroughs : How was I supposed to know? Maybe you can stamp your foot next time. Or try this.

  [shrieking] 

  Kate Burroughs : WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

• Kate Burroughs : [to Jack]  I'm saying this in the most loving way, "Shit or get off the pot!"

• Jack : Why do you think we love this boat so much?

  Kate Burroughs : I don't know.

  Jack : You know why I think we like this boat so much?

  Kate Burroughs : I knew it! I knew it. He only asked us so that he could tell us his theory. Go ahead. Go ahead, sweetheart. Tell us. Why do we love this boat so much?

  Jack : Because it represents our primeval desire to control water.

  Kate Burroughs : See.

  Jack : Now, think about it. All our beginnings are wet. Sloshing around in the womb. Baptism. The first life that came out of the warm soup of the ocean. From the moment we rose from the slime as alligators, we've been trying for dominion over water. You know?

  Kate Burroughs : Jack loves ideas. And he can do so much with them. I have seen him take one idea at a dinner party and bring the conversation of a dozen people to a complete halt.

  Nick : Ladies and gentlemen, Clams Casino.

  Claudia Zimmer : Oh, my God, I love them! I have this insatiable need to have dominance over the clams.

  Jack : It so happens that Venus rose from the sea on a clam shell. Sexuality was born in wetness.

  Danny : It's easier that way!

• Jack : You handle everything like three of the most efficient people I know. Uh, nobody can do what you do. My God, you're perfect!

  Kate Burroughs : How dare you call me that?

  Jack : How dare I call you perfect?

  Kate Burroughs : Yes. Yes, isn't that what I heard?

• Kate Burroughs : [pretending to speak to an eavesdropping Danny outside hotel room door]  Danny dear, please don't take this the wrong way, you know how fond I am of you, but I think your Mercedes sucks!

• Kate Burroughs : I am sick and tired of all this macho bullshit!

• Claudia Zimmer : Is he still thoughtful?

  Kate Burroughs : [hugging Jack]  Yes, Jack is thoughtful.

  Claudia Zimmer : Does he observe good bathroom etiquette?

  Kate Burroughs : Huh?

  Claudia Zimmer : Does he leave the seat up or does he put it down?

  Danny : Wait a minute! I always put the seat down!

  Claudia Zimmer : Yeah, after I yelled at you to do it!

• Kate Burroughs : Danny, calm down!

  Danny : Please don't tell me to calm down, this is the second time today someone has told me to calm down!

  Kate Burroughs : Well, I'm sorry. It's only my first.

• Kate Burroughs : Hey, give me some of that. Come on.

• Anne Callan : No, don't do that. That's for tomorrow.

  Kate Burroughs : Well, for him there's no tomorrow.

• Nick : Hey, hey. Listen to the water lapping against the sides of the boat. To be with friends sipping wine, this is what it is to be happy.

  Kate Burroughs : This - and being incredibly rich.

• Kate Burroughs : Why does he have to leave her? Why can't they fight it out?

• Kate Burroughs : Did anyone sleep last night?

  Claudia Zimmer : You're kidding, right? With all those mating calls coming from the master bedroom?

  Jack : All night long.

  Claudia Zimmer : I mean, who could have guessed that it would be so distressing to listen to other people humping?

• Ginny : We met on my flight to L.A. I sat with him for an hour after the dinner service and - God, I had just never met anybody who knew so much about actuarial tables.

  Kate Burroughs : He's a charmer.

• Kate Burroughs : I can't believe he brought her. How could he do that to Anne? How could he do it to us?

  Jack : But she's really nice, you know. I mean, I like her.

  Kate Burroughs : She's wonderful! I can't even enjoy hating her. Who the hell needs that?

• Kate Burroughs : I'm gonna make breakfast. I don't wanna look at my friends naked. It makes it hard to have dinner with them later.

• Kate Burroughs : Enjoy your fantasies.

  Jack : I don't have any fantasies about her.

  Kate Burroughs : Yeah?

  Jack : Well, no serious fantasies.

• Kate Burroughs : For somebody who likes to get to the heart of things, you - have this incredible knack for denying your own feelings.

• Kate Burroughs : Jack, don't, uh, don't try to get to the heart of things, just let it lay there.

  Jack : Why are we all pretending we're not embarrassed? Why don't we just say how we feel?

  Anne Callan : I feel, uh, like I wish you would just sort of shut up.

• Jack : I think we should get to the heart of this.

  Kate Burroughs : The heart of this - is that you wish you had some blonde *nymph* adoring you like he does. So go on! Go find one! Christ, how long you going to hang on to these fantasies? The reality is you're married to a middle-aged woman with a good sense of humor and dry skin. And if you don't like it then go find yourself a nymph. Just do me the courtesy of telling me. In other words, and I mean this in the most loving way: shit or get off the pot!

• Kate Burroughs : Don't you ever feel like going someplace alone with me?

  Jack : You want to take a vacation without them?

  Kate Burroughs : I have this perverse desire to be married to one person at a time. I don't know, it excites me!

• Ginny : Okay, come on. Danny, let's dance. Come on.

  Danny : No. No, thanks. No. I don't want to dance.

  Claudia Zimmer : Danny dance.

  Ginny : Come on.

  Jack : Go ahead, dance. Go on.

  Kate Burroughs : Go boogie.

• Kate Burroughs : I don't want to be one of two people alone in the world at the end of my life. I want to have friends. When I get old I'd like you all to still be there.